cover image for Superhuman Social Skills

Superhuman Social Skills

Tynan

8/10
Really awesome book with regards to learning how to be a better friend and navigate social stuff better
  • 4 comm styles content, meta (implications), emotion, status
  • Implicatiosn of the way you say something; I'm down, I guess. Implies willingness to conform w/out enthusiasum. Lots of gray in meta for not as severe a reaction as outright disagreement & avoid awkward situations
  • Emotional tone, should match context/lead up conversation shifts should be gradual
  • Status, never fake it, be aware of it when you're an ooutsider, be a leader, ask the questions, organize the things,do the uncomfortable stuff
  • First Impression, convey what makes you interesting & worthknowing. Don't brag or exagerate. Imply interesting things. Reveal attributes/traits that make you valuble to know.
  • Don't be annoying, don't talk about things the other person isn't itnerested in. Don't make bad jokes, look for inconsitent or unexpected reactions to find annoyance
  • 50/50 talk to listen ratio unless they're shy. Short 1 word answers imply they don't want to talk. So does never asking questions
  • Take context into account, are they seeming more interested to be polite.
  • Drop hooks. Stories w/ details. Listener can choose which interests them the most and direct conversation
  • Show don't tell w/ stories. Positive light for you but through subtle details
  • Elements of a story: Setup - short and concise, locations, characters, emotional cues. Build up - can add more emotional details if people are engaged. Pay off - releave tension & build off, hopefully w/ some sort of revelation
  • Have lots of stories - time or topic speaking of or recently I've. Few stories in reserve. Prop up your friends in stories
  • Try to make them comfortable; I know not every agrees but I've always thought (shows you're open to disagreement); Watch body language, eye contact, focus
  • When bantering, your banter should set them up for a retort or response. If they don't take the bait you can trigger yourself. Like at least it wasn't as bad as that time I ...
  • Make eye contact!!!
  • Their is a line between stuff you would say to a friend and stranger. Don't be so reserved. Dance aroudnthe line more. Tease strangers or reveal personal things to create a more friend like bond by crossing the line a little
  • When speaking in a group try to involve everyone via a topic everyone finds interesting. If someone is unengaged try involving them directly w/ a quesiton
  • Humility, its pretty likely you're wrong, admit it when it happens.
  • Be aware of your audience and what they'll find relatable or not braggy/out of the ordinary
  • Many shared experiences are more important to how close a friendship is than lots of time spent together
  • Consider creating a casual weekly dinner event
  • Travel/trips is a quick wayt to become close. Lots of shared experineces quickly. Busy people forced to sit still
  • Focus on a few friends. Focus on events that are meaningful. Decline events!!
  • Don't be afraid to randomly reconnect w/ someone if you really clicked in the past
  • When intimidated, don't compensate low or high just remember yo uneed to offer 1 thing (anything)
  • A minute or 2 intot he convo ask for their name again
  • Treat everyone well
  • Think about common traits held by all your best friends, use as a filter
  • Do what you say you will from conversation (no matter how small put in calendar), be really honest, be on time!!!
  • Keep harmony, look 3 steps ahead, identify problems, take action to avert or resolve
;