People typically don't have a knowledge problem but an execution problem 

People tend to think on an annual basis with regards to goals, which lacks a sense of urgencys. 
 Instead of that think weekly and daily 

December deadlines create urgency and for most industries this is a lot better financially

Only do the most important and driving towards success things 

Clarify and urgency 

Think on a scale 12s week year. Instead of a year as the end. Forces urgency and clarity. 

Take some time off after to retro and refocus 

Need a strong compelling.vision you want more than your current comfort as often the best action is uncomfortable 

Personal vision, what you want from life in all areas

Goal defines success, should move towards the long term goals dev
Plan, that is execution oriented 
Tactics, daily to do to move towards goals

Weekly plan,
Daily and weekly stuffs

Keep score / measurements 

Often people assume the plan was the issue not the execution. Don't fall into this trap

Combination of leading and lagging indicators (rather than just lagging typically)

Goal is 85% of the score card stuff per week for execution. 

Cant be reactive and have things grab your attention and do those things. Rather block your time and say not to interruptions. 

Block out time
- strategic block, 3 hr dont accept any calls or interruptions. 
- buffer blocks, dealing with unplanned items, email. 30 min to 1 hr once to twice a day
- Breakout blocks, planned free time, take some time off to keep a creative edge. At least 3 hrs not work during work hours. 

Ideal week, concept 

Accountability isn't consequences, it's ownership

You need to be committed, keep your promises to self 

Commitments Needs
- strong desire
- key stone actions
- count the costs 
- act on commitments not feelings
- only 12 week commitment, then re evaluate

Be present 
- discipline to do the extra minor thing makes champion 
- life balance isn't balanced but a few things well for 12 weeks at a time
- to decide what to focus on, start with vision then rate on 7 areas of life balance
  - spiritual
  - partner
  - family
  - community
  - Physical
  - Personal
  - business
- 1  - 10 
- either a source or drain of energy
Putting it all together
- execution system
  - clarity and focus as well as urgency
  - fundamental elements
    - vision, planning, process control, measurement, greatness in the moment, time use, commitment, accountability
  - 3 principles
    - accountability, how can I personally fix
    - commitment, promise to self or others 
    - greatness in the moment, doing the hard and necessary thing day to day
  - 5 disciplines
    - vision, clear picture of the future
    - planning,
    - process control, align daily actions with critical plan actions
    - measurement,
    - time use, 
- change over time
  - uninformed optimism
  - informed pessimism
  - valley of despair
  - informed optimism
  - success
Vision
- personal vision to help get through the hard times
  - should combine personal and professional lives
  - 3 time horizons, long, mid (3 yrs), 12 weeks
- planning
  - most important **actions** to hit your goal only
  - how should be defined 
  - defines weekly tasks to do week by week each of the 12
  - long term capacity vs long term results
    - should target income generation in the current 12 weeks
    - capacity objectives too (long term stuff)
  - structure
    - specific and measurable goals
    - state positively (accuracy over error rate)
    - realistic stretch (if you don't need to change anything, wrong, if you have no shot at is, also bad)
    - assign accountability 
    - time bound (date by which executed)
    - 
    - 2 or 3 goal 
    - planning target, with tactics
    - Tactics  - specific actions to take week to week. Has a verb and complete sentence
- example
  - goal
  - highest priority weekly and daily activity to reach said goal 
    - brainstorm and the sort
  - specific in each of the 12 weeks where you plan on doing the action 
  - ask these question
    - what actions will you struggle with?
    - how will you overcome these struggles?
- common pitfalls
  - plan and longer vision, not aligned
  - aren't staying focused (too many goals)
  - don't make the tough choices (pick the best tactics, less is more)
  - keep it simple (if you feel like it's getting to complicated it probably is)
  - plan should meaningful to you
process control 
- tools and events to help you make sure you execute even when unexpected things happen 
- weekly plans
  - daily and weekly action
  - tactics from 12 week plan that need to be done on that week
  - peer support
    - encouraging and sharing is quite significant
    - 2  - 4 people
    - individual report out
     - results to date
     - Weekly score
     - intentions for coming week
     - feedback and suggestions from group
    - successful techniques
    - encouragement
  - weekly 
    - score your week
    - plan your week
    - participate in a WAM
- measurement
  - faster feedback and lead indicators are better
  - record weekly, measure execution (did you stick to weekly plan?)
- measurement is uncomfortable but necessary
- you controll actions over results
Time
- time blocking, with some buffer blocks
- get used to saying no and delegating unimportant
- align actions with your best strengths and unique capabilities 
- strategic blocks  - 3 hrs, in length
  - work on your business not in it
- buffer blocks  - 30 min to 1 hrs, 1 to 2 times a day
  - deal with various annoying minutia
- break out  - 3 hrs, once a week
  - help prevent burnout
- model work week
- have to come to terms with the idea that you cannot get to it all. 
- buffer time when team knows where you are and that you're open to help / solve questions 
- distractions bad, multi tasking bad, busy != Productive
Accountability
- no excuses, 
- no one cares about your outcomes
- you're the only one responsible for your outcomes
- if you want something that you don't have you need to do something you aren't currently doing 
- team stuff
  - you can't hold people accountable
  - people need to own stuff to be accountable themselves
  - accountability != Consequences
    - accountability == ownership
  - don't wait for things to change 
  - focus on what you can controll 
12 week commitments 
- try to be honest with yourself about the reasons your for not doing things you want to do. 
  - this is the first step in resolving them 
  - make sure you're aware of the costs. And okay with them as you commit to them 
- be willing to say no,.over breaking promises
  - be aware of the sacrifices that promises create
- 







The 12 Week Year

Growth is the idea not titles or accolades

Skills of character: getting better at getting better 

* character is the ability to prioritize your values over your instincts
* how you show up on the hard days 
* specifically proactivity, discipline and determination
* get comfortable getting uncomfortable

  * abandon tried and true methods
  * go into the ring before you're ready
  * commit to failing more times than most people try 
  * brave enough to be uncomfortable
  * might be best to try your least comfortable and other learning styles (writing, looking, doing, speaking)

    * writing is a tool to learn and think 
  * learn techniques that aren't comfortable
  * not about the right method for you, but the right method for the task 
  * seek discomfort as a measure of success. If you feel awkward and uncomfortable it means its working 
  * exposure therapy, either gradual or all at once 
* **absorptive capacity**

  * be proactive (seek out information)
  * curb your ego (consider things that are offensive to your or make you look bad)
* **ask for advice over feedback**

  * what's the one thing I could do better? 
* it's important to know the toleration of errors and imperfections is good. 

  * perfectionism is the enemy of knowing trade offs that can be made in your favor 
  * perfectionism bad because, get people really caught up on tiny unimportant details, and really focus on what they're good at rather than what need to be done because they're afraid to fail 
  * set hard goals, not perfection as goals. Perfection as goals often manifests as stopping and restarting until every aspect feels right but you kinda need to dimple through on new things to get better. 
  * need to contextualize from how past you would feel about now you
* people tend to remember you peaks not your troughs 
* minimum lovable product

  * do sentiment analysis, look for trends in critiques 
* judging committee

  * bring together 5 - 7 people, of insiders and outsiders you know and like
  * judge 1 - 10, then also how can I get closer to 10. 
  * aspirational 9, goal or 8

Structures for motivation 

* something that's emotionally upsetting -> stop unwanted flashbacks by...

  * Tetris? 
  * assigned to play Tetris after flashbacks
* **common elements of scaffolding**

  * reach out to others
  * unique solution to problem
  * pivotal point in time
  * temporary

Transforming the daily grind

* scaffolding that transforms the daily grind into something fun
* not I should practice but I want to practice
* deliberate play, introduce novelty and variety into practice

  * ways you learn
  * Tools you use
  * goals you set 
  * people with whom you interact
* the people with the most discipline use the least of it. Rather they choose to change their situation instead. 

  * marshmallow test, scaffolding

    * cover eye, sit on hands, 
  * curry, ever drill is a game

    * get to 21 points in 10 minutes but between every shot you have to sprint to the mid court line and back
  * compete against past self, aiming to get better
* all great athletes love the process
* even deliberate play shouldn't be done all day every day
* you can over practice
* take breaks and vacations for creativity
  Getting unstuck
* platue is not final but might mean needing to backup and take a new path
* difficult to accept that you need to go back and suck for a while. Trial and Error
* people don't bc fear
* need a compass not a road 
  Guides
* usually a few, not just 1
* make their implicit knowledge explicit

  * pin, key turning points, cross roads 
  * skills Sought out, advice they took or ignored, changes they made
  * they won't all apply to you
* have fun but challenging side hustles and side projects 
  Defying gravity
* **treat barriers as challenges not threats**
* collective scaffolding creation
* learning by teaching 
* coach effect, coach others rather than seek out help, reflect on advice you've given to others 
* other people's expectations become self fulfilling prophecies both to the positive and negative

  * being doubted by experts is demoralizing
  * being doubted by amateurs can be motivating 
* having a partner or people counting on you is helpful motivation 
  Systems of opportunity, opening doors and windows
* increased odds of patent / inventing

  * parents income (opportunity for risk)
  * zip code, surrounded by like minded individuals 
    Every child gets ahead 
* believing in the potential of all students

  * practices, values and underlying assumptions
  * US is a winner takes all, talent which shows early kinda situation
  * Finland, int has many forms, every child has potential, creates.edu equity
* let's stay together

  * **same teacher multiple years in a row. Teachers move up**
  * social and emotional support,
  * knowing your students and better being able to support them and make suggestions 
  * an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. 

    * personalized support 
  * leaders who are knowledgeable about the work 
  * reading is an enabler for being able to learn things
        - children seeing us read
        - Talking about books
        - reading to them 
        - **need to be able to choose what you learn and share it** 
    Unearthing collective intelligence in teams
* **best teams have the most team players**
* not the best team but the best glue
* spend time

  * exchanging ideas
  * coach one another
  * Learn together
* knowing results depend on everyone's input (collective outcome)
* narcissistic ball hogs more likely to lead despite being less competent
* introvert leaders handle proactive teams better, extrovert leaders handle reactive teams better 
* brain writing

  * generate ideas separately
  * anonymous sharing
  * everyone evaluates on their own
  * then go together to refine better
* balanced participation (hard with people who like talking)
* traditional ladders are stupid - your manager has 100% of power over you

  * might say no to your ideas because it's a threat to their ego or image, question motives or reasoning, risk and uncertainty
* lattice instead of ladder

  * idea is multiple leaders who are willing to lift you up
    Diamonds in the ruff
* if you select by trade standards, you miss out on people who overcame adversity 
* peter principle, promotion to incompetence
* degree of difficulty matters, overcoming hardship in your personal life / circumstances
* how well people react to adversity,

  * quotas bad -> outsiders and themselves question competence
  * blind auditions are bad -> doesn't account for being self taught 
* **your interview process should support your interviewee like an employee, with lots of leeway and compassion**

  * most people have anxiety and trad process only encourage that
* becomes not representative of actual performance
* make them comfortable, give them a do over, treat the like an Allie no the enemy, do a problem together
  Dreams
* studies show, dreaming bigger leads to bigger outcomes
* **Imposter syndrome is "I don't know what I'm doing, it's only a matter of time until they figure it out"**
* **growth mindset is "I don't know what I'm doing yet, it's only a matter of time until I figure it out"**
  Epilogue
* paradox of imposter syndrome, you don't believe in yourself when others do but you do trusted yourself about that notion over other people
* sign in hidden potential, you might be underestimating yourself
* living your values not reaching your goals
* no higher value than better tomorrow than today


Hidden Potential

### Premis

* relationships are very important to humans
* adults don't know how to actually resolve conflicts

  * cannot avoid, or band aid or 
  * must work through it
* fear of they're who they really are the other person will leave, thus lives a lie and cannot actually connect

#### What is conflict

* conflict comes from threats. 

  * to much closeness - aggressiveness, overwhelmed, desire for space,
  * to much distance - fear of abandonment, or they don't care,
* disconnectors: posture, collapse, seeking, avoid

  * try and recognize and tell partner about
  * posture

    * defensiveness, blame, get physically bigger. Hiding vulnerability
    * collapse: implode, shut down, self blame
    * seek: anxiety when people are moving away, we seek them out. They might feel pressured or intruder upon
    * avoid: try to avoid and create distance between. To protect self
* learning to face inner conflict and work through outer conflicts

#### How most people do conflict

* they typically are afraid of explicit conversation about their conflict for fear of making things worse 
* getting to the root of why people are avoiding conflict. Ask why you are doing what you're doing, more whys or what are you afraid of this continually. 
* inside out approach, change yourself to help others change 
  Relational Leader
* admit stuck and need help
* take personal responsibility for the outcome you want
* learn grow and develop
* embrace and engage with conflict

  * conflict isn't the problem, it's how you do problem
  * lead with my in (behavior, action or inaction)

#### Childhood implications

* secure attachment style, is best (**safe, seen, soothed, supported, challenged**)
* relationships were unreliable -> insecure attachment styles
* **70% of the time misconnection happens and that's fine.**

  * **it's the lack of repair and reconnection that's the issue**
  * main issue is impact on future intimate relationships 
* you can learn and fix this
* if they can't fix they either lash out to try and repair or take pre emotive action to try and keep from getting hurt
* parents need to be able to reflect 

#### Your scared animal

* often it takes control and doesn't think to much (learn to work with it)
* brain is more pain avoidant than happiness seeking
* unresolved conflict long term hurts your well being (underlying stress is a huge issue)

#### The price of avoiding conflict

* people often trade peices of their true self for connection with others (acting in a socially encouraged but less authentic way)

#### How to resolve your inner conflict

* **don't live aligned towards other people's values.** 

  * **know your own values and orient towards them** 
  * **be specific (drill down from family)**
  * **work out what the underlying value is (work is not a value, security, creativity, are tho)**
* be authentic, people will have reasons to not be, 

  * what's the worst thing that could happen

#### Learn to work with your triggers

* our responsibility to take responsibility for our reactions as they are at least partially internal 
* self regulation and self reflection

  * Nester meditation, focus on your discomfort and emotions
  * N for number the amount of triggering 
  * E for emotion you're feeling 
  * S for sensation physical you're feeling 
  * T for thought of why
  * R for resource, feel strong and good with feet on ground 
  * practice when you feel triggered, should get more even
* emotions

  * if you aren't practiced interacting with emotion, you won't see your own emotions and others emotion as useful data just as a threat
  * also you won't feel like you know yourself or that other can know you
* self reflection

  * self awareness
  * pause convo and ask for a little space, when you feel like You're getting heated
  * what happened, how you can own it, how it impacted you, how it impacted them
  * need to take ownership
  * other questions to ask self

    * new or related conflict 
    * what am I scared of right now
    * is the feeling going to kill me 
    * did we have agreements about this 
    * am I willing to stay and work through this 
* be willing to take a pause

  * you cannot and are not pausing the other person 
* **stand for yourself, your partner and the partnership in general**
* comforting people,

  * when you were a kid what kind of words would you have liked to hear to make you feel safe supported 
* remember your why, why you're in the relationship

  * connection, growth, love, acceptance, respect, purpose

#### Listening

* listen for the need behind their concerns
* you don't understand until they believe you do 
* be curious about their side
* **reflective listening**

  * **it sounds like x**
* **same page questions**

  * **is that right** 
  * **Am I with you**
* active listening, interrupt to make sure you're being present and know you're getting it right
* **Empathy** 
* **validate**

  * **say that makes sense**
* anything else before we transition to my experience, agree to make a time for other things if past issues are coming up. Check in and make sure they feel you're understood
* your turn to be listened too

#### How to speak during a conflict

* don't talk when enraged or above a 5
* set context, what do you want out of this conversation (both of you) and how long do you have 
* be aware of how your non verbal signals impact things
* eye contact 
* touch plus breathing, sometimes
* behavior and person distinction

  * your rude vs your acting rude
* remember their values
* responsible and respectful
* remember the cost of not speaking
* speak up soon 

#### 5 common fights

* little things with larger underlying feedback
* projecting from childhood 
* security fights (worried the other person is about to bail)
* value differences
* sell them on your idea through your values 
* resentment (the person who compromises their own desires resents, can happen to either party)

  * unmet expectation based on value
  * I resent that x, I expected that x, I put this on you and it's my fault for not telling you that's what I need

#### 12 agreements for happy relationships

* get on board with agreements and clarity
* growth mindset / humility and desire to learn
* own your part
* vulnerable as quickly as possible 
* care and respect
* stay in the conflict until zero (can pause)
* no threats of leaving
* no bringing up over text or email

#### Value differences

* **try and convinces them of the benefits to their values by doing what you want them to do** 
* you want enough shares values to be the glue and directional life guidance for your ultimate visions, then to be accepting of other differences after that


Getting to Zero

General Tactics

* Take ADHD Seriously
* Connect with others
* **Work with your brain not against it**

  * Don't try harder, try different
  * build strategies and systems
  * Do challenging work at times when your brain works best
  * When possible choose, ADHD friendly products and services
  * Ask for tools and accommodations or provide them yourself
  * Approach tasks as a negotiation, what do I need to get the things done, what does my brain need for that thing to be able to happen
* Keep going

Focus

* We don't lack attention, we lack the ability to regulate our attention
* Multi tasking is not time saving
* Boost the signal, decrease the noise

  * Create clear cues
  * Make a plan for what you want to tackle and how before you start
  * Fight distractions with distractions (music or background TV)
* Practice non judgmental redirection

  * mindfulness /  meditation
  * Add friction to what prevent you doing bad things / write them down to create awareness
  * If other concerns and ideas come up, write them down to deal with later
* Make space for hyperfocus and install guardrails

  * create the right conditions for hypercfocus (dedicated time where that's the focus, plus environment)
  * Cut off time (with alarm)
  * When you finish leave notes for what just did and what would I have done next
* Move your body

  * Exercise
  * alternative seating (stand, sit weirdly etc)
  * got to another room
* Rest your brain

  * take a brain break
  * Plan time away from your task
  * take a break from self-reg, (let your brain do what it wants)

How to Executive Function

* Executive Function (brain parts to allow, effectively plan, prioritize and sustain effort towards long term goals) is impaired in ADHD brains

  * Response Inhibition: suppression of actions that interfere with a goal or are inappropriate in a given context
  * Working Memory
  * Set Shifting: switching between tasks that require different cognitive demands, like reading a recipeit and cooking it, switching from speaking and listening. Often ADHDer's go slower or make more mistakes in times like this
  * Executive function is more slow to develop in ADHD brians
  * Hot and cold versions (hot being the more emotional driven vs cold being the more logical)
* Have less stuff to manage

  * Delegate areas of responsibility
  * Keep systems simple so they're easier to maintain and use
  * Practice minimalism
  * Say no to at least some things (limit on going projects)
* Accommodate yourself

  * Add scaffolding, get support your first few times
  * Self advocate
  * Ask for formal accommodations
* Account for the ADHD tax

  * It's expensive in time and money to have ADHD and make ADHD style mistakes, hedge and reserve extra time and money to compensate
  * Use services that are more error tolerant
  * Setup shortcuts (less steps are easier to manage)
  * Invest in tools that can help 
* Build what works for you

  * Look at what's worked before
  * Look at what you currently do
  * Consider your preferences
  * Remember you have ADHD

How to sleep

* We're more likely to miss sleep

  * We're not tired yet
  * We're not done yet
  * We're too stimulated (or not stimulated enough)
  * Revenge bedtime procrastination
* Prioritize the right amount of sleep
* Practice good sleep hygiene

  * Time your stimulants
  * avoid conflitc right before bed
  * keep bedtime and wake times consistent
  * Associate your bed with sleep (no electronics)
* Motivate yourself to sleep

  * Get your needs met during the day
  * create a winddown ritual
  * consider your sensory needs
* Work with your chronotype

  * tackle the heaviest work when you're most alert
  * Prep for mornings
  * create light cues
* Have a backup plan

  * Sleep somewhere else
  * rest
  * make a wakeup plan

How to see time

* Time blindness, is a problem
* Build up your time wisdom

  * When you plan work backwards: start with what you want to accomplish and by when and go backwards from there. 
  * Track your time, guess and then actually track
  * Notice where you're stealing time: making up for lost time isn't a thing, notice when you're taking time from something else you were suppose to be doing
* Make time real

  * Get specific: later should be a specific time
  * Use time pillars to prop up your day: regularly scheduled activities to anchor your day (otherwise time can loose meaning if you don't have any time pressure or reference points for a day)
  * Create some "time buckets": ares of your day, week or month dedicated to certain types of activities, like admin or hobbies or deep work. 
* Communicate about time

  * Ask for help prioritizing
  * Share your plan with others and get a reality check
  * Before committing to something, ask what it entails
  * Ask for a time-related accommodation
* Have times when time doesn't matter

  * Sequence instead of schedule
  * keep some days meeting free
  * set aside flexible days
  * take a time vacation

How to motivate your brain

* Add motivation

  * add urgency
  * find the right level of challenging
  * tie the task to a personal interest
  * add novelty
* Reduce friction

  * Do what you can ahead of time
  * rmove physical obstacles
  * invest in tools you enjoy using
  * tap into your why
  * ride the wave
  * eat the ice cream first
* add or increase accountability

  * decide on what you're going to do and what you're not going to do
  * find productivity partners
  * shorten feedback loops
  * make it a competition
* make rewards more salient

  * pick meaningful rewards
  * scale rewards strategically
  * make rewards more immediate
  * give yourself the rewards for doing the thing
* don't expect yourself to stick with things

  * cycel through hobbies and jobs and intestests
  * cross pollination between interests is great
  * set a date to reevaluate

How to Remember Stuff

* use an assistant

  * Journal
  * todo list
  * Project managemet software
* Lower the deamdn on your working memeory

  * visual or auditory reference
  * active body double (real person to quiz you for answers)
  * one task at a time
  * take one step at a time
* improve encoding

  * give yourself a hook to hang onto new info
  * use active studying strategies (reading bad, flashcards and taking notes actively good)
  * make it sticky (weird stuff is easier to remember)
  * teach it to someone
  * Give it time
  * sleep
* Use cues but with caution

  * Put things where you can see them
  * keep "to-do" cues to the time and places where you can follow through
  * ignore cues mindfully
  * use cues to remind you of your intentions

How to Feel

* Label your emotions

  * Label intensity
  * use external prompts
  * create your own labeling system
  * look for the emotions behind the emotions
* Make space for your emotions

  * WAIT before taking action
  * sit with your feelings
  * take time to explore your emotions
* Use your emotions

  * use them as motivation
  * use them as a compass
  * enjoy them
  * foster connection
* find your emmotional balance

  * practie meditation
  * seek support before and take breaks from emotionallhy difficult situations
  * put your effort ito things you can control

How to People

* Figure out what you have to offer

  * Notice the qualities you appreciate in others
  * list to what others say they appreciate about you
  * figure out wha tyou're looking for
  * reassess!
* Meet new People

  * Go where people meet people
  * go where your strengths will shine
  * prop some conversation topics in advance
  * look for shared values
* level up your social skills

  * Observe others
  * ask for stronger social cues
  * try a tutorial
  * play on levels you enjoy
* Make socializing routine

  * Set aside regular day or time to check in with people
  * have go-to people for certain activities
  * reach out when you remember to
* Communicate your boundaries

  * differentiate between want to and willing to
  * talk about expectations
  * ask for what you want but respect their limits
  * when you're the one giving, respect yoru limits
  * set your own policies

How to Make ADHD harder

* Learn what you're dealing with
* Think holistically
* Seek community with people who share your condition/background/identity
* Respect your own journey

How to Heart

* Engage in empathy

  * Ask about their experience
  * ask about their inner world and thought processes
  * Be an advocate
* Choose your battles

  * prioritize
  * let us fail
  * let some stuff go
  * find other solutions with the milk carton rule (buy a person copy for something shared so it can always be on your settings)
* Collaborate on Solutions

  * Be clear on the goal
  * allow us to achieve the goal in a way that works for us
  * Look for the and
  * Stay in your lane (you are not a coach or therapist)
* Look for the good

  * notice their effort
  * flip the coin (look for things you love about them)
  * Assume the best intent
  * Celebrate their successes
* Take care of yourself

  * Set boundaries
  * engage outside support
  * allow yourself to have feelings
  * Take a break

How to Change the world

* Find your fuel

  * Keep an inspiration for a rainy day file
  * be the person you needed
  * spend some time ideating
* Focus on what you want, not what you don't want

  * set constructive goals
  * frame requests in the positive (walk instead of don't run)
  * respond to the people who add to the conversation
  * vote
* Join forces with the people doing the work

  * Donate or fundraise
  * signal boost
  * share resources
  * collaborate
* Share your story

Lean into your strengths


How to ADHD

Dotcom Secrets

- steps
  - sit comfortably
  - feel your breath, coming in and out
  - notice when you are distracted and come back to breath
- idea is to practice, being presents and getting distracted
- benefits
  - general underlying more calm
  - focus practice, easier time to focus
  - more space between intrusive thoughts and actual actions
    - respond not react (not autopilot reactions)
- meditation guide
  - distraction is normal
  - try to gently focus on the breath (or other sensation), not controll but try to observe and be curious
  - let it hear other thoughts but be focused on the breath
  - if you get super distracted try and observe what happened (let it go without judge and return to the breath, try to be satisfied with Having noticed the awareness)
  - try guided audio meditation
- thinking vs awareness
  - actor vs stage
  - notice when you're thinking is trying to steal the show,
- Working example
  - curious mindset
  - in and out break (focus on a sensation)
  - say thinking when you start thinking, then go back to in and out
  - Notice what it's like to be caught by thinking
  - Not annoyed but curious, how soon can you notice
- you should be friendly about your criticisms and misjudgements. Gently re direct
- hurt more suffer less.
  - more aware of your hurt and emotions
  - Less impacted by them and less likely to act with them in mine
- feel satisfaction that when you've noticed, that you wandered
- meditation habit formation tips
  - need to be related to reward: motivation -> anxiety reduction. A present. Visual representation of stuff
  - work it into your schedule (same time every day). Cue, routine, reward loop.
  - permission to fail: experiment, fails and try again
  - 1 minute counts
- stage 2 meditation
  - notice and get curious about where your mind wanders. Pattern? Triggers?
  - pattern noticing not to get sucked in unconsciously
  - Lean into your feelings
- compassion training
  - try to see and allow things that are happening to you. Are you uncomfortable
  - a wish (explicitly not a plan) for things to get better for you and others.
- find you body signals for certain emotions
  - notice, the emotion, it's physical manifestation
  - accept the emotion, open to it with self compassion
  - investigate,
- emotions followed by, is this useful
- welcome your distractions (is an attitude thing)
- equinimity - a kind of lack of resistance and leaning into the feeling and experience
  - don't try and controll the experience, no judgement, etc, let it all wash over you
- attirude
  - friendlyness
  - enjoyment
- it's about feeling however you feel, goal is to see what you're feeling not change it.
- try a do nothing, nothing at all meditation
  - drift and let your thoughts flow
- try to get high on the specific sensations of having your own body


Meditation For Fidgety Skeptics

Get rich slow
- 401k, save, no debt, index funds and you can be rich at 65. 
- but what if you want to be rich before 65???? -> this book 
- because a road to wealth that isn't guaranteed and takes most of your life kinda sucks 

Chapter 3 
- Wealth is a formula
- Process over events
- Process cannot be outsourced because it creates wisdom and context


Chapter 4
- Beliefs motivate action 


Side walk
- living check to check basically
- no savings, lots of debt
- no plan
- you can't medicate poorly mine management with more money 

What is wealth
- wealth is in 
  - Family - relationships
  - Fitness - health
  - Freedom - choice
- the above are different for everyone

Misuse money and it will misuse you
- lots of money but no freedom is still miserable 
- must prefer delayed gratification
- if you think you can afford it, you can't. If you could afford it, it would be as inconsequential as buying a pack of gum

Lucky bastards play the game
- create your own luck, take swings and spend time doing research. Process
- the rich people aren't lucky, this opposite is a belief. It's about work and being out there. 

Wealth demands accountability 
- people assign their fate to others rather than taking responsibility and doing their own research
- take responsibility 
- if something bad happens you probably didn't do your do diligence and blaming others doesn't help
- own up to your mistakes and make change (don't just blame others)

The lie you've been sold in the slow lane
- living for the weekend is bad
- trapped in the rate race is bad
- slow lane 5 for 2 time trade of in the negative

The criminal trade your job 


The slow lane, why you aren't rich 
- need control and leverage 
- slow lane is job + index funds is formula
- low control, low leverage 
- salary based on time and intrinsic value 
- cannot control or leverage time 
- compound interest also relies on time 
- cannot control investment yield either

The futile fight, education
- thinking you can outwork the time issue from the above, via more credentials. 
- Education that expensive or debt ridden or shackling to job specific job
- manipulate intrinsic value by further education 

The hypocrisy of the gurus
- paradox of practice
- do you practice what you preach, and has it gotten you the results?
- people shell index funds, usually didn't use them to build wealth, they used their media presence. 

Slow lane victory, a gamble of hope
- base on hope and assumptions 
- Assumes you will be healthy when old
- Assumed you can stay employed
- assumes home will gain value
- Assumes markers will never have a down turn
- financial discipline is needed when income explode
- slow lane defiance 
  - fame defies the slow lane -> because intrinsic value explodes
    - corporate director, over worked
- math is bad

Wealth Shortcut, the fastlane
- controllable unlimited leverage
- business / entrepreneur ship
- perceptions 
  - debt: debt is useful if I can grow and build my system
  - Time: most important asset, better than money
  - edu: constant growth is critial
  - money: is everywhere, reflection on value I've created
  - primary income: income via business systems and investments
  - wealth acceleration: make something from nothing, 
  - Wealth perspective: build business systems
  - wealth equation: net profit + asset value
  - strategy: help people
  - destination: lifetime passive income via assets / investments
  - responsibility and control: life is what you make it, in your control 
  - life perceptions: dream pursuit
- you can get rich quick (5 - 6 years), there is no get rich easy
- paraho tasks sons with build pyramids alone, one drags stones, the other spend a lot of time building a machine and then finishes

Switch teams and play books
- team producer over team consumer
- Need a business and to provide value

How the rich really get rich
- net profit plus asset value
- net profit - unit sold times unit value
- asset value - net profit times industry multiple
- variables in this equation are much more controllable
  - raise until sold by increasing convention ratio
  - raise until sold by increasing traffic to place
  - raise until supply (increase value per unit)
- need large reach with potential scalability (large audience and market)
- business itself is an asset, which increases in value as you grow it with potential to sell later. 
- liquidate (sell your business) for an exit 

Divorce wealth from time 
- passive income, make money trees
- a lot of businesses can't produce passive income
- fast lane passive types
  - rental systems
    - Real estate
    - licenses
    - royalties
  - software systems
    - they work 24/7 and don't have needs
    - accessible to millions
    - easy replication
  - content systems
    - info system
    - books (combination with software), blogging, forums
  - distribution systems
    - moves products to the masses
    - like Amazon Or app store
    - franchising or chaining
  - human resources systems
    - factories with employees
    - employees complicate things a lot (avoid)
      - in large part because they need to be managed and kept happy

Recruit your army of freedom fighters
- best money tree is money (interest). CD or bond or Treasury, 
- compound interesting is good for sustaining wealth after you've made it, not good for building wealth like a slow learner 

The real law of wealth
- affect millions make millions
- how many people have you impacted and solved problems for 
- scale or magnitude or both 
- scale is sell something cheap 1 million times
- magnitude is something insanely expensive a few times 

Own yourself first
- Sole proprietor or partner ship
- better is C corp, then S corp, then LLC
- all have limited liability and tax efficiency

Life's steering wheel
- poorness come from poor choices
- address problem at source rather than symptoms
- don't make stupid choices 
  - drunk driving
  - Murder
  - cheating

Wipe your windshield clean
- your perception of what is possible and what is likely shapes your actions and thus what can actually come to transpire
- stop with internal language like, I can't, I could never, they're so lucky, I think I, I might, 
- same with memories, can be framed as acceleratory or saboteury 
- change by finding evidence and surrounding with people's
- worst case consequence analysis
  - worst case?
  - Probability?
  - worth the risk?
- weighted average decision matrix
  - big decisions
  - important factors, weight factors, grade each choice by its weighted factors. 
  - Multiply weight times grade
  - add up for each one

Deodorize flatulent headwinds
- going to counter society will be hard because people will judge you. You have to be counter and believe you can do it. 
- turn your back the others and let them motivate you 
- Don't listen to the people who are obstacles, and want to discourage you
  - can include environment
  - Can include job and it's draining nature
- associate with people who encourage and accelerate you


Your primordial fuel, time 
- standing in hours for line for free fried chicken is a terrible thing
- money over time and life is awful 
- time is more valuable than money
- endentured time is spent serving or recovering from serving someone else 
- parasitic debt

Change that dirty stale oil
- learning to helped build your money machine rather than learning to increase intrinsic value
- Always be learning
- learn by doing 
- I don't know how -> go learn (you can do it for free)
  - library
  - internet, YouTube
  - books
- I don't have time -> two birds one stone (audio books during, driving, toilet, exercise, waiting event like airport, work down time, )
  - choose area that interest you to start
- learning should be nearly free (anything that expensive should be looked at with maximum suspicion)
- good seminars are less than 1000, but not free

Hit the red line
- you got to want it
- you got to sacrifice and work OT on it
- you gotta be okay with failure (it will happen a lot)
  - bad worst case analysis creates fear of failure
  - you want high upside, low downside 
- some day, is a dangerous paralyzing idea
  - I'm waiting for...
- take swings, you only need 1 home run

The roads to wealth
- no all businesses work for this, (can't impact people on the right ways)


The commandment of control
- controll every aspect of your business 
  - sell stock they don't buy stock
  - They sell licenses they don't buy them
- if you're doing an affiliate program for someone else, they can change the rules on you at any time
- If you can't change the product or price it's not your business 

The commandment of entry 
- low barriers to entry means crazy amount of competition and causes tons of issues
- high barriers to entry are a good thing
- can do low barrier things but you have to be exceptional (this is super hard and a bad idea typically), if you are exceptional the easy entry people become an asset because they are your easy Marks and your suckers
- litmus test: business should be a process not an event. 
  - If it only takes a day it's to easy to enter
- if everyone is doing it, you probably shouldn't be. 

Commandment of need
- business that solve needs
- don't do something because you love it, - look at needs in the market. 
- opens martial arts studio -> goes under
  - better questions
  - is there demand for martial arts in my neighborhood
  - existing studios doing wrong that I could do better? 
  - what I proved value could I provide
- cannot just want money, for passive income or be selfish about desiring moneys
- provide value
- can
  - make them feel better
  - Solve a problem 
  - Educate them
  - make them look better
  - Security
  - appetites
  - Make things easier
  - Give hope
- can't just do what you love
  - lots of competition 
  - Jeopardizes your good emotions about it 
- outragious dream, and a road that converges on that
- passion for an end goal

Commandment of time 
- business be severed from your time
- can it be automated?
- are margins big enough for HR seedlings
- start with the seedlings from the other chapter or introduce one 

Commandment of scale
- want large reach (not just local but hopefully global)
- magnitude and scale
- litmus test questions
  - can you go from 20k to 200k a month
  - Can you impact millions 
  - units sold potential 
  - how pliable is unit price
  - can you impact with magnitude


Rapid wealth creation, interstates (chapter 35)
- internet
  - fulfills commandments
  - types
    - subscription based (analytics, monitoring like site uptime)
    - content based (forums, blogs )
    - Lead generation (fragmented industry, connect consumers with producers)
    - social networks (tribes and aggregators of people)
    - broker systems (fee off the top, PayPal, buyers and sellers together and facilitate transactions, travelocity)
    - advertisers (introducer buyers and sellers, fee for sellers to put up on site)
    - e commerce (sell goods and info, Amazon, adds scale, ebooks)
- innovation
  - manufacture and distribution 
    - sell to whole seller
    - sell to affiliate marketing scheme 
    - Seller on internet
    - mass media
    - Infomercial 
    - Retail
    - Wholesaler
    - direct media 
    - Amazon
    - internet
  - Can be many things 
    - food (recipes, cookies)
    - vitamins
    - house hold (Roomba, hangers)
    - Info
    - clothing
    - automotive (stickers, add ons, air fresheners)
    - books
    - take something and improve it 
    - take an under exposed product and add an Element of uniqueness and repackage it and make it main stream 
      - colorful vodka
      - snuggie
    - marketing, PR, business, can have the best thing but will never sell unless you mark it
- intentional I iteration
    - repeating a process with a desired goal
    - doesn't really do scale
    - instead of buying 1 home, buy like dozens
    - franchising or chaining a store
    - 1 vending machine vs 1000 machines

Find your open road
- some ones already doing it? So do it better. 
  - can you make it more user friendly? 
  - poorly met needs and do it better
- my space -> Facebook
- yahoo -> google
- snuggies (again)
- road seems close but someone came along and did it better
- phrases that uncover opportunity
  - I hate
  - I don't like
  - This frustrates
  - why is this like this
  - do I have to
  - I wish there was 
  - I'm tired of 
  - this sucks
- any of these prompt issues that you can solve 
- discomfort, distress, inconveniences, problems, performance gaps
- everyone fails on the road to success, gotta keep going
- opportunity is rarely about complete creation but about performance gaps, small inconveniences and pain points 
- product but better marketing and sales or slight tweak to address majority's complaints or minor issues

Give your road a destination
- passive income or lump sum with interest to support
- define life style 
  - house? Cars? Private schools?
- assess cosset targets
  - monthly costs and taxes
  - monthly unknowns (food, gas, health insurance, etc)
  - gross living cost  -> 
  - for lump sum net cost times 12 divided by 0.04 
  - for system, gross living cost times 5
- Fund and open
  - look 3 feet in front not 3 miles (to over whelming)
  - repetitive progress to a goal
- you need to educate yourself on financial literacy
  - basic edu like
    - interest rates
    - taxable and non taxable yield
    - Amortization of mortgages
    - balancing of check book
    - percentage 
    - rOI calculation 
    - Stock rise and falls
    - why 15 % CD is screaming scam
    - stock calls and puts
    - why insurance exists
    - How a mutual fund works
    - what bonds are and why they rise and fall
    - global currency 
    - simple interest
    - price of a bond when interest rates go up
    - basic finance
    - basic economics 
  - keep expenses under income, while expanding income 
  - hiring a financial advisor doesn't fix thing
    - literacy is needed to evaluate quality of advice

Speed of success
- only looking at price is too simple 
- instead play chess (In this order)
  - execution
  - marketing
  - customer service
  - product
  - people 
  - ideas
- execution over ideas


Burn the business plan, ignite execution
- the world tells you if they are good
- You need to put things out there and then it will react and you can watch and adapt 
- business plans are stupid, more ideas, and not related to execution at all
- financial analysis is still needed
- venture capitalists./ Investors need a track record via execution

Pedestrians will make you rich
- customer service, help, support and resolve
- black book with complains from everyone in it
  - similar complains means you need corrective action
- 4 types of complaints
  - change
    - people hate change, any re design will have some hate but too much is bad
  - Expectation
    - negatively violate their expectation
    - deceptive marketing or didn't get what they wanted
    - either way you need to change
  - void
    - complaints of customer requesting something and you simply don't have it
    - gold mine of opportunity 
  - fraud
    - fraudulent complaints to abuse the business owner 
    - explain once with grace and then move on
  - keep records and look for patterns
  - some people should be ignored
- most customer service sucks, differentiate by being better 
  - surprising if you get someone who speaks English and resolves quickly
  - creates really good word of mouth 
  - respond quickly, get a real person to do good things
  - get an understanding of what expectation are for customer support in your industry, then do better and create super fans 
  - better to focus on customer retention over new customer acquisition 
  - keep the customer happy because they are the boss 
  - make your product look big by having profiles for many roles
  - act small by having good service

Throw hijackers to the curb
- business partner is like being married
- be careful on other peoples priorities, values and work ethics being different
- work ethic
- vision 
- slowly or fast
- do you trust them with your life?
- synergy over diversification
- good team of accountants and attorneys 
- vulnerable to scams
- Verify first, trust later
- con artists and thieves
- employees have the share you customer philosophy
- great product services cannot overcome bad customer service
  - but the reverse can

Be someone's savior
- comodification
  - no loyalty to product but only buy the cheapest and move on 
  - gas, airplane tickets
  - product needs to stand out to the crowd
  - you don't want this
- don't do what you love
- don't do what you know
- do what people need
- don't get glued to the competition, do your own stuff, and innovate yourself
  - 5% of the time look at them to see what they're weaknesses are and do them better

Build brands not businesses 43
- marketing
- game of perceptions
- Brand not a business
  - Good brand creates loyalty and protects from comodification
  - Coke over Pepsi regardless of prices
- get unique
  - unique value proposition (USP)
  - What's different? Why you over others?
  - should fulfill a need 
  - should be unique, benefit with powerful action verb,
    - loose weight -> shred pounds, obliterate fat
    - grow your business -> explode revenue, shatter sales records
  - be specific and given evidence
    - your car sold in 20 days or it's free
    - drop 20 pounds or don't pay a dime 
  - short clear and concise
  - integrate USP into all marketing materials
    - trucks, website, voice mail, sales scripts, 
  - needs to capture attention
  - need to deliver 
- rise above the nosie
  - polarization
        - piss off half of people with a crazy extreme idea
    - be riskay
        - sex sells
    - arose emotions
        - pride, achievement, sadness, hope, exhilarate, make them laugh,
    - be interactive
        - taste it, feel it, use it, let them do it
        - get people to talk about themsleves
    - find out what happens next
        - tease people to do some things
    - be unconventional
        - get their attention
    - give a whats in it for me statement
        - how will it help them 
- translate features into benefits
    - think from your audience and typical buyer
        - what do they want? Fear? Values?
    - isolate feature which actually offers benefits based on the above
- price as a branding weapon 
    - sales are good motivations
    - even if it's what you initially wanted 
    - price should not be based your perception by market perception
- wrong price conveys wrong meaning, depends on the market and your brand and differentiation

Choose monogamy over poligamny
- need to commit to a business
- and don't try to do multiple businesses at the same time. 
- 1 core focus. 

Put it together, super charge your wealth plan
- formula
    - process not an event
- admit
    - slow path is flawed
- stop and swap
    - new road map
- time
    - invest in actives that allow you more time
- leverage
    - controllable and unlimited leverage
- assets and income 
    - exponential growth
- number
    - how much do you need to get to be done? Exact number
- effection
    - more people you impact the better
- stear
    - must commit to the process
- uncouple
    - create LLC or C or S corporation 
- passion and purpose
    - fuel, food motivation
- educate 
    - never stop learning
    - daily reading 
- road
    - get onto a fastlane road
    - see needs and problems
    - can be a better solution that already exists
- controll
    - mostly fully control org
- have
    - have what others need
    - don't chase money 
- automate
    - time detached from business 
- replicate
    - scale, impact millions
- grow
    - multi dimensionally
    - complaints to opportunities
- exit
    - have an exit strategy
    - liquidation event or passivity
- retire / reward / repeat
    - celebrate all the little steps


Millionaire Fastlane

### General

#### Wellness should make you feel better (if you're anxious about your morning routine, it's not good for you)

* habits you dread is not a good thing 
* best exercise is the one you like enough to stick too
* think of it's benefits 
* try to find a way to make it fun

#### Do N of 1 experiments

* single individual experiment for yourself 
* try things
* (be willing to throw things out that are popular and take things that are unpopular)
* know your goals and keep track of impacts
  Think about your death
* good to think about what brings you meaning in life and thus can guide you into things that are more meaningful
* enjoy the little thing
* cherish life
* gives perspective

### How to stick to habits and achieve your goals

#### Figure out your why

* figure out how your activity is aligned with your goals
* negative avoidance is bad motivation

#### Utilize the fresh start effect

* new book of yourself chapter, Monday, New Month, Move, Job hop, New years etc. 

#### Bite sized milestones

* long terms and bite sized goals
* an each day achievement (harder to procrastinate)

#### Use a success framework

* what's your wish?
* what would be the outcome? (How would your life be different?)
* obstacles 
* workaround for obstacles

#### Try temptation bundling

* only indulge in chore with source or pleasure.  

  * only get TV when at gym

#### How to wake up better

* circadian rhythm walk

#### Establish a morning ritual

* minor incentive to get out of bed
* a little treat (nice breakfast food)

#### Chrono type

* what time are you most productive
  Get your phone out of the bedroom

### How to have more energy

#### Metabolically optimized meals

* maximize, fiber, antioxidants and micronutrients, omega 3's, probiotics 
* minimize, refined sugar
* add seeds or herbs, 
* can you add fermented foods 

#### Micro workouts

* 5 minute morning workout routine (make it easy)
* pull ups while making dinner or pushups while coffee
* better to move more often than, all at once (for blood sugar and insulin)
* minor activities, stairs instead of elevators
* is an energy giver not hurter

#### Establish and stick to better boundary's

* Must express boundaries to have them be respected 
* momentary discomfort 
* signs you need

  * dread or anxiety
  * not full self
  * leave interaction and don't know where you stand
  * leave interaction and rethink everything 
* take a pause to think about how your bandwidth factors into their requests 

#### Active muscles to sponge glucose

#### Avoid decision fatigue

* create defaults and automated systems

#### Cold shower

* 1 minute minimum for benefits
* breathing practice to make easier
* good practice for dealing with discomfort

### How to be more productive

#### Create a Rule of 3

* busy is not the same as productive
* (clean the house but don't revise the locations to make cleaning systemically better)
* top 3 things you want to accomplish today. Make sure they get done and actions push into them

#### Recognize the value of your time

* out source work

  * cooking healthy meals
  * once a month home cleaning
* consider cutting out other things in life and outsourcing to get to time back better
* compare joy of physically purchased objects (clothing toys) to outsourcing and what would make you happier

#### Design work based on your energy

* when do you do best, group, thinking, administrative work... Day of week? Hour of day? 
* map to that
* environment (go where you have energy)

#### Overcome procrastination

* commitment devices, self imposed penalties
* non refundable class, item, hotel,
* social obligations / penalty

#### Artificially limit your time

* Parkinson's law, work expands to meet the amount of time in general
* fill perceived extra time
* self fulfilling prophecy

#### Direct your focus the way you want to

* flash light - focused on some info over others, one voice in convo
* flood light - general awareness
* executive control - prioritize some info over others based on goals. Makes sure action and goals are aligned
* flash light and flood light fight each other (don't work together at once)
* bad thoughts? Zoom in or zoom out. (Override with other system) Describe objectively the situation with a zoom out (envision yourself). Or zoom in and feel your physical sensations. 

### How to increase creativity

#### Just start

#### Gesture and fidget more

* gesturing while learning helps memory and recall 

#### Do nothing with intention

#### Run into an Ah Ha moment

* physically exhaust your body to inhibit judging parts of brain
* high intensity exercise 

#### **Get in motion**

* **inertia is bad**
* do the smallest thing to start being in motion (or getting something done )

#### **Identify your financial dreams**

* know what you want to do with your money 
* what kinds of things do you love to spend money on 

  * eating out, travel, wellness (common ones)
  * convenience is good
* what would it look like if you could quadruple your spending on this thing, how would it feel? 

#### **Amp up your charisma**

* **signal**,

  * warms and competence 
  * need to balance both 
* **ways to amp us ques** 

  * warms additions

    * head tilt, smile, head nod, wave with a visible palm
    * hmm and oh, vocalization
    * competence ques

      * maximizing space between ears and shoulder
      * shoulders down
      * head up
      * body relaxed and open wide
      * confident relaxed 
      * add more of what you have less of 

#### Start an advice club

* teaching is a great way to learn

#### Identify your unique gifts

* when do you get into flow? 
* unique contributions to projects? 
* anyone(s) you really trust who's opinions you can ask about your best skills?
* folders with touching things for down kinda moments
* try to be in your zones of genius 60% of the time (goal)

#### Imposter syndrome

* zoom out recognition, 

  * I don't like ever book, so why should everyone like me? Ill work with the 90% of people who like me and the others can go somewhere else
  * imagine you fail and then what? 
  * probably less catastrophic than your think 
  * ask for criticism often

#### Neuro science to bring your dreams to life

* visions board
* action board
* tells brain your safe enough to get out of survival mode
* helps you filter mentally for relevant things
* do annually 
* put in a place you see regularly

#### Never be the one to say no to yourself

### How to love yourself

#### Keep a promise to yourself

* you need to trust yourself first with action, otherwise empty words
* keep promises to yourself is how you get trust 
* should be small and relatively easy

#### Eliminate jealousy

* **avoid content that's makes you feel bad** 
* **constant re-evaluation**
* analyze the reason behind feelings of jealousy (and either abandon or mrl towards accordingly)

#### Personal bill of rights

* living by a set of unwritten rules that you hates
* make rights that you have just by existing permission to do or feel
* think of what you would tell your best friend or child 
* don't stand for people who violate
* sample rights, I have the right to X

  * feel any feeling
  * advocate for self 
  * to say no
  * to ask for what I want
  * make case if no
  * respect
  * like what I like 
  * dislike what I don't
  * challenge people 
  * accept people

#### Build belief in self

* note things inside yourself that you feel good about

#### Unlock the hidden info in your emotions

* don't judge your emotions 
* try to accept and figure out what it's trying to tell you

#### Learn to love your body

* Accept your body, love is complicated and you don't need to love every aspect to love
* say 5 things you want to love about yourself
* my body is for feeling not looking at

### How to be happier

#### **Make your schedule match your values**

* **time track and re do wasted time into better things**
* personal goals into calendar (regular calls to mom, workouts, relax time,)

#### Build tolerance for hard things

* challenge is good for you. 
* meditation, col showers, exercise etc

#### Re wire your neural pathway for happiness

* brain has trails, the more you do the clearer the path as opposed to over grown. 
* thus, notice and linger in good feels to strengthen pathways

#### Do something for someone else

#### Fill your life with joy

* **note delight more often in life explicitly** 
* brain biased towards looking for it in life more 
* themes

  * people, actives, 
* joy not escapism

#### Make a life is never boring list

* list of things that are good and fun sorted by time so you can do good and satisfying things rather than social media doom scrolling 

### How to make and keep friends

#### Attract your dream friend

* be intentional about friends because they will encourage your habits and values
* try to identify why you want 

  * cool hobbies
  * encourage x
  * I feel energized by being around
* look at whether people around you are like this
* let go of some people (doesn't need to be explicitly necessarily )
* fill with people who do the thing 
* cast a wider net in your life (circle of acquaintances)

#### Near exposure effect

* people like others they are exposed to more (familiar, unconscious)
* recurring plans (club, teams, classes, weekly get together)

#### Be a fun magnet

* **be a yes and kinda person, build in their ideas and don't shoot them down**

  * don't criticize anyone, including yourself
* **look for opportunities to laugh**
* **give people your full attention** 

#### Habitual open mindedness

* don't make assumptions

#### Become a winning conversationalist

* **ask questions that aren't generic**

  * **working on anything exciting recently**
  * **have any exciting or fun plans for the weekend** 
  * **what's been a recent big highlight for you**?
* positive thoughts association with you and makes you more memorable
* if they don't take the bait 

  * you can go first
  * you can just leave
* get good at listening
* ask deeper questions and follow ups 

#### Deepen your existing friendships

* decide who (pick someone who wants to dot he stuff you want to do)
* get vulnerable (intimate self disclosure is great)
* show up for friend in time of need

  * make sure they know you're available to help when they are struggling 
  * if they are sick send soup

### How to up level your long term relationships

#### Be the CEO of your house hold

* care and optimizations in home and house life

  * figure out task distribution
  * design systems to help fix tasks (recurring reminders, automatically done things, out sourcing)
  * weekly meeting check in 

    * things working? How fix system
* relationship check-in

  * how did you feel cared for 
  * what would you like different for care
  * what's going on in terms of challenges
  * how can I support you in that 
  * let's schedule some fun / intimacy time for us

#### Establish your rules for fighting

* like

  * no character assassination (no name calling or generalizations about them)
  * it's a CO op game, Fighting for relationship together
  * no leaving without saying when you're coming back
  * seek to understand before you seek to be understood
  * take ownership

#### Take your sex life to the next level

* normalize not feeling confident
* think about what you would do if you were more confident 
* tiny changes 

  * not making noise, breathing
  * can we try a different time 
  * can you try kissing my neck
* schedule sex

  * get excited
  * our lives are super scheduled and this is fine
* expect the first one to be bad but enjoy it anyways

#### Let your loved ones surprise you

* **don't assume things about them. Don't treat them like they were years ago**
* perceptions are limiting and wrong
* **be curious about them**

### How to make your gut feel great

#### Eat 30 types of plants per week

* good diets are additive instead of subtractive 

#### Cook and cook your carbs

* changes structure to be a bit better for your colon

#### Eat more fermented foods

#### Get dirty

* touch nature, healthy skin gets dirty
* to much sanitation creates greater likely hood of autoimmune diseases

#### Don't I necessarily eliminate foods

#### Feed your good gut bacteria

* eat fiber
* artichokes, leeks, garlic, onions, asparagus
* post biotic, helps with cancer recovery, feeds gut biome well

#### Eliminate bloating and constipation

* poop more
* fiber + water
* magnesium gliceiate for anxiety, citrate 250 mg up to 500 mg for pooping
* raise knees over hips

### How to love longer

#### Reframe stress relief

* long term low stress bad for you
* try

  * gratitude journaling 
  * time in nature
  * deep breathing exercises 

#### Maximize nutrients per bite

#### Floss and touge scrap

* bacteria in your mouth can get into other places in your body 

#### Stop snoring

#### Upgrade the foods your already eating

* high quality olive oil, extra virgin
* rest your garlic (chop in immediately, at beginning and then add at the end and fry for just 1 - 2 minutes)

#### Challenge limiting aging beliefs

* **largely a capitalism, manipulation thing**
* **blaming aging for health issues** 
* call out messages 

#### Reassess your relationship with Alcohol

### How to feel calmer

#### Set a new boundary

#### Do a life admin day

* schedule time to get all those little things that are bothering you done 

#### Meditate but for less time than you think

* inhale for 4 exhale for 6

#### Action is the antidote to anxiety

#### Stop letting fear controll your relationship with Money

* gain knowledge about personal finance
* don't worry about the big crazy stuff out of your controll (like the economy)

#### Limit the physical cause of anxiety

* Anxiety in a blood sugar issue typically, not anything physically or mentally around you

#### Try and breath work practice

* sniff sniff, slow mouth breath out
* box breathing, nose in 4 counts, hold 4 counts, mouth out 4 counts, hold 4 counts 

### How to restore and rest

#### Have a post work ritual

* ideas

  * shower, walk, candle, close computer and move rooms, 
  * meditate, snack, quick workout

#### Give your brain a bath

* yoga needra
* conscious but very relaxed

#### Take an at home silent retreat

#### Utilize the healing power of nature

* less than you think 
* Looking outside or going for walks

### Making better decisions

#### Practice cognitive offloading

* write stuff down, 
* spending cognitive stuff trying to remember or recall is not worth the effort

  * tried and loved receipts
  * shopping list
  * pod cast ideas
  * Todo list
  * dreams
  * media I want to consume later
  * places I want to visit
  * intriguing products

#### Create a failure resume

* summary of screwups as well as what you learned
* should be free of judgement or shame

#### Into the intelligence of your body

* sub conscious knowledge
* awareness of body signals, shaky hands, awareness of heat beats etc. 

#### Practice decisiveness

* trust yourself based
* protection from discomfort
* Good to learn how to tolerate discomfort

#### Get specific with your emotions

* try to think of 2 other options for what you could be feeling 

#### Have no regrets

* be gentle with yourself 
* learn the lesson, talk int he third person or talk to 10 years from now you
* Regret can help you move forward

### How to be build resilience

#### Reframe negative emotion

* Bodily sensations are constant but you can re attribute emotions 
* if palms sweats can attribute to excitement rather than anxiety

#### Create a mental health checklist

* structure to life (routines)
* Sleep
* exercise
* Relationships 
* Nutrition

#### Remind yourself of your past resilience

#### Make an accomplishments list

* every week, write down every thing you accomplished. Also annual. Reminder that we're more productive than we think we are

#### Use your present relationship to heal your childhood wounds

* love should be unconditional
* identify your childhood pains

  * what did you want most as a child that you never got?

#### Create your own sense of safety and security

* connect with your child self to emotion
* connect with future self to connect with values. 
* how would your past or future self feel about your actions

### How to overcome road blocks

#### How to get unstuck

#### Fight back against the fairy tale

* real relationships aren't like fairy tales

#### Get to the root of low libido

* illnesses, medicines
* mental, distracted because of stress 
* emotional, trauma or shame or guilt
* relationship on the whole, resenting things or arguing
* sensual, quality of sex (should be exciting, varied, feel good, engaging)

#### Reduce your pain

* pain is more holistic, biological, social, psychological elements
* pain perception affected by
  		- anxiety
  		- mood
  		- focus

#### Take the risk

* **regrets fall into these categories typically**

  * **foundation -** 

    * **small decisions that accumulate, spent to much and saved too little, didn't care for their health** 
    * **if only I'd done the work**
  * **moral**

    * **hurting someone** 
  * **boldness**

    * **if only I'd taken he chance** 
    * **still feels better if it fails**
    * **bias for action, make plan and ACT**
    * **connection** 
    * **wishing you'd reached out to someone**


100 Ways to Change Your Life



People and results are intertwined


People do better when they feel good about themselves



1 minute goals 

- 1 page collaborative document. Only for 20% stuff. Expectations well defined. 

- constant review by employee

- managing by prompting, what's happening that you don't like, what would you like to happen instead, what action could you take to get there, would that action really make that outcome happen?

- encourage others to see if behavior is inline with goals and adjust if not the case



1 minute praising's

- feedback is crucial for success

- monitor underlings progress via metrics, 

- also require them to send you progress repours

- idea is to catch them doing something right

- then 1 minute praising's, when he notices you've done something right (right away), he tells you and how good it makes him feel and explain why it helps, give pause to let it sink in,  reinforces by telling you to keep up the good work

- consistent in praise 



1 minute redirects

- if mistake manager is quick to respond 

- makes sure goal is clear. If it isn't manager takes responsibility and clarifies 

- focus on the mistake

- confirms facts/details, tell how this makes manager feel (quiet pause to let it sink in), and how this impacts organization. 

- focus on employee, reminds they employee is better than mistake, you think we'll of them as a person, and that he trusts and has confidence in employee. Doesn't expect it to happen in the future more. 


Why 1 minute Goals work

- Works because people need to know how well they're doing to be motivated. Also what they're aiming at. Bowling is no fun when you can't see the pins or have someone standing over your shoulder.


You can either hire a winner or develop someone with potential. 




Why 1 minute praising work

- positive reinforcement, during all the gradual minor steps of all the progress. Praise a lot for progress in the right direction and get pickier as time goes on. (Like with a child be excited when they are close)



Why 1 minute redirects work 

- feedback in small doses (don't do it all at once during a performance review) -> silent resentment or fact disagreement. 

- Tough then nice, order matters. 


The New One Minute Manager

ATG split squat for the win

Also Tib raises


Knee Ability Zero



Intro

* Concept is that most self care stuff is BS bandaid solutions, your life is a mess but meditation will fix everything for example. 
* Instead look at your personal issue systemically. What's the root cause? Are other people and their opinions involved and can you set boundaries with them? Is the problem causing emotional or relationship issues with you or other you care about? Do you have values that dictate what you should prioritize or do at a minimum if you have to sacrifice something? Make your hard choice. 
* Traditional help like exercise can cause stress because of comparison with others or your past self. (This pattern happens everywhereeeee)

  * some traditional self care can be helpful for some people, for others it can be an unhealthy comparison mechanism or escapism or avoidance strategy. 

Methods and principles. 

Why we turn to fau self care 

* **escape**: over working to burn out then taking wellness retreats (the over working to burn out is the systemic issue, the retreate is an escapist strategy) -> this is a form of avoidance and not making tough life decisions in your daily life to be happier 
* **achievement**: wanting to win and let everyone know you won. Deep seeded feeling of worthless and association of achievement with self worth but it's a never ending vicious cycle (not grounded in caring or compassion for herself, motivated by shame). People buckle under it's weight. If self care forces you to make decisions that make you miserable it's probably not serving you well and you may just be trying to cope. 
* **optimization**: emphasis on organization and control (time hacks, meal deliver service, out sourcing). Felt like she was managing her kids rather than being with them. Can't turn brain off, always on trying to optimize, anxiety over unfinished todo's. **The promise that you will one day arrive and everything will be perfect, but you never will**. Process is wrong. What is "perfect" ? Doing more doesn't always lead to feeling better.  Illusion of control, unwillingness to access your feelings (being seen and knowing yourself) 

  * mother well being linked to 4 factors, feeling unconditionally loved, satisfaction with friendships, feeling comforted when distressed, authenticity in relationships. 
  * optimization breeds more optimizations (time back is looking for more time back rather than trying to emotionally connect with self)

Game is rigged

* women are the social safety net. Daughters taking care of aging parents and children disproportionally
* unpaid domestic labor by women and all the issues there of. Emotional and cognitive energy for all the tasks to actually make a house hold run. 
* **\*\*Lots of anticipating and monitoring of issues, even if women can off load some of the actual work itself to men (but not always)**
* conflicting values, your responsibilities to others and your own well being. 

Must change from the inside out. Seeing yourself in the world differently. Recognizing you have a problem allows you to see your levers and start pulling them. (Asking bothers for help caring for aging family, asking partner, asking work place)

Lever to pull against the world. 

* public policy 
* work place policy
* internal home policy 

**4 principles of real self care**

* say no and set boundaries, 
* treat self with compassion,
* closer to self, Core values beliefs desires
* shifting long term system of power? Assertion of power

Real Self care is a bit of a spot test for whether or not you need professional help. Do things feel so overwhelming that you can't do anything? Do things that usually make you happy have no affect any more?

3 yellow flags

* there is not only one path towards wellness. No one size fits all
* it's a process and you will get some stuff wrong from time to time.

Boundaries and moving past guilt

* women dropping their priorities for others (partners), 

  * "hey, my friend wanted to grab food later even though I know I agreed to watch the dog this afternoon, could you finish up early and do it?" Partners takes on extra shift later to make up and make this all happen. 
* maybe didn't know it was an option, maybe afraid of conflict, maybe to much guilt to cement choice
* need to set boundaries, (most people can't because they don't see their time as their own) 

  * professional boundaries: you don't have to answer your phone. Take time, read the message and then decide what you want to do. 
  * boundaries are hard because your worried about the backlash

Boundaries exercises

* if something is bothering you or you feel a need not being met you need to speak up and have the tough conversation. 

  * willingness to talk to a friend if you feel like you're becoming their therapist, to suggest resources (taking more than their giving)
  * a willingness to try and talk to them when you feel their decisions aren't something you can participate in financially (destination wedding)
  * a willingness to set boundaries on how other people impose their opinions on your life (parents criticizing decision making)
* **need for constant reflection over your life (to make sure you're making and respecting your own boundaries)**

Skills for setting boundaries 

* set guilt in the background
* guilt for doing something healthy against social norms
* must tolerate others disappointment and not see it as a moral failing on our part
* goal is to turn down the volume on guilt and not let it control you and your decisions
* cognitive de-fusion and psychological flexibility. Space between thoughts and feelings. Watching the ocean rather than being caught in a riptide.

  * boundaries with our mind to help with guilt. 
  * watch thought pass you like traffic and don't pull them in
  * focus on the function, where does guilt get you in the long run 
  * your mind tell you what to do. Separation
  * give them more shape, what does the guilt look like, color? Shape? Cloud? Nausea. Name them. Separate the thought from you

Look at people who's opinions are unduly influencing you. 

* societal judgements, family and friends
* worrying about what your friends will say. Feeling like you're falling behind
* what situations make you feel nauseous or bad or dreadful. If neutral ask questions, who will be there, what's going to happen, when... Etc

Asian culture is, sacrificer personal boundaries for the good of the whole

Other bring their own bagadge and expectations into a conversations and if you bring up your boundaries, how they react reflects more on them than you

3 options, yes, no, negotiate. 

I can save time by doing it myself is a female fallacy. Not long term and builds resentment 

**Clearly communicate boundaries. Tips**

* **be clear**: direct and firm. Don't say j was wondering when you need this report back. rather what is the higher priority, report A or B? I will not be able to complete both before the 2nd. 
* **don't ask for permission**: you are making the decision and the other person is allowed to have their reaction. You can express that it was difficult decision
* **don't over explain**: if you don't can come across as asking for permission 

Saying no and making request scripts

* I wish I could swing it but I'm swamped, can we check in next month?
* I appreciate you thinking of me for this role but I'm prioritizing x at the moment. I'd be happy to consider this next year. 
* my schedule has changed can we please reschedule for x 
* I'll need your help with x, can you please be home by x tonight 
* no I'm not free to talk right now 
* I've noticed x isn't working can we set some time aside to discuss it

Sounds great but....

* everything feels critical reasonably. Try to look for situation where you might actually be able to drop what doesn't seem dropable. Sustainability? If you drop and it goes for 3 months what happens. 

  * ask for help from work boss or understanding 
  * try to limit time on certain things and just live with low quality on some things
* **boundary setting with high stakes, (job)**

  * **say no to a small thing and see what happens**
  * prepare for the worst case scenario (prep resume)

**\* Reflect on all actives you do and whether or not they're still serving you (every 3 months)**

You are allowed to change your mind

Treating self with compassion

* permission to be good enough 
* self compassion - 

  * replacing self judgement with self kindness
  * recognizing your shared humanity
  * curious about negative thoughts, rather than taking them as truth
  * I felt x and did x to take care of myself 
* **how you talk to self when things are going wrong. Should be kind.** 
* I cannot control the outcome but I can controll how I treat myself
* Myrtr mode. Taking care of everyone at expense to yourself. Destroying yourself for others. 
* Expectation of compassion, praise or support from others
* Notice inner critic when they're judging you. Notice how they probably look like someone who criticized you in childhood. 
* Try to see them as a popchulture character, so give them less power. 
* Shame, you were never good enough. Writing as a whole person. 
* You are good enough, acknowledge your humanity and extend yourself the grace you would give to others. Understanding your friends can tolerate some small amount of discomfort and inconveniences for you. 
* When people offer help, people often don't want to accept due to fear of being a burden. But humans thrive on connection and you should try and build the skill of saying yes. 
* See if you have unaddressed anger, and identify and name 
* You have to be willing to rest
* Be in tune with your body
* Fear of falling apart when resting 
* Bring yourself into the mental picture, not what do I have to do to help this person 

**Understand your value and then use them to make decisions** 

* Reject norms and choose your values to motivate decision making 
* Gratitude, and recognition of things that are good for you
* **Digest the good stuff. Let it sit and notice it.** 
* Values may shift over life (and probably will), shift in priority mostly
* **Compass, what (goal), how (values) and why (exciting emotional outcome). Pick areas and 1 goal for each. Career, family and you. Reflect on how you want to accomplish, (not boss or parents). Think about why?** 

  * **What, learn to roller blades for me, how, with excitement, curiosity, open mind, why? Because exploration, adventure and trying new things are what feeds my soul.** 
* Goals can be big or small. 

Cultivate community care, areas where you hold privilege and experience oppression. Help other with your privilege where they might be oppressed. 

* Be generous professionally and personally. Can be reaching out to mentor or dropping off dinner for a new mother.


Real Self Care

I might revise this book to be higher rated depending on how much I use principles from it in future workouts. I've already incorporated some but we'll see how many and how much I take moving forward. 


Back Ability Zero

I might revise this book to be higher rated depending on how much I use principles from it in future workouts. I've already incorporated some but we'll see how many and how much I take moving forward. 



ATG For Life

* **we only get this life and it's inherently flawed and will never be perfect (Limited control, limited time, fear of failure, emotional uncertainty of relationships). Must accept this and not attempt flutily to try and fundamental change it.** 

  * trying to constantly be more productive can be just an attempt to create more confidence ) eliminate fear / gain control. This can't possibly work
* **you cant do everything, so you shouldn't try. But that does mean you have to make hard choices about what dreams and standards to let go of.** 

  * hard choices and confronting limitations. 
* **you will never feel on tops of things. Goal posts will shift. (People will give you more if you're good), people aren't satisfied with stuff people's standard rise.** 

  * productivity is a trap, being more efficient makes you more rushed and trying to clear the deck just makes it fill up faster 
  * the more you try and manage, the worse it typically gets
* **need to live at peace with the decks stacked and ever growing and focus on the the important thing**

  * small fake urgent things, need to be ignored for the real important things. They will consume everything otherwise. 
  * They will be oh, let me get this out of the way so I can dedicate real focused time to the important thing. And then by tomorrow their will a dozen more 
* convenient things, can sometimes remove things that are important (human interaction, satisfying friction/effort)
* **not depression that life isn't infinite but an appreciation that it exists as all. (My friend is dead. I wonder what he would have given to be able to be stuck in this traffic)**
* if you could do everything, nothing would have any meaning (heaven would be boring). Your life scarcity gives you meaning
* **pay yourself first with your time, make time every day to do the most important thing and do it first. Other things will probably drop and you have to be okay with that**
* **limit your works in progress. No more than 3. Can abandon projects, just no tons of half finished projects.** 
* **can't just say no to things you don't want to do. But actively say no to things you do want to do in recognition that you only have one life**
* **settling is good. Imaginary people can be infinitely crazy good, even contradictory (exciting and stable)**

  * the fantasy, of being to live out ever tantalizing  future perfectly causes procrastination, because as long as it isn't real it can be perfect without compromise. 
  * when people choose in an irreversible way, people tend to be happier
* **you can't truly care about something without the ability to pay attention to it.** 

  * squandering your attention is literally giving away your life. Distraction is an unconscious failure of that. 
  * internet is a temptation machine to take your attention for things you don't really care about 
  * internet changes your perception via news and echo chambers and such
* focus on the present by doing something painful and paying deep attention to the pain (which ironically makes it less painful)
* **boredom can manifest in confronting your limited control over your life and situation.** 
* **Must expect you have limited control over life and you can do things right but still not achieve what you wanted. Resign yourself to the idea that discomfort is part of this life**
* **Worry is the weird feeling of trying to get security/guarantees about the future ad infinitum. this is stupid, anything can happen**

  * you can't possess or bring time under your control. 
* **you can influence you future, but you can't ever feel certain about your outcomes. Never. You must accept.** 
* the odds that you are you are basically infinitesimal. Your life as it is now hinges on a heap of random coincidences. That being said everything is fine so maybe some comfort in that everything will continue to be fine 
* **planning is meaningful. We just like to pretend it's something it's not, guaranteed**

  * (You should try to influence but can't demand expectation) no need to have things unfold as you expected. 
* **Using time as a means to an end, is bad. Because you can be trying to live in the future that will never exist. Not being present. The present is only useful for the future kinda idea.** 

  * Once I accomplish X I'll be better or feel good or whatever. Flawed mindset and there will always be something like that 
  * instrumentalism of time, making it an instrument to achieve other things. Take away meaning from time. Also just makes it a vehicle for a better time in the future ad infinitum
* paradoxically you can try to hard to be present in the same way you can try to hard to fall asleep

  **Pressure to be productive in your relaxation. Relaxation is only useful for helping with work as a problem.** And can start to feel like work

  * **you should intentionally waste some time off because if it's all for productivity or efficiency or work or the future you aren't really living** 
  * increasingly people struggle to not work. 
  * idea that this is it, and you can't be running towards something better
  * a little embarrassing is ideal for a hobby so you  know you aren't doing it for social pressure reasons. 
  * also good to be pretty mediocre at it (another sign it's genuinely play). There is no hope of ever gaining acclaim or money 
  * to impatient to read. Can't make it faster really
  * **staying busy like an alcoholic, to avoid emotions/experience**
* **problems aren't an impediment they are the substance of a meaningful life**
* **radical incrementalism, 10 minutes to 4 hours a day. Always take weekends. Is more sustainable, you will actually enjoy it.** 

  * stop at the end even if you have energy when you said you will. This strengthening your patience muscle. 
* **connection is what makes time valuable, having a lot of time and freedom isn't that useful without friends to spend it with and worthwhile things to engage with.** 

  * time is something to share, even if it means slightly less control
* **cosmic insignificance therapy. Your life is so tiny in the scale of the universe that it is near indistinguishable from nothing. Meaning your anxiety and fears aren't nearly as important as they seem to you.** 

  * don't expect yourself to put a dent in the universe, so don't worry if you can't do it. 
* **Litmus Test Questions**

  * where are you pursing comfort where meaning would actual require you to pursue discomfort. 
  * choose uncomfortable enlargement over comfortable diminishment for you soul (is intuitive)
  * are you holding yourself to or judging yourself by impossible standards to meet. (Impossible to spend 'enough time' on something, impossible to meet an unlimited number of demands)

    * if you knew this was true what would you change
  * in what ways have you yet to accept who you are instead of who you want to be
  * in what areas of life are you still holding back until you feel like you know what you're doing 
  * how would you spend your days differently if you didn't care so much about seeing your actions see fruition. Journey over destination 
* **More tactics** 

  * fixed volume. Have a 2 to-do lists one with everything and one with a fixed number of entries 10 at most. Where you drag anything over until something on the other end is done. 
  * time boundaries, blank to blank hours and no more. 
  * serialize, 1 project at a time. Don't do more than 1 thing at once. Get better with the anxiety of dealing with only one thing and others looming
  * decide what to fail at. Nominate areas of life where you want to under achieve (no shame), lawn or kitchen or such. Cyclical neglect. Ignore exercise for 2 months while you do X, then re prioritize
  * focus on what you've already completed not just what's left to do. 
  * consolidate your caring, social media wants you to care about tooooo many things. Pick a thing or 2 and be done
  * embrace boring and single purpose tech. Tech is tantalizing because it offers escape to always interesting BS. Delete social media and turn to gray scale. 
  * seek out novelty in the mundane, 
  * be a researcher in relationships, for a challenging or boring moment adopt curiosity to try and figure out who this person is. 
  * cultivate instentatious generosity. When you think of something generous just do it now. People tend not to due to a notion that we'll get around to it later when the time allows (this is an illusion and better to just do it now because it's likely you won't otherwise) 
  * practice doing nothing. If your uncomfortable doing nothing your quite likely to do something stupid just to get away from the discomfort of nothing.


Four Thousand Weeks

* **Process over product. Make the process right and the product will take care of itself** 
* Modern society lies to us and says well measure by product and you can get it with this process. Then the money * comes slower than you were promised and you're still working your ass off
* It's about starting not finishing, about improving not being perfect, 
* Need a good boss (yourself), trust yourself, the process, believe in self. Understanding of failures but still * pushes you
* **A decision can be good even if the outcome is bad (even if you crash driving could have been a good decision)**
* Imposter syndrome is a good sign that you're on the right path. 
* **Confidence is thinking you will win in an instance, trusting the process is believing you will get their and * embracing the wins and failures along the way** 
* Do than be. Identity can come after starting to do the thing. Just start then be the label 
* Daily practice in service of identity 
* **Selling might feel bad, but if you can do it and provide real value and they will be happy knowing what you know * it's good.** 
* Don't hord your voice. Share the good things. Don't be afraid you'll never have a good idea again. Sharing ideas * creates more ideas, collaboration
* When was the last time you did something for the first time 
* Diversity, creates weird ideas. Weird ideas solve problems. Because if it isn't solvable it's not a problem, just * a situation and if it was obvious without a weird idea, it would be solved already 
* You don't make a hit by trying to please everyone 
* Produce work you're proud of not necessarily that will have tons of views or sales
* Be eager to suggest an alternative to your work. Suggests a posture of generosity 
* If you knew you were certain to fail, what would you do after. If we failed would it be worth the journey 
* If the problem can be solved, why worry? And if it can't worrying won't help anyways. Worry is simply looking for * guarantees, get back to work
* Focus on your work, that's whats in your control. 
* **Consistency, spend an hour a day and see what happens**
* **Get better clients (no Fiverr and coffee shops) get real fans and repeat customers not people who will use you * once and immediately forget about you**
* **Many times, everything has a purpose (often times it's vanity or status). Familiarity at the expense of * efficiency or other things like this. Quite interesting**
* What's it for for meetings. Nothing out of habit especially when it's not effective 
* **A degree / credentialing is an invisible barrier to you actually just do the thing. ( Similarly a degree doesn't * actually imply caring or experience)**
* **Criticism, from most sources is bad because it's a critique of the person behind the work not the work itself or * someone who the product isn't made for complaining about how it isn't made for them** 
* A generous critic, who understand your project and intent and explains how it would work for them is invaluable 
* Sunk costs are real and must be ignored 
* **We stall because of fear all the time,**


The Practice

How to intruige others

* pause before smiling (convinces other as genuine)
* increase eye contact (especially with women)
* good posture 
* imagine others are an old friend to help with body language 
* no fidgeting -> signals lying and untrustworthyness
* pay attention to your audience and their body language
* match audience's energy for small talk 
* wear something unusual as a conversation starter
* ask party host to make an introduction for you, or ask party host for some general details and then use that to approach. "Oh, hey, I was just talking to host person and they said you were really into X how did you get into that?"
* when they ask where you from or what you do, have a more than 1 line answer. Give them hook something on. 
* when introducing people, add some details about them or your relationship to Segway into interesting conversation
* listen for clues to preferred topic during convos
* repeat the last work they say, with a question mark. Like a parrot 
* tell them about the time you xyz (appropriate story form them you've heard before)
* prep for general conversation before leaving for party (know the news)

Talk like a VIP

* "how do you spend most of your time" Question
* look up some synonyms for common words like smart or nice and try to incorporate those instead
* look up some similes, find phrases that are visually intense
* when delivering bad news, match emotions 
* make sure you say thank you with it's reason 

Insider in a crowd

* use words from your client to emphasizes your points. Echo those words. 
* levels of personalness, cliches, facts, feelings and personal questions, we and us statements, pre mature we statements
* tell others compliments through the grapevine
* slip praise into the secondary part of your statement (ex, oh Leo your much to young to remember this but when Apollo 11 hit the moon qed, basically said you were young and attractive implicitly)
* compliments should be very specific or personal (in private, make it credible, not super often)
* appreciate people out loud
* praise people when they are likely insecure about accomplishment
* respond to compliments with thanks or appreciation. Oh thank you so much you really made my day, or thanks I appreciate your positive feedback 

Direct dial their hearts

* friendly body language
* when talking, consider you medium, phone calls mean your body language and facial expressions need to be in your voice and exaggerated to make up for it
* use their name a lot, over the phone only
* start casually, then be like oh glad to hear from you and put a smile on their face
* ask about your timing, is this a good time to talk (do you have a minute?)
* acknowledge the background noise, and ask if they have to deal with it for positive sentiment and regard (baby crying, phone ring etc)
* rescue their story, if people were distracted redirect to their story for them so they don't feel bad for not finishing. 
* Gush to someone's boss when you need something from them, great insurance. Great way to get better service 
* people keep track of good and bad things / favors among people. If you make a mistake you have to make up for it. Great score card in the sky
* Open with the benefit to the customer, be up front about benefits to you
* Don't jump in immediately when someone agrees to do you a favor. Give them 24hrs to savor the favor
* Don't call in a favor to early, seems less like friendship
* Don't bring up sales in a chance meeting (otherwise they won't like you)
* Whenever you make a mistake, don't just fix but over compensate (buy them a much nicer version than the one you * destroyed) and do it fast


How to Talk to Anyone

* Everything is a tiny thread. Some of the most important decisions in hindsight will probably incredibly minor and random in the moment.
* Base predictions on how people behave rather than what will happen.  
* **Risk is unknown, prepare for risk in general including stuff you can't predict**.  Not specific things that you can anticipate because you will miss things. Have a bit more savings than you're comfortable with. 
* Lower your expectations to be happier. Don't wish to be happier than others by comparison.
* Miracles happen all the time, that's how math, time and lots of people work together. 
* World breaks about once every 10 years. We are so connected that you hear about it more often but it's not different than before 

  * * Tiny good or bad things compounded / chain react / domino create things best or worst (statistically because of how many people and chance you will run into 7 backups failing at once to create a catastrophe)
    * Small high probability bad events will create big awful events about once a decade
* People don't want accuracy they want certainty (this isn't possible)
* **Best story wins**

  * If a story in complex, good stories make it easier to understand and more compelling 
  * How many products exist but could sell 100 x of someone explained them better
  * Who has the right answer but I ignore because they aren't compelling
  * Power of stories over statistics
* Sometimes things you can't measure and will surprise you

  * Leimam brothers, faith until not. GameStop is the reverse. 
  * It's all about your hopes, fear and tribal affiliations and others and the stories around them. 
* **What's rational to one person might be insane to another**. People have different, time horizons, risk tolerances, goals and ambitions. 
* Greed and fear, cycle **\*\****

  * Assume good news is permeant, 
  * Ignore bad news 
  * Deny bad news
  * Panic bad news
  * Accept bad news 
  * Assume bad is permanent
  * Oblivious to good news
  * Ignore good news 
  * Deny good news
  * Accept good news
  * Assume good news is permanent 
* Surprise characteristics

  * Poor incentives
  * Incomplete information 
  * Chance 
  * Uncertainty
  * Randomness
* **Stability is destabilizing** 

  * Calm sews the seeds of crazy
  * Valuations get bid up and everyone thinks we're only up from here and over invests and this the markets are super high and then are this super sensitive to minor bad news which is unstable 
  * Greed causes the boom bust cycle. Get content with enough 
* A good idea on steroids becomes a terrible idea. The good idea but can I have it faster is bad
* Stress focuses you in ways good times can't. War time innovations 
* Good news takes time (usually compounding) - also usually complex and involves lots of research or cooperation. 
* bad news happens instantly (loss of confidence or catastrophic error) - simpler, can be one fewer people, 

  * More attention to bad because it's fast
* **You need to maintain that things will get better while expecting the process to be there to be awful.** 

  * Planning like a pessimist and dreaming like an optimist 
* Don't try to be 100% perfect at 1 thing. Comes at the expense of other things and then dies due to over emphasis on 1 thing that isn't as needed later. 
* Hacks and short cuts tends to cause issues
* You should identify the optimal amount of BS and nonsense and inefficiency that you can put up with while getting ahead and getting along 
* The grass is always greener on the side that's fertilized with bullshit 

  * It's easiest to convince someone they're special the less well you know them 
  * If someone is accomplishing something extraordinary, odds are they have struggles behind closed doors 
  * People who are abnormally good at one thing tend to be abnormally bad at others
* **Incentives are super powerful and can get people to justify or do almost anything**  (can be financial, cultural, tribal, believing what you want to believe)
* Nothing is more persuasive than what you've experienced first hand 
* For things you consume, filter is will I care about this in 5 years? 10 years?
* **Wounds heal, scars last**. The pain of 9/11. Is largely gone but the effects are still felt throughout any airports security. 

  * You feelings will fade but your response actions may not
  * Aggressive trauma can kinda change you for life (Trauma survivors gain habits that follow them through life and typically cause issues when they're out of their traumatic situation)
* **What have you experienced that I haven't that makes you think like I do**. Uncomfortable because it makes you opinions feel wishy washy (because they are)


Same as Ever

# Thesis
In a positive mood, you process better and energy is boosted. 

Long term - reserve of emotional goodness for resilience and such



## Energize

- Play 

  - do things for fun and for curiosity. 

- Create an adventure, 

  - take on different personas (identify type of play you want and make a player persona that makes sense for this)


- The 8 play personalities: 

  - Collector, competitor, explorer, creator, story teller, joker, director, kinestate. 


  - Try being one of these to encourage play by being some of these (1 or 2 usually really resonate with others)



- Embrace curiosity, encourages fun and recall

  - Do life side quests, 

- What would this look like if it was fun? (Music? In background?) 
  - Make the process more interesting by having mini challenges (try to sell the BBQ sauce) 

- Enjoy the process, not the end result. 

- Lower the stakes, 

  - People can't play in stressful situations. 

- Reframe failure, - you get points for failing rather than losing them. No failure is failure, it's just more data points to learn from 

- Don't be serious be sincere 




## Power

- Confidence about a task, makes you both better at it and enjoy it more. (Exercise your are good/bad outcomes)

  - Act as if, what would it look like if I were really confident at this 

  - Listen to others stories who are going through the same things as you to feel like you can do it 


- Learn through doing (inactive mastery)

  - Beginner mindset (humility and trying and failing a lot and learning) basic reminders, new idea or opportunities, collaborate, no strong beliefs about what will work and desire to diversity. 


  - People who teach others learn better 


- Take ownership of your work (taking autonomy, increases intrinsic motivation, desire for control)


  - You have more controll over the process than you know (not what you do but how you do it)


  - What tasks, your boss, their priorities. Can own, automation, tooling, how engaging and motivating you are


  - Changed your attitude / mindset. I choose to and I get to, rather than I have to for self talk 



## People


- People can energize you and that's great. 

- Finding a scene can be extremely good your to progress and grow. 


- Success isn't a 0 sum game, (bad to think of it like if I win someone else has to lose)


- Try to think of yourself as on a team, we win together kinda attitude


- Work with others in sync (even if it's not the same topic) 

- Helping others, makes you feel good. 

- Random acts of kindness 

- Asking for help will actually make people like you more. (People underestimate others willingness to help, IRL is better, avoid negative, emphasize positive reasons / aspects of person)


- Over communicate, especially the good, share positive news, react to positive news energetically. 

- Share excitement about their future, 


- Share opinions directly and show what's going on in your head. Don't assume you know the truth. Objective terms and facts. Tangible results. Turn towards the solution rather than dwelling on the issues. 


- Lying activates fight or flight section of brain which is bad for brain. Honesty does not. 




## Unblock/seek clarity


- Procrastination is caused by negative feelings and you can solve your negative feelings to do things 


- Uncertainty


  - Overwhelmed by the uncertainty and can't figure out where to start 


  - Know, why you're doing the main thing.


  - General states a why they're taking action instead of a how and let's soldier do their thing


- Think back from the end goal, and the why, then use that to inform next steps

- 5 whys


  - To what went wrong, or when trying to figure out if an action is good for you to do


- Ask what

  - Figure out what you have to do first (can be intimidating to try and figure it out)


- NICE goals, 

  - Near term (daily or weekly)

  - Input based (emphasize process)

  - Controllable (within our controll)

  - Energizing (play, power, people)



- Crystal ball method - pre mortum

  - Re through what will go wrong to help prepare and think better


  - Imagine it's 1 weeks from now and you still haven't gotten started. What do you think the most likely culprits are (top 3)


  - What can you do to mitigate risk against those things above


  - What action can you take rn to help stay in track 



- Comitt to a when you will do a thing


  - Triggers, when x happens I will y. When I get home I will call my parents


- Time blocking
  - Give you time and controll back 

  - 3 levels

  - Just the most important things you tend not to do. 

  - Block a full day

  - Have an ideal week 





## Fear

- Know your fear, state your feelings out loud


- When procrastination try to ask what am I afraid of. 


- Identity conflict (I'm not an athlete kinda mental stuff)


  - You can make your own identity something move positive. I am a hard worker, I'm a life long learner 



- 10/10/10 rule

  - People catasorohize, I didn't get the job and I will never get one sob...


  - Remember this is an exaggeration. 


  - 10/10/10 rule, will this matter in 10 minutes, 10 weeks, 10 years





- Irrational self doubt

  - How confident do I need to feel just to get started 

  - Create an alterigo, who is what you want in a person for the situation ideally. This distancing yourself from your fears. 


  - People tend to over estimate how closely others watch us and care about what we do. 





- Get started


  - Reduce environmental friction, make it easier to get started 


  - Make good choices the default choices


  - Reduce emotional friction


  - 5 minute rule, commit to working on the thing for just 5 minutes (be willing to genuinely stop after 5 minutes)





## Take Action


- Clear concrete steps to take, next step to take. 


- Studying -> open book 


- Track progress and reflect, 

- Celebrate wins
- Accountability buddy, not wanting to let others down, social obligation



- Forgive yourself 

  - Procrastination created a vicious cycle of thinking poorly of themselves

  - I didn't do x but I got to do y. 






## Burn out


Over exertion burnouts

- Too many things jam packed into a day

- do less, don't just sprint, walk some more 

- say No to various things, don't over comitt and don't say yes to everything

- energy investment portfolio, 

  - list A: dream ambitions you want to do later

  - list B: things you're actively investing in RN (keep to 5ish) 

  - if you want to move from A to B make sure you have the time. 

- power of No

  - Hell yeah or No

  - 6 week trap, looks empty 6 week in the future calendar. Then you get there and it's jammed packed. 

  - should think, would I be excited if this was happening tomorrow? 

- resist distraction

  - add friction, make it harder to do distractions

  - uninstall apps from phone, or log out

  - apps that make things load slower

  - failing with abandon -> don't give up if you fail once. 

- 52 minutes work 17 minutes rest. 

  - schedule breaks (more than you think)

  - embrace energizing distractions (impromptu breaks)



Depetion burnout - Not taking time to really rest 

- list for things you do when you have no energy

- list for things you do that actually energize you

- creative acts are good for recharging (should be low stakes)

- should be enjoyed via the process,

- resist the urge to turn it into work

- alternatively, a calm project

- recharge naturally (use nature), can look at images or listen to sounds. 

- take a walk

- recharge mindlessly (reality TV or midnight wandering)

- you're allowed to write off a day and just do nothing for that evening 



Doing the wrong stuff (to much time into things that aren't meaningful)





Align 


Intrinsic motivation is better than extrinsic

Misalignment burnout - actions not in line with your values



Begin with the end in mind, write your own obituary to figure out where you're trying to go 



Areas of life and fulfillment 1 - 10 

Health

- body

- mind

- soul

Career

- mission

- money

- growth

Relationships

- Family

- Romance

- Friends






What do you want to be celebrating in 12 months for each of the above categories


3 actions you can take today to move you towards your 12 months celebration state 





Alignment experiments


Find area where you are unsatisfied


Hypothesis, changing this one thing will hopefully do something 


Take minor steps


Reflect 


Iterate



Feel Good Productivity

* What makes you feel good

  * space should be functional and not for show
  * understand what you like in a space based on your personality (social -> lots of couches and large dining table, relaxation -> calming colors and painting, lack of clutter / organization -> closed storage and minimalist furniture ... Etc)
  * try to get an intuitive sense of what you like and don't by collecting clippings of things you do and don't like and looking for patterns
  * do you have a place you like being in? Try and think about why
* Basic principles and rules of thumb 

  * golden ratio, dividing room into thirds and having objects offset to left or right of center (like in a picture)
  * Triangles (right or equilateral) make them or their general outline with objects. (Tall vase and smaller vases in front/ to sides slightly)
  * room should have a focal point (something that sticks out due to placement or color or contrast) it should be the first thing you notice.
  * lines can do cool things (lengthwise ot make longer feel, horizontal to make wider, small squares for cost, larger to make room larger, also diagonal for larger, curves for softness like circular rugg or table)
  * anchoring, need a base for a room, rug, bed, sofa, large table, set of drawers etc.
  * odd numbers of things tend of be more interesting
  * contrast opposites together next to each other (hard, soft. Straight curved, rounded angular, warm cold, textured smooth)
  * keep in mind textures rough and uneven = darker and warmer and softer and rustic. Smooth and shiny, lighter, colder, harder and modern. 
  * symmetry, mirror image, rotational, pattern repition (translational) 
  * you can be asymmetric sometimes 
  * vary size and scale (multiple pillows of different sizes, tiny picture, large vase) 
  * consider and use negative space 
  * consider flow of movement, and amount of time in each space (draw map of paths) 
  * don't have people sitting with back to door when possible,
  * consider sightlines and visibility from specific points in room, seating, entrance to room. 
  * place storage near high traffic areas, should be abundant and accessible. Should have a home map where you highlight all the storage to find imbalances
  * compass direction and sunlight timing on various rooms matters for what you want it for. 
  * North, darkest and coolest. East, morning sunlight. South, most hour of sun. West, afternoon and evening sun. 
  * if I like sleeping in a cold room and waking in a bright warm room an east facing room is ideal. (Will be shaded in the afternoon and sun will rise facing in the east)
* Tools to help you bring it all together

  * larger sightlines help make a space feel bigger. If you can see into other rooms typically larger sightlines. Also be careful a out colors visible between rooms to make sure they don't clash
  * to give the house cohesion you need a common theme or thread. Like color, material, wood variety, art/hobby/interest, particular designer or design language. 
  * look at a room and try to sus out whether or not theirs any visual noise, that's bothering you. 
  * try taking pictures and then analyzing as it's easier often
* Color

  * write down any colors used and keep some hand for touch ups. 
  * work of art approach, pick a color combo from a painting you like (or one you want in the room)
  * use nature as a guide for tones
  * 60/30/10 + B/W, basically those are the % for main colors, subtle harmonious color, contrasting color. Or walls, floors, furniture, and feature walls, certain rugs, small future and pictures and art and cushions and accessories repsectivley
  * gloss scale matters, higher is glossy and reflects light and brightens room. Matte is the opposite more forgiving for concealing blemishes, calmer serface without sheen
  * lighting changes color (so test on cardboard in the room, also ask for fabric samples)
* Lighting

  * 5 - 7 rule, should have 5 - 7 lighting points in each room
  * at least one light in each category, general (whole room), working(desk), spot lighting (accent thing), atmosphere (mood lighting, small dimmable, candles)
  * unwanted shadows, general lighting shouldnt create shadows over that interfere with work lighting. Consider where people are and have work lighting correctly 
  * types of light, direct is beam, diffused is filtered via shade, indirect is reflect off wall
  * 21 - 25 inch over table surface for dining room light
  * checklist for analyzing color, light level, light distribution, shadows, patches of light, reflections and gleam, glare, color of light, color of surface
* Design tips

  * receipt for finishing touches, inviter, cozyfier, eye lifter, wow object, weird thing, personalized, natural element, finishing details, signs of life
  * still life's, contrasting object size and texture. Overlap objects in front of each other, make triangles, odd numbers of objects, 
  * pictures, should only be about 2/3 of length of couch at most, don't hang to high or low, light color frames to singout, dark to create contrast and balance
  * 145 principles. Height of pics should be 57 inches to center. 
  * test before you nail, images on floor, sheets of same size tapped to wall, 
  * if art is big, make sure there is ample space to see it all at once
  * curtains, spacing should be 4 inches in both directions from frame (higher and out), curtains size should be x2 window size. Should fall to just above ground. 
  * to make a room feel bigger, smaller furniture, non empty corners, mirrors, illusions, free up floor space, windows, lighter colors. 
  * to make a room feel smaller, opposite of above, plus. Design from the middle outward, 
  * book shelf organization - by color, height hight to low or low to high, height sloping in the middle or peaking in the middle, alphabetical, 

    * heavier books lower on the shelves
    * mirror images across center
    * triangle method 3 objects of the same color in 3 points top right, center left, bottom right. 
  * more neutral furniture sets (expensive to replace) spice with pillows. Do you want to sit straight with feet on floor? Do you want to recline? Anyone with trouble getting up? 
  * avoid dark sofas in South facing room because strong sunlight will fade covers 
  * coffee table can have stuff on to stylistically, 3 height zones for rectangular table, 4 for squares and circles in a spiral stair case kinda thing, 
  * side tables if large couch and people on sides can't reach coffee table 
  * placing pillows, see image 
  * pillow fu, chop top, chop top and side, pat center 
  * bigger plants that are more mature. Barring that large pot with many plants inside to give the illusion. 
  * rug should mirror shape of furniture (round and round, square and square) 
  * dining room rug should have space to pull out for all chairs and still be on the rug, 24 to 28 inches. 
  * light remodel 

    * re paint / re varnish kitchen cabinet doors 
    * change ceiling lighting (not that hard)
* Buying notes

  * fit and comfort over trends
  * see picture for materials reference for what kinds of materials to buy 

    * Basically real wood is better than the cardboard like stuff because it lasts longer, and looks better while lasting longer and you can better repair knicks and scratches by sanding
* Key measurements and proportions 

  * 1:100 cut out. (1 square is 0.5 meters)
  * when planning make sure to remember all orientations (drawers pulled out, doors opened) as well as free standing objects
  * Foyer

    * hat shelves should be 71 inches off the floor
    * remember to measure your longest coat before placing a rack, (55 to 63 in)
    * clothes hanger are typically 16 - 18 in and you want closet fixtures to have a little extra room for them to sway
    * shoes require 12.5 inches of depth typically
    * coat hooks 60 - 70 inches from floor
    * 27 inch depth for coat closets
    * Hall needs 36 inches of diameter to put on a coat
  * Bathroom

    * shower cube dimensions 36 x 36 in
    * shower rod - 78 to 86.5 in from floor
    * shower curtains 72 to 78 in
    * toilet roll holder 26 - 30 inches above floor level
    * 30 in of clear space in from of sink
    * large towels 59 - 63 inches
  * Kitchen

    * walking spaces at least 28 inches wide 
    * fridge, sinks and oven should ideally be no more than a stride away from one another 1.5 ft
    * work surface between, sinks nd oven should be between 32 and 47 inches
    * depth of work surfaces is 24 - 28 inches
    * height of work surfaces is 36 inches 
    * cupboards should be at least 20 inches above the work surface in order to prevent hitting your head while prepping food.
    * don't put oven in corner, 8 inches between wall at least. 
    * passage should be 47 inches wide for ovens and dishwasher, 44.5 if just cabinets, surfaces opposite one another 47 inches ideally 55 inches
  * Dining

    * dinning room table 28.5 - 30 inch off ground
    * under frame of table at least 25 inches off ground 
    * seat to ground 16.25 - 18 inches
    * 11 to 12 inches between seat height and table
    * round dining table diameter of at least 44.5 inches (4 or 5) people. 47 inches for 6, 59 for 8
    * allow for 24 by 15 per place per setting. Rectangular table needs to be at least 32 inches wide 
    * allow 28 to 32 inches between dining chairs and wall or other furniture. (If near cubbord measure with doors open) 
  * Living

    * sofa should not take up more than 2/3 of a wall
    * coffee table should not be more than 2/3 length of sofa
    * coffee table roguhtly same height as sofa seating plus or minus 4 inches
    * 12 to 16 inches between edge of sofa and table
    * 36 inch passage ways
    * foot stool and ottomans a bit lower than sofa
    * book cases typically 12 to 16 inches deep
    * ensure lighting won't blind any one seating position
    * remember to take measurements of doors and hallways to make sure furniture can fit into the house
  * Bed

    * ideally 4 inches between your head and bed end and 4 inches between feet and bed end 
    * 22 to 24 inch height 
    * 30 inches between bed and wall (extra if doors open into the space and such 
    * night stand slightly higher than bed (4 in)
  * Office

    * desk should be 32 by 47 - 59 for computers and work and such
    * height is 30 
* Planning your project

  * go get lots of ideas and picture
  * have an idea you're going for from a practical perspective (competitive board game nights, cosy movie nights, calm home offices)
  * filter picture that are unrealistic
  * find events you really liked furniture choice and key accessories, pronounced shapes and silhouettes, details like pictures, lighting, rugs and floors, plants and leaves, feel (bohemian or minimalist, color palette (warm or cold). 
  * color palette
  * material palette (light or dark wood, warm or cold metals, natural materials or powder coat finishes) 
  * textile palette


The Interior Design Handbook

* Types of attachment styles

  * Secure - warm and loving and well adjusted 
  * Anxious - crave, worry about partners ability to love them back, lot of your emotional energy, very sensitive to partners emotions. Need to be reassured. 
  * Avoidant - minimize closeness, independence
* Framing concepts

  * Dependency is not a bad word
  * People are only as needy as their unmet needs
  * The more effectively dependent on others you are, the more independent you can become, ironically
  * Support is good for your health and achievement
  * Try and notice when your partner tries to get in contact with you and you can't pick up, recognize, apologize and explain and reassure. Also should be done for other needs 
* Protest behavior - being mean / resentful when they don't meet your need or don't pick up. Tries to get their attention and respond to them. (Should express emotions, and ask for needs to be met / talk about needs instead. Try to be very specific about what you want from them)
* Anxious and avoidant can go together because both have their world assumptions confirmed by the relationship. 
* Secure priming - reminded of secure role models
* Find a work model of how you are in relationships 

  * Inventory - write past partners, what you remember, your feelings and thoughts, re assess the things vai attachment principles, list ways the behavior hurts you and gets in the way, list secure alternatives. 
  * Accept that some things won't change and your expectations need to change and be okay with doing something's with other people instead of with partner
* No games, express needs/concerns explicitly and ask the questions. 
* 5 principles of effective communication 

  * genuine and honest about feelings
  * be honest about needs
  * be specific (when you do x)
  * don't blame 
  * assertive and non apologetic (your need are important, and essential for your happiness)
* Secure principles for resolving conflict 

  * show basic content for the others well being
  * maintain focus on problem
  * don't generalize
  * engage
  * communicate feelings and needs


Attached

* Why do people get angry with each other, how can we not?

  * Idea is to connect with others in a way that make compassion and giving natural 
* What's alive in you, just see the humanness in one another. Tell others when they are and are not enriching life (express needs). Must observe without judgement. 
* Tell others what could make life more wonderful for us 
* Moralistic judgements of rightness and wrongness creates a lack of empathy. This is learned and bad. 
* Comparison to other people also creates problems
* Denial of responsibility for your own actions, feelings and thoughts. Mental model of compelled by an imaginary force is the idea. 
* Communicating desires as demands is problem
* Intrinsic motivation is best, punishment and rewards are bad
* Observations without evaluation
* Misses

  * Confusion of prediction with certainty (if you don't eat balanced meals, if you don't eat balanced meals i fear your health won't be good) also implied I know vs I think 
  * Be specific about examples and statistics (she's never there when needed, she has not been there the last 3 time I needed her)
  * Jim is ugly (bad), Jim's looks don't appeal to me (better)
* Express clearly feelings and needs
* Express feelings (will be vulnerable and uncomfortable but isn't worth it)
* I feel with it, this, that, noun what follows isn't an emotion typically.

  * Should be able to be replaced with I think, and should have no evaluation or guesses about others opinions. Or how we interpret others. 
* Use words that refer to specific emotions. 
* Need to explain emotions, specific why you feel and what you would hope can be done about it 

  * I feel xxxxx because I have xxxxx need
    * When I hear you that I am the most selfcentred person you have ever met, I feel hurt because I need recognition of my
efforts to be considerate of your preferences
  * Not because you. Responsibility. It's how we interpret ourselves 
* Express needs, not judgments, or analysis or assumptions about their opinions
* Needs are actually few, sustenance, safety, empathy, honestly, rest, celebration, love, play, meaning and purpose in life, 
* Women taught to sacrifice needs for other, men taught they shouldn't have needs. 
* Must assert needs but also with consideration for how others needs are important 
* Need is not a request, requests are specific to person and situation, need is constant and independent. 
* Say what you do want, not what you don't want. Don't seem like criticism. 
* Avoid vague action/requests statements, should be specific and clear. 
* Can ask for reflection from others if you're worried they aren't getting what you said. Be careful how you clarify afterwards. Make sure it's "grateful for your openness with me, sorry I wasn't as clear as I would like to be"
* Requests over demands, requests start with would you be willing to ... 
* Empathize when they refuse request, otherwise it isn't a request. 
* Listen, and hear their needs. 
* Reflect what you think they're feeling and needing 
* For self talk, don't say should. I should have done x. We would like to talk kindly to ourselves without judgement or blame. Think about what needs you were trying to meet. 
* Make list of things you have to do. Say you choose to do instead. Get in touch with intention behind. Why do you do it? What do you want from that thing. 
* Might be clear you have other options. Or might feel better about the reasoning and this be more enthusiastic. 
* Why people do things they don't enjoy

  * Convinced life is about doing things for rewards. Should be soley in the spirit of enhancing life. 
  * Action to avoid punishment. 
  * To avoid shame, 
  * Avoid guilt, 
* Anger is a signal that a need isn't being met, and should be treated as such 
* For compliments, don't tell what they are (extraordinary, intelligent). Be specific about what they said or did, then how it made you feel / what need it met of yours. 
* You said you really cared about me and that made me feel loved and cared for and met my need for belonging 
* Constantly show appreciation and gratefulness and feedback and how well people are doing. Be aware and express to others


Nonviolent Communication

## Intro 

Redefine failure as not got it yet
Experiment and measure outcomes to test assumption
You're testing ideas not yourself

Serve people 
Don't rush into it 

entrepreneurial life can be unhappy and unfulfilling, your idea should support your ideal lifestyle

### Air port test

* 5 years from now what would make you say you're life is absolutely amazing (should be achievable with your current trajectory / job / business idea)
* 4 categories of your life that are most important (family, health, finances etc)
* write the reality for each of the 4

### History test

* list jobs you've had, (list parts you enjoyed, favorite memory, the bad, grade)
* what things seems to motivate you the most? How can you integrate this into a work vision? 

### Shark bait test

* need to know what's special about you, usually it's your personal connection to the topic and your personal expertise 
* what makes you so special, if I could just pay someone else to do your idea. What is your unfair advantage?
* types

  * knowing people
  * crazy work ethic
  * talent for telling amazing stories
* email everyone and ask what people think your super powers and unique value propositions are / what makes you you

### Folding your wings

* we want to know your mission and have some constant reminders (section of you from earlier) 
* make a symbol (paper air plane)

### Development lab

### Before you print your business card

* don't make website, social media, branding, business cards or worry about naming first. These are fun and easy but not foundational. 

### Germination 

* mind map (organize and collect thoughts), must be movable peices. Post it's or mindmister or software)
* create mode or edit mode (former is creative, latter is logical) 
* to begin be in create, capture all and any thoughts, no bad ideas. Let it all out. Brain dump
* then edited, hierarchy, organize, categorize 
* prune the tree (Remove completely irrelevant thoughts)

### One sentence 

* idea as 1 page, 1 paragraph, 1 sentence in a row. Distillation. 

### Conversation and observation

* write on Paper, then talk about it to Everyone
* anyone can steal but typically people don't execute especially if they aren't a part of the group and don't care deeply and aren't a doer
* helps refine 
* if there is no respect in their comment ignore them, respectful can be helpful
* expect negative response 
* speak to 10 people over the next week challenge 
* tip for how to share, never share any opinions prior (don't do, wanna hear a cool idea, or I haven't refined but,)
* don't take notes or record conversation, this changes the conversation
* don't interrupt
* quick follow up questions (why do you say that, why is that important to you, what else do you think is missing)
* record after

### Diagnostics

### 1000 true fans

* you don't have to make something that changes the world, just a few people in a specific niche
* niche is good

### Market map

* define the area you are in, who are the people, what products are already serving them
* it's good if someone has your idea, someone already validated and now you can just fix their stuff
* 3 P's people, places, products

### Places

* where you target audience resides online
* top blogs (often have communities, easy to reach owner, trends) 
* blog: keyword for google helpful search
* forum: keyword for google helpful search
* social media, FB groups and LinkedIn (active and large)
* sub scribe to news letters and look for patterns
* don't offer the same thing (separate yourself)
* influencers in space list 
* YouTube and iTunes/Spotify for videos and podcasts repsectivley
* podcasts (top rated podcasts, people who are interviewed a bunch)

### Products 

* top services, products, books, (what's being purchased)
* offered is different than purchased
* look at Amazon

### Audience and customer PLAN

* problems: find pain points, ideally 1 on 1 personal convos. What frustrates you about X, if you could wave a magic wand and change anything what would it be, are there any issues around this that are costing you money. What's something you do once and over again. Dig deeper (how come, etc). Survey (ask by Ryan something). Can find email them by compling list and personalize, what had you wished you'd known. 
* questions that audience are asking: forums, Google format ("how do I" cite: <url>), alternates (why is it, when can I, what are the, need help, help with). FAQ page, Google format (FAQ cite: <url>). Same format (I hate). Amazon reviews, read the 2 and 3 star reviews. Look for keywords, type in keyword (scroll down to searches related to part),
* find real stories from real people, best IRL, tell me a story when blank 
* language: 
* anecdotes: 
* needs: 

### Pick 1 pain and 1 solution that work for you. From your brainstorm 

### Flight simulator

* don't ask them if they would pay for it. Ask them TO pay for it. (What people say vs do are different)

### Principles of validations

* need people to actually step up and take action. 
* do ads, have a real website and then a click now to buy button with only an out of stock message and track clicks and grab their email for a buy when back in stock thing. 
* also helps with your motivation

### Validation

* get in front of an audience, ways to do (targeted advertising, private targeted adds specific ie dance specific site, dance specific email list, add can be anywhere on their site or social media post or something)
* guest posting, article that you write for another website. (Requires relationship building with website owner)
* post on forums, (spend a few weeks posting valuable info, before asking for anything)
* groups on FB same idea as ^ 
* become poster child for someone and their content
* reach out to conferences and pitch yourself 
* crowd sourcing platform (good for testing and validating idea and getting it in front of real people) (issues with fees, campaign page construction, can grow bigger than you can control, not really validation)
* hyper target, get a group of people to hand raise that they are your target audience and need the thing to take next steps. 
* share solution with hand raisers, 1 on 1 (in person, video call, phone call, private message, 1 on 1 emails) 1 to many (live stream with chat, live stream without chat, email broadcast, webpage with explainer video, webpage with text and image only) 
* Ask a question or 2 what do they do, get to know audience a bit. How long have you been doing blank, 
* qualify yourself, who you are and why they should listen to you. What you can do for them
* be honest about what you're up to, upfront about gathering their honest feedback which you will hope to build and sell in the future if you get enough context. 
* share prototype, preliminary model (sketches, outlines, fake images) don't worry about quality
* ask for the transaction, can follow up a day later or ask immediately. 
* (see the page with things) in later half of validation method for script on email for ask for transaction part
* mechanism for collecting pre order, gum road site. 
* keep in contact with early adopters, bi weekly email updates. Or private FB page or discord (updates a bit more often)
* minimum number of people 10% of prospect to pre pay. 50 total and 5 for sign up. 
* ask why as follow up to email for why they didn't do things. 

### All Systems Go

* break things down
* celebrate small wins 
* get support
* treat customers like gold (don't treat people like numbers)
* surprise people every once in a while


Will It Fly?

## Overall

Changing a symptom without addressing the underlying system is not great

## Basic Understanding of Systems

* System is made up of, elements, connections and purpose(s) and it's more than the sun of it's parts
* Purposes are deduced from behavior not what they say 
* Sub systems and their purposes often come in conflict with one another and the overall purpose 
* Defined by connections and purpose, elements can and do change over time 
* Stock (amount of stuff), flows (changes in amount of stock)
* Humans are worse at noticing flows and worse at noticing inflows and worstest at noticing outflows and their affects. New oil field means prolonged oil supply, energy efficiency break through also means prolonged energy supply 
* Stocks usually change slowly (is a buffer)
* Inflow and outflows are independent 

## Loops

* Feedback loops, flows are adjusted because of changes in the size of the stock itself. 
* Balancing loop, (hot coffee and cold coffee, will move towards room temperature)
* Reinforcing loop (after soil erode, less plants can grow, which means more soil erodes) (money begets more money via interest compounding)
* If a causes b, can b also cause a? 
* Competing balancing loops (furnace vs outside temp, both are pulling towards their goals of target as equilibrium)
* Feedback can only affect future behavior, cannot go fast enough to fix current behavior, thus delay in reaction and feedbacks

  * World population competing, reinforcing loop via births and balancing loop via deaths 
  * Among competing loops if one dominates another it's affect is larger and counters 
  * When you're confronted with a scenario, question to ask to know if it's a good representation of reality, are driving factors likely to unfold this way, what drives the driving factors? 
  * Reinforcing loop, economic growth begets more economic growth, balancing loop depreciation and obsolescence which winds depends on investment fraction, efficiency of capital, average capital lifetime 
  * Systems with similar feedback structures produce similar behavior even if they look very different, economies and population growth
  * Car seller wants buffer to inventory, seller wants to keep buffer constant, inventory will vary based on demand, tis a balancing loop. However their are some delays, perception delay (need to notice trend), order delay, 
  * Creates osolations, because delays create issues, spike means order more delay means the inventory left drops further, orders more to compensate, orders to much, osalates the other direction. 
  * A delay in a balancing loop causes osalations 
  * Car dealer has been reacting to quickly rather than the intuitiveity of the shorter stuff being better
  * Changing delays can be a powerful policy lever
* 2 stock systems

  * Constraints on resources, may be renewable or not. 
  * Capital stock, is constrained by being finite, and thus as it falls in amount and get harder to extract because the easiest parts ore extracted first, profits and capital re investment falls and it ends up dying out
  * Renewable stock constrained by a renewable stock
  * Fishing, with capital stock as fishing boats, 
    Hawks eating babies but not mama rabbits to mama can make more babies 
  * Input is refilled over time, As gets scarce harder to get (harder to find or get)
  * Fish population, limited by their food and habitats, as gets lower Regen rates comes up, To low and they can't find one another, If tech is to aggressive, can find fish even in low numbers and fish them to extinction
* Overshoot, and adjustment to an equilibrium, Overshoot and oscillation around the equilibrium, Overshoot and collapse of the resource and industry dependent

  * Depends on how resilient the resource is in terms of regeneration after depletion. How hard the resource is to get when depleted. 

## Systems and us

* Resilience, many loops that can bring the system back into order, system can learn and grow.

  * Human body
  * Ecosystems 
  * Not static, changes. 
  * Profits and output often at the cost of resiliency. (Europe forests being single species vulnerable to disease, just in time delivery and low inventory for greater profits)
  * Systems also need to be managed for resilience
* Self organization property

  * A few simples rules and properties, ( god created earth for man, this castle to protect us and the church at its center was the midevil philosophy)
* Hierarchy 

  * Complex forms can only result from smaller stable sub forms
  * Hierarchy forms to help each sub system do it's Job better.
  * Farmers forming a town for easier trade and general protection 
  * Balance of controll center can't controll to much (micro managing), individual parts cannot sacrifice the goals of the whole (cancer)

## Why systems surprise us

* our mental models are imperfect 
* don't think in a series of events but patterns over time 
* typically we think I'm linear systems which isn't how the world works at all
* There are no boundaries, we only think of them as useful tool based on our conversation and we need to understand the convos to draw them well 
* Need to look at the limiting factor / reactant 
* Growth will change what the limiting reactant overtime 
* There are always limits to growth,.if they aren't self imposed they are system imposed. Best city, people flock, eventually something limits or breaks 
* Basically everyone makes decisions that are best given their information and incentives.

  * This often breaks systems in that fishermen will over fish (because they can't possibly know when to much is done), managers will treat laborers as numbers and a laborers will treat managers as villains.
* Investment traps & opportunities 

  * policy resistance: self balancing loop where efforts don't make dents. Align goals of sub systems. Make better incentives by understanding the issue and barriers to getting what you want. Let go, of the resistance and find better solutions everyone wants. Drug dealer want a balance of drugs and addicts, cops want no drugs, addicts want lots of drugs. If anyone grains some ground the others resist twice as hard to try and get back to their desired outcome. 
  * tragity of the commons (shared resource that's errodable) overfishing which is where your incentives is to fish as much as possible but so is everyone's and as a result no fish. 
  * 3 avoid, educate and moral disapproval, privitise / divide it up, regulate the commons w/ policing and penalties. 
  * drift to low performance: gradual boil the frog kind of self feeding ever worsening loop, to get out keep standard absolute
  * escalation (you hit me, I hit you back a little harder then you his me a bit harder etc.) Way out, avoid getting in it. Or negotiate armistice
  * winning begets more winning. If you win better equipes you for future wins you get monopoly. Get out, diversify, feedback laws to keep monopolies from happening, anti trust laws. Equalize advantages everyone once in a while handicap. Different rewards that don't helped winning the future 
  * addiction, ever increasing dependency on the thing to maintain state, where the thing give the illusion of solving the problem but the thing inherently makes it harder to maintain. Way out, don't get in, long term structuring
  * rule beating, getting around the spirit of the rules. Appearance of being followed but doesn't. Sesame seeds added to everything when people wanted to have allergy stuff. Way out, design rules better, for achieving purpose
  * seeking the wrong goals, confuse effort and results. If goals are defined poorly, system will create things that no one wants. Be more careful and design well. 

## Creating change in our systems and philosophy

* numbers: is quite bad, as long as it works with only the same levers or valves and in the same system. (Min wage increase doesn't eliminate poverty, more police funding doesn't eliminate crime) only work if it kicks off something else higher in the list
* buffers: sizes of stabilizing stocks relative to their flows. Rivers vs lakes. Less lake floods vs river floods. Emergency funds. Usually hard to change (Require building)
* intersections of stocks and flows, rebuild better system. Hard to change because expensive and slow to build new systems. 
* delays, not often easily changeable, easy to slow down so price and tech can keep up. Careful change wild gyrations with delay shortening in money system 
* balancing feedback loops. Emergency response mechanisms important even though rarely used. Free marker stuffs, prices, demand and supply of goods. Not subsidies, price fixing and taxes, but pollution tax, anti trust laws, .etc

  * democracy, self correcting between people and gov, people respond to gov action. Unfortunately, Lots of money spent to bais the loop here. 
* Need to increase as system broadens. Global regulation. 
* examples of strengthening a systems balancing loops to do good. 

  * preventive medicine, exercise and nutrition to fight disease
  * integrated pest management that attaracks natural predators to keep pests down 
  * freedom of info act
  * protection for whistle blowers
  * impact fees to internalize the cost of certain action 
* re enforcing feedback loops

  * the more money the more interest, the more soil errodes the less plant life the more soil, slowing its growth to let balancing loops function. Success for the successful (rich get richer, better tutors, lending and getting interest, lobbying ) rather than trying to do a balancing loop via anti poverty programs. Rather than that weaken the reenforcing loops, vai inheritance tax, quality public educations, progressive income tax. 
  * weaken success to the successful loops
* info loops

  * dutch energy meter visibility decreasing consumptions. New info to a place of wasn't before. 
  * compelling feedback. Tax payers specify what their taxes get to be spent on, politicians who declare war have to be on the front lines. Accountability for actions 
* rules, incentives punishments constraints

  * and who has powers over them, rules are for corporations not people. Successful successful loops. 
* self organization 

  * system evolves
* encourage variability and diversity for resilience 

  * people feel like control is lost
* goals

  * goal of capitalism is just to basically be cancer and take over the world. 
  * goal of system to keep any one group from taking over and killing everything has to trump any one groups ability to be cancer and win 
* leaders at the top can sometimes change from the top. Regan, hitler, 
* Mental Flexibility 

  * more info for people is better for systems (simply requiring the publishing of company pollution info reduced pollution)
* reshape communication, 

  * don't fall prey to the notion of just working with what you can measure as opposed to what you actually care about 
* aim to enhance, growth, stability, diversity, sustianability, resilience. Whether they are easily measured or not. 
* bring the consequences of actions online with decision maker. Pilot ride in plane so if it crashes they will die too
* balance of short and long and longer term thinking


Thinking In Systems

Most marriage therapy fails

They usually suggest active listening, the issues here being active listening was developed to build trust and repore for an uninvolved 3rd party, doesn't work as well when complaints are about the listener. 

Mythes

Neurosis or personality problems ruin marriages. - naw, bad personality problem matches or a lack of willingness to accommodate them does

Common interests keep you together, (depends on how you approach, can be mean or critical or shared joy)

Tit for tat, 

Affairs as the root of divorce -> usually emotional distancing leads to both actually

Biologically men not suited for monogamy, correlate of affairs are a man things but nowadays women actually have slightly more affairs. 

Based on friendship, respect for each other and general enjoyment of each other's company, care and make an effort 

Positive sentiment override, give each other benefit of the doubt (assume issues are not on us, of troubled can cause strain)

Trust and commitment, 
Acknowledge each other perspective, 
Attune to each other's emotion,

Roach motel of doom, Trapped in a negative sentiment and continually convinced that the other doesn't have their back, vicious cycle. Negative sentiment override, assume the worst of each other. 

During argument, repair attempt (anything you do silly or otherwise to attempt to keep an negativity from spiraling out of controll) 

Support each other's dreams and desires. 

Most arguments can't be resolved. Based on values and other things. Need to learn to live with it instead and move on. 

Predictors of Divorces

* harsh startup, dooms to failure
* 4 horsemen, criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stone walling 

Complaint, Criticism

* complaint (good), here is what I feel, because of X specifically, here is what I need want prefer
* criticism (bad) is global, you always or you never 

Contempt 

* sense of superiority to partner, points to disgust with a partner and thier ideas or things. 
* long simmering negative thoughts 

Defensiveness 

* defending yourself, doesn't work, because it's a way of attacking and sayings it's not me but instead you 
* just escalates conflict

Stone Walling

* a partner tunes out, disengages 

Flooding

* psychologically and physically overwhelmed (stone walling to not feel like this)
* nearly impossible to have a good discussion when flooded

Failed repair attempts

* repair attempts are attempt do de-escalate negative emotions during a conversation or argument (making jokes, asking to slow down or take a break)
* big indicator of failure here

Bad memories

* re write their past in a more negative light
* or difficult to remember

Enhance your love maps

* partners should know a lot about each other and keep up to date on info (because people change)
* what stresses them out, how work is currently going, their favorite foods, life goals, worries and hopes etc

Exercise do this (pg 58)

* detialed are a bunch of factiod questions (who's my best friend, what my favorite movie, what's my greatest fear, what's stressing me out right now, fav color, fav food, how do I relax)
* open ended questions ( how do you feel about your job, what qualities do you most value in a friend, what are some of you life dreams now, 
* followed by a section with much more targeted questions regarding (triumphs and striving, emotions, trauma, legacy and who you want to become)

Fondness and admiration system is needed

* can be measured by spark of fondness about the past 
* create fondness by finding and recognizing out loud, positive actions to one another
* write note to self with a bunch (from this list) of traits you admire and specific recent examples of their use of said traits 
*

Turning towards

* make bids for attention (asking for anything basically) (shrug, joke, sigh, oh why isn't that interesting etc)
* turn towards is best, recognize their bid and respond, 
* don't ignore or criticize
* builds up good will 
* this is important don't, ignored this!
* missing a bid because it's wrapped in anger or negativity. (Before responding defensively, look for the hidden bid. Alternatively, say I want to respond positively, so please tell me what you need right now)
* being distracted by the wider world. (Establish rules of etiquette)
* thank your partner for turning towards
* be aware of timing of talks, active listening and empathy
* take turns, 
* stay focused, make eye contact, nod, ask questions 
* don't give unsolicited advice, just be there 
* communicate understanding (you're making total sense, I can see why you feel that way, I wish you didn't have to go through that, that sounds frustrating)
* take their side, even if you don't believe in it. 
* Express solidarity, a we against others mentality 
* tell me how can I best help you? Do you want me to listen or solve 
* exploratory questions, for understanding their pain, what are your concerns, can you tell me more about what you're feeling, what do you need from me RN, 
* don't ask why, tis critical, instead use what or help me understand 
* repeat your understanding
* don't try to relese sadness, better to empathize
* don't minimize their feelings 

If they turn away

* usually disparity in needs or lack of awareness
* talk about it, 

Let your partner influence you

* honor her feelings and opinions, about your actions 
* need to share power
* emotionally intelligent husband, respects wife, open to learning more about emotions from her

Solvable vs unsolvable problems 

* some problems are solvable, their are solutions in the form of reminders, better system, using money, out sourcing work, re organizing schedules, waiting for slight circumstance changes etc. 
* some problems are simply instances of voicing 2 underlying values or life long impressions that are clashing and can't easily change for either of you
* many arguments between married couples are unsolvable problems

Signs of gridlock

* entrenched in positions, making no headway, devoid of humor or affection in convos, 
* No one is right
* Accept the other person as they are

Solve your solvable problems

* Soften your start-up, learn to make and receive repair attempts, soothe yourself and each other, compromise, process any grievances so that they don't linger. 
* Can complain with I statements about your feelings, don't blame partner (I feel or I need)
* Describe, don't evaluate
* Be appreciative
* Don't store things up

Typical Solvable problems

* Unplug from distractions
* Establish a sense of we-ness vs in-laws
* House chores - men tend not to do enough and we want something fair and equitable. So sit down and talk over every possible chore. 
* Sex - learn to talk about it in a way that feels safe and allows you  to express desires and needs

  * Be gentle, and positive 
  * Be patient
  * Don't take it personally
  * Compromise
  * Learn how to refuse sex gently (I want to and I find you very attractive except but I need to take a rain check. I love you)

Overcoming Gridlock

* Generally issues are based in difference of values or dreams/goals, or personality characteristics that resulted from trauma or childhood that won't change. You both have these and then conflict arises when they clash. 
* The goal is to simply explain these in depth to one another to have them to get the other to understand and empathize with the goal/dream/trauma or background. 
* Then write down a list of aspects that are and are not negotiable for each of you and cross reference to try and find a workable compromise within your lists. 

Create shared meaning

* Rituals of Connection
* Support for each others roles
* Shared goals
* Shared values and symbols

Week to week things

* Partings (have a kiss, say goodbye)
* Reunions (ask how they are / how their day was)
* Admiration and appreciation (notice and thank/appreciate them for doing things)
* Affection (Cuddle before bed)
* Date night
* State of the Union meeting (weekly check-in)


The Seven Principles for Making Marraige Work

### Small Things Often  

### Turns Towards Each Other, make and respond for bids to connections
- Bid for connection is an invitation to connect, 
- Reaction 1 of 3 things, 
  - Turning towards, positive / responding 
  - Turning away, ignoring or not noticing 
  - Turning against, shut down 
- Examples
  - Ex, oh this is an interesting article (bid for connection)
    - Partner, response oh? What's it about? Or ignores or you say be quiet I'm trying to work
  - Ex, deep audible sigh, 
    - Partner says, oh hey is something wrong? Ignores and keeps reading, or what's the matter now!?
- Little moments of turning towards make it easier to navigate conflict. 
- Daily check-in, is there anything you need from me today
- If you can't respond to a bid 
  - "I'd really love to hear about this but I have to xyz, can you tell me about it a bit later?" If you can't respond
- If they don't respond to a bid, keep trying but if it's a patter. 
  - "Hey I've been trying to reach out and I have been feeling responded to, is there something going on preventing you from responding? Can I do something to make by bids more obvious?"

### Stay Curious About One Another (ask questions)
- Be interested in each other, you will both changes over time, ask open ended questions, daily habit 
- Ask genuine questions with issues and answer with genuine stuff, understanding and questions are key
- Fights have underlying value differences and life dreams and nightmares that should be understood. 

### Ask a Big Question
- Example
  - What are some unfulfilled things in your life, how have you changed in the past year, if you could change into any animal for 24 hours, if you could learn 3 new skills what and why? 5 movies that have changed your life? 
- You can opening things up by going first

### Say Thank You
- We all want to be appreciated 
- You need to get good at noticing the node things they do for you
- Must give partner benefit of the doubt
- Must tell partner what you need and want and how you need and want 
- Say thank you for something routines and expound on why it's important to you

### Give a Real Compliment
- Negative thoughts can infect how you think about them 
- Four horsemen of death 
- Criticism, defensiveness, stone walling, contempt
- 5 to 1 positive to negative interactions to keep things good 
- 20 to 1 in general life 
- Everyone always wants to have positive intentions, but how you are perceived is what really matters

### Needs
- Be explicit about your asks, people cannot read your minds. Express your needs,
- Wants are just as valid as needs
- You always and you never, signal personality flaws because they imply, and That's what criticism is.
- Don't use criticism to frame a need
- Describe yourself not your partner
- Talk about event not partner
- State positive need
  - Wrong: you never make time for me anymore, obviously you don't care about our relationship  
  - Right: I feel lonely, when we don't spend any quality time together, can we find some time to spend together?
- Prompt for availability before requests, especially to talk about something important
 
### Touch is Important 
- You have to talk about touch (what is okay, what is not), should be non sexual too
- Hug for 20 seconds and kiss for 6 for oxytocen 
- Explicit discussion of erotic vs other touch

### Declare a date night 
- Let nothing get in it's way (marriage shouldn't be the thing that gives)
No screens, phones or Netflix. Have real conversation. Just the 2 of you.
- You should make time to connect and prioritize this time as a way to keep your relationship strong. 


The Love Perseciption

Generally this book was more of a fun light memoir with some touching's on various deep philosophical ideas like the meaning of life. The notes below are more of the big philosophical take aways, not an indepth summary of the ideas and stories presented.



* Humans try and impose order on things via arbitrary categories that may have nothing to do with objective truth. For example the category of Fish is very poor in that some things we describe as fish are more closely related to cows than other fish (lung fish and cow vs salmon). 
* Life has meaning by supporting and loving and feeling emotions and all of those things matter to you and the people you do them with / to. 
* Chaos will always reign and what you take as meaning from chaos is up to you, and will differ vastly from person to person
* Eugenics is bad


Why Fish Don't Exist

## Intro

* Financial behavior is governed by people and their habits and emotions rather than Ridged rules and laws

## No One is Crazy

* Your habits and money psychology depend on your experience of how the economy is and what makes sense, based on your age. Did you grow up with inflation or strong stocks or strong bonds or high unemployment or war or poverty or silver spoons. -> what people think and how diverse opinions are, is a consequences of this.
* Be humble when you're successful and forgiving of others actions keeping the above in mind 

## Luck and Risk

* Be careful who you praise and admire. Be careful who you look down upon and wish to avoid becoming.
* Focus less on specific individuals and case studies and more on broad patterns. These tend to be truer and factor in luck and risk less

## Never Enough

* Don't risk what you have and need for something you don't 
* **Social comparison is bad as you will always want more**
* **Never worth risking** 

  * **Reputation is invaluable.**
  * **Freedom is invaluable.**
  * **Family and friends are invaluable.** 
  * **Happiness is invaluable.** 

## Confounding Compounding

* A good investment is not about trying the strategies to earn the highest interest rates. It seems intuitive, but the highest interest rates tend to be one-off hits that can’t be repeated. Instead, **good investing is about earning pretty good returns for a long period of time.**

## Getting wealth vs staying wealthy

* Be financially unbreakable, More than I want big returns, I want to be financially unbreakable. And if I’m unbreakable, I think I’ll get the biggest returns because I will be able to stick around long enough for compounding to work wonders.
* Planning is important, but the most important part of every plan is to plan on not going according to plan.
* You might fear the loss in the short term, but after a loss, you will see the growth. This cycle will continue.

## Tails you Win

* You can be wrong 70% the time and still make a ton of money if when your right you get 100x returns. This is how most marker returns are generated, for every company success like Amazon Prime, AWS or the iPhone there are dozens of flops and that's fine. 
* "The man who can do the average thing when everyone around him are going crazy"

## Freedom

* **The most consistent indicator of happiness is whether or not you have control over what you do, when you do, with whom you do.** 

## Man in the Car Paradox

* When you have something like a nice car, people don't think of you as wealthy, they think of how much they want to be wealthy.
* **People who buy expensive things tend to want respect and admiration and expensive things can't / don't buy that. Empathy, kindness, generosity, humility, will get you further** 

## Wealth is What You Don't See

* For wealth to be wealth if has to stay as money or an asset, thus it is largely invisible, assuming someone is wealthy based on what they've bought doesn't really make sense when loan, knock offs and such exist and many could afford them on the verge of bankruptcy and do. 
* Exercise metaphor, you think, I did the work and not I get to treat myself but in reality, wealth is saying no to the treating yourself part for actual results 

## Save Money

* **Learning to live with less is much easier than getting more salary but is often under utilized. Also avoid life style inflation with rising pay checks** 
* Savings gives you options and flexibility, like taking longer to find a better job because you have time to be a bit picky. 

## Reasonable > Rational

* **A rational strategy might be optimal but if you as a person cannot deal with the stress it creates and cannot stick with it, it's worthless and it would be much better to pick a less optimal but still good strategy that you could stomach which would be more reasonable to you.** 
* Example, high risk assets might be good when you're young but if it bothers you a lot and you find yourself anxious about your money all the time that rational but not reasonable. If you instead take a 40/60 bond stock split and are more comfortable with that this is more reasonable even if it's just a tad less rational. 
* It's hard to wake up in the morning and tell yourself that no one has a clue what the future holds even if it's true. Acting on investment forecasting is dangerous. 

## Surprise

* **Things that have never happened before happen all the time** 
* **Using history and assuming that it's seen everything that's happened before and can be used to predict the future is Ludacris**
* On top of that our systems are fundamentally changing all the time -> during the great depression we didn't have computers and Internet stock trading. 

## Room for Error

* You can't prepare for what you can't envisions so having a large margin of safety for the future to be worse than the past is good. Also for just things you can't possibly anticipate. 
* German tanks being destroyed by nesting field mice which could never have been anticipated because of the region. 

## You'll Change

* People underestimate how much they will change over time. Your goals will probably look vastly different in the future. So it's good to be somewhat flexible and avoid the extreme ends of financial planning
* Nothing is free
* Cost of investing and compounding is fear uncertainty and doubt. Prices for things can be invisible until you experience them. 
* Think of volatility as a fee rather than a fine and you will feel better about it 

## You & Me

* **Everyone who invests has different goals and time horizons and tolerance for risk. Don't be persuaded by the actions of those playing different games than you are.** 
* Also said games differences in games are responsible for market bubbles and crashes

## Pessimism

* Expect things to be bad and be surprised when they're not

## When you'll Believe Anything

* There are many things in life we believe because we want them to be true. This has a big impact on how we think about money and how people interact with it. 

## Outro

* There is no right answer to finance but simply a right answer for you.


The Psychology Of Money

* Kids who feel right will behave right, how do we help them feel right? By helping them accept their feelin
* Don't deny your children's feelings, (you couldn't be tired, you just napped) (That TV show stunk, no it was very educational) -> They won't trust their own emotions
* Instead Listen 100%, Oh, mmm or I see, rather than questioning or advising, to acknowledge the feeling
* ******Label the emotjon they're feeling
* You can't just ask them why they feel that way, because this requires them to think and get confused potentially and sometimes they don't know why they feel the way they do or don't want to tell because they worry their fears won't be valid in adult eyes
* *****They don't want agreement, they want emotional validation, to recognize what they are feeling 
* If you don't like how they said what they said, try saying I don't like what I just heard, could you try saying in a different way and I might be able to help more? 
* Draw me a picture of the way you feel, then validate their feelings. Man you are so angy aren't you, show me more (another sheet of paper)
* Match intensity of their emotions, when validating 
* Writing down what children want when they want a lot of things, gives validity to their desire and shows you're paying attention 
* Give into fantasy, I wish we could have a granola bar as big as that picnic table
* Conflict of outcomes. Parents want, order, cleanliness, societal approval, health and long term well being of their children and Children don't care about these things, So getting them to do them is difficult
* Tactics
* Describe what you see or the problem, (not what's wrong with child, personally)
* Give information, (touching hot plates deads to bruns and pain, it would be helpful if the table wass set for dinner) (don't give info they already know)
* Say it with a word, (less is more, kids coats, Jamie your lunch) 
* Talk about your feelings (I don't like having my sleeve pulled, it bothers me when xyz, I feel frustrated when I can't finish my statements)
* Write a note, (hang on the door or TV, for reminders)
* Put authentic emotion into your voice and sayings
* Can combine these tactics 
* Attitude should be your basically a wonderful, lovable capable person, there's a problem right now and onxe you're aware of it you'll probably take care of it
* When you're not getting through, (questions to ask self, is request reaonsable relative to child ability, can give child choice about when, or how done, any physical changes to invite cooperation, take time to do things together)
* If you have to repeat self figure out if you've been heard, before continuing ad infinitum (would you tell me what I just said?)
* If they say they'll do it later (ask for a specific time, when specifically? After this show? Which will be over in how long? An hour? Perfect I'll see it done in an hour then)
* Alternatives to punishment, 
* Punishment, creates sneakyness, and often keeps children from participating and pursuing solutions out of fear of punishment and blame
* Point out a way to be helpful, it would be helpful if you picked out lemons for us
* Strong disapproval without attacking character, I don't like what's going on it's bothersome to others when children run in the isles 
* Offer a choice, billy no running you can either walk or ride in the cart, you decide 
* Remove or restrain, let him experience the consequences. They want to come shopping but we're real bad last time. Say they don't get to come this time, let them know it's because of their prior action and they will get more changes in the future. (Lock tool box)
* Express your feelings strongly, explain expectations, show the child how to make amends 
* *******brainstorm together for mutually useful things, 
* write down all ideas without evaluating, evaluate (don't invalidate children's ideas)
* Plan to follow through, 
* No accusations or talk about the past 
* Not combative but cooperative 
* Rather than trying to find out who did it, Express a emotions and a desife to have the situation improve 
* Getting children to resolve their own problems. 'Kids this is a tough problem but I have confidence you can work together to find a solution you can both agree to'
* To encourage autonomy, allow them to do and struggle with things, as well as have opinions and make decisions 
* Encouraging autonomy 
* Let children make choices. Would you like to wear x or y, would you like to practice before or after dinner etc. (Allow for them to come up with their own alternative that meets your requirements)
* Show respect for a child's struggle, adding fractions can be hard
* Don't ask to many questions, don't bombard
* Don't rush to answer questions, what do you think? Should try and think first. 
* Encourage children to use resources outside the home. Let's check with the vet or dentist or your friends at school etc 
* Don't take away hope, inquire rather than crush their hopes. So you want x, tell me about it 
* Praise,
* ****Adult describes what they see or feel (I see a lot of work has been going on here, the shoes are put away, the dishes are done, I feel at ease being here.)
* Child after hearing is able to praise themself
* Summary word at the end to punctuate, I notice you did xyz, that's what I call (taking initiative, punctuality)
* Don't be too excited too often, this can lead to pressure on the target 
* No praise by comparison to siblings
* Helping your children overcome roles
* Put your children in situations they don't feel they're good at the tell them how they're doing great using the praise specific things (if they feel like they're always bad at something)
* Model the behavior you want to see
* Remind them or things they've done in the past that contradict 
* State your emotions and then expectations, (it upsets me to see this thing in this state, I expect it to be cleaned up when done etc, or it upsets me when you speak to me like that, can you phrase it another way) 
* Sometimes you have to commit to doing what the child does to see it through there eyes and so they know you get what they're going through 
* ****Instead of but use (the problem is), invites solutioning
* ****Instead of but use (and even though you know), acknowledged childs knowledge 
* Invitation to talk, I would love to hear about your trip when you're ready to talk about it 
* Notion of 'when they're ready', rather than saying 'ah my sons just shy' (casts them in the role of shy)
* Say 'oh, my son will talk to you when they're ready'


How to Talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk

* Hopelessness of growing up black and seeing only pimp, poor handy man, or drug addict in your future. 
* Fleeing to the church, realizing that what the church preaches only applies to white people and that it sounds like nonsense unless you already believe it. And that God is white in Christianity 
* Black people being treated worse than literal Nazis who were captured
* Elijah Muhammad and single minded / universal rage towards white people, without exception or nuance, being something he disagrees with


The Fire Next Time

* Many movements, vary wildly but agree that women are worse off than men in easily measurable ways, this systemic and something should be done about it 
* Their is a tendency for men to over react to notions that force them to consider that the world may have given them unfair advantages and that women may not have those and be dependent on men. 
* Some women lean into the patriarchy for small benefits out of fear that fighting it will leave them worse off
* Womens societal power is based on mens perception of beauty while mens is based on earning power which, creates a graph 📉 vs 📈 respectively over time
* Society trains us to ignore women who are angy as invalid, which is a tactic to supress anger which is one of few emotions that can actually create change 
* Girl power feminism - unthreatening, not actually motivating of systemic change, but simply conveying empty messages and celebrating indivudal successes
* Metaphors for opression,
* A wire in front of a bird, so people ask why the bird doesnt just hop over the wire. As you zoom out you see more and more wires making up a cage, so complaining about a wire seems trivial but its part of the larger cage 
* Invisible knapsack, a special bag of tools and stuff men get be default. 
* Social control by making people feel like theyre being watched and thus they fall inline. Constance survailance and motivation to please or conform. Penopticon and becoming your own jailers by feeling like you're being watched
* Collective action being difficult yo get off the ground due to, the idea that for most people going with the sexist system has a very high chance of very real benefits (male finances, protection, social approval etc), while the lofty potential benefits are far away and uncertain when fought for. 
* Oppression compounds with more minorities that you are a part of. Thusly its not like you can add things from various section but need to think theh mix and become bigger
* Rape as a protection racket, the idea being women need men to protect them from other men (you pay the mob to protect you from the mobs threats)
* Dealing with a man who you dont like involves mostly pretending to be sick (they tend to reciol in disgust)
* Being a better ally, listen to women, know that you're criticizing a system and you are a beneficiary of said system
* For flirting understand you by default have all the power, so try and give her more so you're equals, ask questions, be respectful, be patient, express invitations and try to be aware of your own entitlement, ask permission, be okay with the idea that you might be rejected (rejection for males is an ego bruise, rejection for females means potential physical harm)* 


Think Like a Feminist

* Can start with something small, like a free event on a college campus
* Earn money while doing what you love philosophy
* Can make a separate virtual assistanet email to negatiate prices under a different persona
* **What matters, intent, authenticity, passion, patience, speed, work and attention**
* **Intent: the Why, Share knowledge? Help others? Build legacy? Help self and family? Creative outlet? Community?**
* People can smell rotten intent, tend to have a cmmitment to service, desire to provide value and love of teaching
* Inspired to create a product or give information after not finding it for themselves
* **Give for free**
* **Authenticity: be you and stick to it, be honest and not fake (choose brand partnerships carefully, choose based on your audience)**
* Passion: Passion helps when you aren't making much money which will be a long time up front. Helps quality of content
* specific information / expertise, thats very niche (like making guitar petals), give info away for free, then consolidate in Ebook and make DIY kits for people
* Eventually outsource the stuff you're bad at
* **Storytell, go deep not wide**
* Speed: We gravitate towards things that allow us to live life more efficiently and do work faster
* **Do thing more quickly, mistakes and then learning is good**
* Work: no time for leisure if you really wanna crush it (if you don't wanna get super duper big then not as true), don't complain if you're not putting in the hours
* Attention: Trends, controversies, what are customers talking about, where is attention shifting. Don't become so comfortable on one platform that you neglect others, also don't cling to your favorite when its become ineffective or overpriced. Keep experimenting
* People have a different mindset when they go to different platforms, twitter news, FB catching up with friends, 
* Pillar content, then break into smaller more tailored bits for other platforms
* **Great Content = passion + expertise**
* Constantly learn and provide info and insight that is hard to find else where, and be unique and memorable
* Can document learning as your content
* Put your stuff up and see what the market thinks of it. Change it up and try again, take risks and learn, 
* Don't fake it, else you end up only with the worst and most useless customers (its not okay to be manipulative, it is okay to be a novice)
* **All reasons to no do, boil down to fear**
* **Fear of failure:** afraid of being judged by people whose opinions mean someting to them, if its your mom tell her respectfully you want her love but not her oppinoin, you have to let yourself be the sole judge and jury
* **Fear of wasting Time:** afraid of wasting time even when their time isn't valuble, downtime binging tv or video games? Could be doing something more fulfulling and building something
* **Fear of seeming vain:** accused of glorifying narcissism, everyone looks like an Ass when they're trying something new. Everyon's an ass until they're a pioneer
* Unique information, publish an ebook and sold after publishing a bunch of web content for learning a very specific niche exam. 
* Hop on the phone and message a negative review person to get feedback, took the time and cared enough to reach out and cared to see what he could do to impove. 
* First things first, ake a FB business page
* Breakthrough opprotunities via, smart use of hashtags or direct messaging and reaching out to people directly and offering something of value n return for their attention (both involve a super long grind)
* Would be totally normal to hand someone business card at end of the night and just be like, hey checkout my website and maybe we can work together sometime
* If you do it right you're genuinely trying to be helpful and recognize a hole in your business and had knowledge and skill to fix it, 
* **When you can't offer exposure or moeny you can offer knowledge and skill. But also be creative about this, offer pizza if you own a pizza shop or whatever your trade is in this context. Offer some free graphic design work or customer filters or whatever**
* Musically -> tiktok: try all new social media platforms and figure them out 
* Use hashtags, make great content based on current trends via the discover page
* Snapchat: when the normals (non-tech and non-business) start spending a lot of time somewhere, pay attention. Fufills the you don't want to hang out where you mom hangs out and you want to lock your room
* Business is 2 sets of people - conversion based sales and branding/marketing, short and long term players respecgtively 
* Document what you do along with the benefits for others, show your personality
* Engage with your cusomters by giving away product for the best new name for a thing
* Learn by googling, how to do x like how to draw dinosaurs, then how to do angry eyes and figure it out and use snap chat to post cute dumb drawings
* Twitter: latest news or pop culture event, 
* Listen, react and high jack, if you're trying to come up in that industry you kinda need to go find hashtags and mentions of a thing and then comment on alllll of it and repeat every day for a long long time
* Retweet for instant awareness idea, 
* You're always just one comment away from getting notices so the more you put out the better
* Youtube: when your documenting and not creating you're allowed to learn as you go. You don't have to be an expert (yet), or successful (yet), The only thing you really do have to do is make the road to getting there interesting
* Don't every decide for yourself that videos about you or the things you like won't be compelling to anyone, let the market decide
* Youtube best practices, video potimization, titles (moajority of title viewable on mobile? title short concise, emotionally driven, keyword optimized),
* channel optimization, banner, about section, playlists, PG (201)
* Facebook: Creative flexability (blog posts, pictures, videos, music, all work)
* Collaberate, do searches and find relevant pages and creators, make them incredible offers that makes it wort their while to share your original content. Share your cool product with them and their page if it helps them
* Never ask for anything until you've given twice as much or more
* Instagram: PG (225) search for relevant hashtags to your niche or product / business, investigate linked sites, message them explaining what drew you in and why you love their work, and how you can provide them value through your product or service (only a fraction will respond but thats enough)
* ^ can also reach out to people to send coupons and such
* Commit to delivering free valuble consistent contet, build an audience, then engage and ask them one on one what they're struggling with and whats challeneging and painful and you listen, eventually you prodvide a product or service to help and they already ahve rappor


Crushing It!

* Only thing you can always controll is how you respond everything else is take away able
* Sometimes man either wishes to do what others do, or wants to be told what to do 
* Because of a so called existential vaccum or inner emptiness
* Boredom is the manifesting of ^
* Logotherapy vs reguarly fherapy, intro spective over retrospective
* Interesting idea, man is afraid of sweating and this anxiety causes him to sweat. So his homework was go try and sweat as much as possible when had this fear. And his paradoxical wish would elleviate his anxiety 
* Meaning via a realtionship with a person
* Meaning via experiencing things
* Meaning via creating things
* Meaning via overcoming and re framing suffering into growth


Man's Search For Meaning

* Fatal assumption that if you understand the technical work of a business you understand how to run a business around that technical work. 
* This ^ is not true
* Now is one person who knows how to do the work technical work but not the other 12 things involved in business operations 
* Fat guy skinny guy personalities divide and different goals and different and motivation ability
* Similar idea but for 
* manager (pragmatic, organizational, craves order, sees problems, ), 
* technician (the do-er, the feel and thing he can get done, can only do one thing at a time, everyone else is always trying to get more done than is possible or necessary)
* entrepreneur (visionary and creative, strategist, mad at people dragging their feet relative to the vision and moving slower than expected). 
* And no one can win. 
* Technician sees the manager as a meddler, manager see technician as a part to be managed, entrepreneur got them both in trouble with their messy ideas on the first place. 
* Avg is 10% entrapeneuer, 20% manager, 70% technician. 
* Entrapeneuer, wonder about the future. 
* Technical, most business are operating on what the owner wants as opposed to what the business needs.
* You work hard and it works. But then because your value add is over working, you start to get exhausted and drop the ball. All of a sudden you are very overwhelmed. Business needs to change.
* You shouldn't have to do the work
* If you just want to do the technical work, don't be an entrapeneuer
* Get help, look for an expert in something that you don't know how to do 
* Management by abdication vs managing by delegation. If you hire people and let them do everything with no oversight they will invariably do things poorly or not to your liking. 
* Trust but verify? -> have a system and clear expectations
* No one cares as much about your business as you do and they don't care about its success or operations as much 
* Then the owner jumps back in and starts doing everything themselves again 
* Pushes beyond the owners comfort zone. 
* Technician - how much work they can do by themselves
* Manager - how many people they can manage effectively
* Entrapeneuer - how many managers they can a effectively engage in their efforts
* Typically when you panic you resort to what you are most comfortable with 
* If you hire a technician, you need to be their manager. Help them understand the direction of the business, help them know the results and quality they're accountable for, 
* Begin with the end in mind and, every day be aware of where you are and make sure you're pushing towards the right thing 
* Set up systems that work independent of yourself -> franchise business
* Until then your business owns you
* Work on your business rather than in it
* Pretend it's the prototype for 5000 replicas like a franchise 
* Rules: Consistent value to cusomters, suppliers and lenders beyond what they expect, Model will be operated by people with the lowest possible skill necessary, Impeccable order, Document everything, Uniform consistent experience for customer
* Care about the psychology of the shapes and colors of the logo and paper and such etc
* Business development
* Innovation - must be creative doing, the business is the product, asking and experimenting / researching the question how could I do this better 
* Quantifications - need to measure things, everything ideally. 
* Orchestration - standardize and document and make it uniform as the way you act, 
* Continuous process 
* Values, and life aim, how do I want life to look on a day to day basis, how would I like to be with others family, friends, etc, how would I like people to think of me. Think of how you want others to talk about you at your funeral. 
* What is the feeling with selling (product) fantasy, sex, cool, fun, how does your commodity fulfill that
* Org chart, organize around responsibilities instead of personalities, 
* If everyone takes turns, who is accountable for various issues? 
* COO, general strategic objective 
* VP marketing, finding cusomter
* Sales manager, and advertising manager
* VP operations, get it to the people as consistently and explofe ways to do cheaper
* Production, facilities, severvice manager
* VP finance, support marketing and finance and profits
* Accounts receivable manager, accounts payable manager 
* Position contract for each, summary of results to get, responsibilities and, standards to hold
* Learn the lowest part of your org chart and document all the processes, script guides, faq, etc. Then hire someone and train them to use. 
* Management system, figures out what the customer wants (asks) and gets it to them everyone time 
* Series of check lists, color coded, and sign that you did it. To sign and not do is grounds for instant dismissal, drawing that walks them through the steps and they have to also check off the drawing to show it was done. 
* Spot checks
* Automatic lighting changes based on time and season, automatic pool temperature changes via the same thing, automated experiences for consistency are a good thing 
* Getting people to do the thing, owner takes them seriously, how seriously the boss takes the business, 
* The work we do is a reflection of who we are, 
* Should understand the idea behind the work, (and be allowed to question our processes and be taken seriously)
* The cusomter is not always right but it is our job to make him feel that way 
* Everyone should work towards being the best they can possibly be at the task they're responsible for 
* Everything we know how to do is test by what we don't know how to do, 
* Want to work for someone who has made a game, clear rules and objectives. 
* Game comes first (not desired action as motivation to create game)
* Has to be one you're willing to play yourself. 
* Should be winnable without ending it 
* Change up tactics but not strategy 
* You have to remind people about the game they're playing 
* Game has to make sense
* Hiring process, presentation for the idea of the business, history and required attributes
* 1 on 1 for feelings on presentation, and experience
* Notification for everyone phone call for success letter for failure scripted
* Tour with highlighting the systems
* How do you do it here (it is your game / your moral / unique emotional idea)
* Precieved need, the cusomter needs to know they have a need. Unconscious baises are important and you need to be aware of how people see you and the changes minor details on you presentation and appears create. Orange vs navy suit 
* White boards, with blue smudges on surrounding walls, via erasing carelessness, tried to change peoples actions, instead untilate result was to add plastic borders to white boards. System solution to human will problem. 
* Sales scripts, presentations 
* Appointment - gets them to make an appointment, speaks to the product (financial control, emotional needs / desires)
* Needs analysis - repeat appointment presentation idea, establish credibility, personal willingness to do whatever you have to for them. Understand what frustrates client and can fix for them. Describe why it works so well and what it does and the system. Follow up appointment to provide some free sample of the thing. 
* Solution - details all the things that you've done specifically just for them and how they solves the emotional issues at hand, then says of the options present which do you feel would best server your needs at this time


The E Myth Revisted

* Small and simple changes
* 80/20 rule, 2.5/95
* Minimum effective load (min to see desired outcome), anything extra is wasteful. Saves time and effort 
* Re comp - change in body stuff, net changes both absolute value of body fat loss and muscle gain together 
* Diet, drugs and exercise to achieve change, Balance can be different. 60 diet, 10 drugs, 30 exercise. 
* Take adherence seriously, a less efficient and slower method is better than a better method you abandon. 
* Exercise has to be specific and targeted towards a specific change (cannot be general)
* Should be simple and trackable. 
* Track the right things, circumference and boy fat % measurements, not weight 
* Don't compare results from various tool, only compare results over time in the same tool
* Measure some circumference places, arms at bicept, thighs at mid thigh ,waist at naval ,hips at widest point below waist
* Dexa, bod pod, ultra sound for measuring fat ideally
* Sticking to behavior changes / stopping behaviors that are obviously not in your interest
* Make a behavior conscious, photograph meals before eating, more effective than food diarys, Before picture on fridge, for conscious. Have hand next to food for size
* Make it a gain, measurement creates motivation. 5 measurements of data creates motivation, (as seen by Nike)
* Make it competitive, potential loss is a better motivator, can set you up with potential to be pubically shamed, compete against peers, 
* Make it small and temporary, start doing these now. Smallest meaningful change I can make
* Slow carb diet 5 rules
* Avoid white carbohydrates, (this feels crazy restrictive and ridiculous, as it includes potatoes, all rice, wheat, etc)
* Eat the same few meals over and over again,
* ****protein via eggs, chicken, beef, fish, pork, legumes, black beans, pinto, red beans, soy beans, lentils, vegetables, spinach, broccoli, peas, green beans, (Maybe try this more too)
* Don't drink calories, but coffee and tea is fine. No soda, no milk, no white wine or beer
* Don't eat fruit (Also seems a bit crazy)
* Cheat day once per week (helps your body not adjust to new things and keeps metabolic rate higher for fat loss)
* *****Supplements, potassium, magnesium and calcium. (Could maybe try this perhaps)
* Potassium enriched salt, 
* Magnesium before bed for sleep?
* To get rid of bean farting, rinse before consumption
* Balsamique with garlic powder for making beans better
* Massive weight gain of water on cheat days
* Spices and herbs and good
* Eat more, if you're hungry for snacking. 
* Hormonal changes for binging with psychological benefits. 
* Cheat meals for eating out, throw out all bad foods at the end of cheat day. 
* Platue mistakes, Eating to late - eat without an hour of waking, Not enough water - liver function, Not enough protein - 20 gram per meal (especially breakfast, eggs, turkey bacon, cottage cheese, sausages, protein shake)
* Eat until you're full, do not restrict calories, 
* If you don't normally cook, use frozen and canned stuff first
* Over eating domino foods (easy snack foods that are high calorie, portion abuse ), almonds, peanuts , macadamias, chick peas / garbanzo beans , nuts
* Don't over abuse non sugar sweeteners. Experiment with vanilla extract and spices instead 
* Don't go to the gym to much 
* Try exercising just a bit right before meals for like 2 minutes and about 90 minutes after 
* Garlic is good 
* Cold can be a good way to help loose weight, intermittent cold exposure. 
* ***Ice pack on back of neck in evening, (Maybe try this sometime)
* Ice water on waking
* Breakfast 20 - 30 minutes later 
* Cold showers for head and face, before night or in morning
* Perform 1 set to failure for each exercise, 3 minutes rest between 
* *** Perform each exercise with a 5 seconds moving up and 5 seconds moving down cadence (Might be interesting to see how this works for me)
* *** 2 - 10 exercises per workout no more (Might be interesting to try if I decide to do a full body split ever again)
* Including one press, pull and leg
* Don't pause at the bottom of top
* ****Women has be to comfortable masturbating and knowing how your doing things 
* Position such that penis hits g spot, and pelvis hits clit
* Missionary with pillow under women's hips 
* ****Upper left from the women's perspective. Upper right from the man's 
* ****Explain that this is a goallesss practice. I'm gonna do something you don't have to do and thing now or after. There is no goal
* Butterfly soles of feet together, man on her right side with. 
* Limit session to exactly 15 minutes, use timer to reduce pressure and anxiety. 
* Focused repitions / like meditation 
* Thumb hold cliterol hood
* ****Other hand on butt with thumb at but not in base of vagina 
* ****Directional questions, higher or lower, lighter or harder, 
* ****Tip of finger, lightest possible movement, take the time to find the spot, upper left from her perspective. 
* Pressure on pubic bone moving upwards 
* No putting in a show for the man 
* Testosterone booster, long term and sustained. 
* *****All before bed and upon waking, Fermented cod liver oil, vitamin rich butter fat, D3 3000 iu 5000 iu, Cold shower 10 minutes, 3 Brazil nuts (Could be intersting to try sometime) 
* Sex machine insanity
* 4 eggs before bed
* Same as above with oil and butter and nuts a few hours.before 
* Perfect sleep, 
* What is bad sleep, Taking to long to get to sleep, Waking up to often, Waking to early and not getting back
* The zeo, glucose, temperature, heart rate
* REM to total sleep, made thing better
* California Poppy seed extract, increased deep wave sleep
* **** Organic almond butter on celery, befor bed (Try?)
* **** Flax seed oil for cell repair? before bed (Try?)
* **** Low blood sugar is a problem for waking tired is part of the issue, pre bed snack (Try?)
* **** Test 67 - 70 degrees as bedroom temperature. Maybe socks. 
* Large on fat and protein meal within 3 hour of bedtime. Cholesterol, 4 eggs. 
* Philips Go light, for seasonal depression, replace morning coffee with it, during winter. 
* Cold bath 1 hr before bath
* **** Ultra sonic humidifier, arrow swiss (Try?)
* Night wave pulse light
* Longer life, if it's worse quality of life isn't worth it
* Its powerful to have something uniquely in your controll that, that can make such a big difference in so many walks of life


4 Hour Body

* Know what makes you happy and what's worth doing 
* Business is not about money but making dreams come true for yourself and others
* Help others
* Persistently improve and invent, don't just promote what isn't working
* You don't really know what people want until you start
* You can't make everyone happy, so proudly excludeb people. Shows your small audience you care and that you are they're player not someone else's (corporation or the mainstream whomever that may be)
* Make yourself unnecessary to running the business
* The real point of doing anything is to be happy, so do only what makes you happy
* Define how your platform or business or tool or whatever will be uniquely perfect to you relative to what's currently offered. Make it hyper public and stay with it. (No payed promotion by sellers, forwards buyer details, never kicks distributers off for not selling etc)
* Keep making new things and inventing until you find one people are begging to buy. Otherwise, don't try and push it and promote it
* Be willing to pivot, no plan survives first contact with the customer and they might want or perceive slightly different things than you imagined, which is great as long as you lean in. 
* Everything should be with the customer best interests in mind. Just thrill your existing customers and you'll spread like wildfire
* Your idea doesn't need funding, just do the smallest thing you can to help someone in the way your product would this week
* Sharing business model. If you have information on how you've completed a hard process (after finding only unclear guide and information). Share it for free.  If you have a resource start sharing it for free (internet hosting, barcodes, merchant accounts). Until you have to many people asking and you need to charge a bit so you can keep giving. 
* Ideas aren't worth much vs executionz most of the value is in the later
* You don't need any of the corporate non sense, terms and conditions and privacy policys. Other people will try and use fear to sell you a service. Ignore them 
* Think of your customers as lots of tiny individuals, the opinion or loss of any individual one is no big deal. Focus on the majority and keep them happy
* No advertisement, it's not about the money and it kills the user experience (not sure if I agree) 
* How do you grade yourself, what are you goals and metrics for success (helping people, money, influencing a few people deeply, influencing a lot of people shallow)
* Are you helping people, are you happy are they happy, are you profitable, is that enough?
* Be generous and take minor losses for good customer opinion. Better in the long run anyways. 
* Customer service is good, focus on getting the most out of current customers over getting new ones. If you can't handle all requests hire another personz it's worth it. 
* Don't punish everyone for one person's mistakes
* Often it's the tiny details that thrill customers the most. (Tiny goofy end letter example)
* Delegation mindset. Have a core philosophy, (like it's fine to take x amount of loss on a request so long as it's not completely unreasonable, just make sure they're happy) then have a Q&A doc and document answers to all questions (reviewed by you the business owner once a week for new questions and answers), 
* Document essential processes and teach them to at least a few members and have those members teach the others. 
* Now you can focus on improvements, innovations and optimization. 
* If you couldn't take a month off from your business, you didn't do it right. 
* Be careful about adding your opinion as the boss, in that it can steal ownership from team members
* Your processes should be able to handle twice the number of people you currently serve at any time (necessitates streamlining processes at various points and re thinking others)
* Trust but verify (with regards to delegated people doing their tasks, have a system to make sure the work is getting done but trust them to do it beyond that)
* You can be unconventional and quirky as you like
* Pay close attention to what excited you and what drains you, when you're being the real you vs trying to impress an invisible jury
* Slowing growth to be happy is good


Anything You Want

* Our actions reveal our values, stop lying to yourself and admit your real priorities or start doing what you say you want to do and see if its really true
* ****Whatever you decide is important (money, performing, freedom, learning, fame), you need to decide and optimize for that and will end up letting go of other things
* ****When you copy or imiate your copy will be different in ways your style or imperfections or value or tastes exemplify, as a result it will become unique and a whole peice of art unto itself and this is a great and very valid way to create (find something you kinda like and adapt it to your very specific preferences and interpretation)
* Be flexible about your self image, you can change your preferences over time
* Public comments are just feedback about something you made, (they are not a personal attack on everything you are, those people don't actually know you deeply at all)
* You need a balance of present and future focus. Present to enjoy life and not be disconnected, future to achieve deeper happiness and act disiplined
* ****Say no to almost everything to make space in your life for things that actually matter. Say yes only to the things that make you say Hell Yeah
* Do some things for yourself, play
* People say your first reaction is most honest, I think your first reaction is outdated
* A simple tweak can give you better motivation when your failing (don't only ignore the toxic comments but make them impossible to see)
* ****New habits mean quitting old ones you cannot create more space in your day by sheer effort alone
* Before you start, think about how it could end
* Getting out of a bad state, meditate and be in your body in the moment (not so bad right?), say no to anything less than great, focus on your goal (creating learning, improving etc, the 10 year plan kinda stuff), Do all the necessary stuff
* There is no speed limit, the standard pace is for chumps, if you want to go fast and you're driven go fast
* ****Sometimes the hyper stressed pace and the nice relaxing pace get you there almost just as fast
* Disconnect from tech for success
* The thing that gets us to the result and the dream vision of what it looked like to get there don't need to be the same, and isn't an excuse not to do so (if you want to learn german you don't need to go to germany even if thats how you initially envisioned it)
* Compare down not up (bronze metalist mentality, just happy to be on the podium and happy I edge out fourth rather than silver who wishes they edged out gold)
* If you love something it tends to seem simple, if you don't it seems like lots of tedius steps. Useful in finding out your true emotions about something
* Try changing your list of preconditions to do something from x and x and x to x or x or x
* When people say they only have 2 options they're stuff and there are always more than 2 options
* It is powerful to assume everything is your own fault and in your contorll by extension
* ****What seems obvious to you can seem extrodinary to someone else and vice versa, don't hold back publishing things becasue you think they're obvious
* Life sized decisions should be happy, smart (long term good for you) and useful to others (which is fulfilling). 2 of 3 isn't good enough and leads to problems
* ****Seperate work and art because we need both in life but mixing them. (full time artists end up doing a lot of business operations and most end up poor). For work pursue money, for art persue expression. Don't make your job your whole life don't make your art your sole income
* Wath do you hate not doing
* Learning without doing is wasted
* ****Don't start a business until people are asking you to based on your work, prove real demand
* Write to record your ideas and preserve them for others
* Don't jump to conclusions, don't assume other people are stupid
* Value peoples work for what it can give to you, not who they are, 
* Nothing had inherent meaning, we just choose to project meaning onto things
* No one has that much natural skill, its all practice
* Judge a goal by how well it chagnes our actions in the present moment, a great goal make you take action immediately, find a variant that excited you
* Day draming of possible futures is fun, make sure you now them as possible futures
* Finding something that excited or scares you is how you find your passion
* Do what scares you and it won't scare ou anymore


Hell Yeah or No

* *** Build product, measure customer response, learn what and why. Repeat. This is the loop
* How to measure progress, how to setup milestones, how to prioritize work
* Idea to measure progress as learning rather than specific to field/job output 
* Startups should use a different management model due to their extreme uncertainty 
* *** Rapid testing, lots of ideas and lots of testing 500 instead of 1. 1 creates politicians fighting for their ideas. The other creates entrepreneurs. Managers should create these systems
* *** Site AB testing for half of users redirected to different webpages. (Many engineering changes have no impact on customer behavior), Split test experiment, feature test is only sent to half of users. To have a measure / baseline. 
* *** Talk to real users often and early, Learn from real people. 
* Mental model for users can and will be wrong (assumptions will likely be wrong. What you assume will be barriers, what actually end up being barriers to use)
* Value vs waste. Only do value based things where value is providing benefit to the customer. 
* But what the customer finds valuable is initially unknown, so you must find this. 
* Don't go for vanity metrics and short term advertising stuff. 
* Should not be can this product be built, nowadays it typically can. But should this product be build and can you build a sustainable business around it's product / services
* Experiments, scientific method. Hypothesis and then result relative. Goal is to build a sustainable business. 
* Zappos, online shoes. Took pictures to post online, would come back IRL and buy shoes if someone bought online. 
* Question, is there already sufficent demand to make a business for online shoes. 
* Better customer interactions, better data, surprised when customer act in unexpected ways (returns?)
* *** Value hypothesis, does it really provide value? Proxy for value of thing, do they come back for seconds? 
* *** Growth hypothesis, how new customers discover a product. Behavior, do people actually spread the thing. Point is to find early adopters (better for feedback)
* Measure what they actually did, not what they think. 
* If 10/10 people arean't repeat customers thats bad. But we ask them again. 
* *** Questions, do consumers recognize that they have a problem. If their was a solution would they be willing to buy it. Would they buy it from us. Can we build it. 
* *** MVP, even if hard to use can prove value given and need if people want to use at all. 
* Also complaints about lack of certain feature validates the need for those features (and make them prioritize over all other features)
* For a service based can experiment with side services. Ironing, or extra pay for speeds. (Ex laundry)
* When experimenting target a very small geographic area, localized adds or marketing 
* Planning only works with a long and stable operating history. Else agile and experiments are better given uncertainty 
* Hypothesis, design w/ feedback metrics, Build, measure, learn, pivot?, Repeat
* *** Big assumptions like we assume super markers would be willing to carry our product or we assume customers will find out thing valuable etc. Break down the assumptions you have that are required for your product to succeed and test them early
* Their are value destroying kinds of profit and growth, like ponzi schemes. This is bad
* Customer archetype - their personality and problems 
* Early adopters are, willing to use an 80% solution and you should target them 
* How many features do we really need to appeal to early adopters. Anything extra is waste 
* Examples - 
* Drop box, seamless synchronization and great UI. Others cannot imagine how to use. Because to out there. 
* Cannot build MVP because too technically difficult to do without knowing there is defined interest. 
* *** Made a video, to show how it would work as MVP. Targeted at early adopters. video is MVP, and validation is beta list testers
* *** Concierge MVP, tried to make a sale. They got a personal version of the service without the tech. Did it IRL. The idea was personalized meal plan based on your preferences and what's on sale at your grocery store. 
* Learning more and more about the system and customers. 
* Only when they got to much people to do, start doing automation. (Send lists via email, take payment via credit card online)
* Virtual personal assistant, for subjective questions. MVP 4 week projects to test with beta users, question of what would it take for users to engage and tell their friends. Hired 8 people to be the backend. 
* Worked via instant messaging. Worked by sending question to friends in personal network. 
* *** Wizard of Oz testing. Humans they're interacting with a product but really people are making it work behind the scenes. 
* Customers don't care how much time it took to do something by the builders. Only that it meets their needs. Sims style walking and obstacle avoidance vs cheap and easy tap to teleport. Same outcome but one is far far easier to build and both server the need
* MVP speed bumps
* Legal issues, fear over competitors, branding risksz moral 
* Patent risks. Some places window begins when released to public. Seek legal counsel
* Competitors, it's hard to have competitors notice any idea. Or anyone to notice your idea. The issues with most established companies is that they have to many good ideas already. 
* Only way to win is to learn faster. 
* Branding is hard, so be a different brand name than your parent. 
* Cannot give up hope on MVP, commit to interations. Crisis of faith is bad for traditional management. But okay for us because expectations are tempered and focus is different. Must measure learning. 
* Rigorously measure current state and devise experiments to figure out how to get where we want. 
* Persevering to much is baaaad. 
* Innovation accounting. Get current baseline with MVP. Tune engine from baseline towards ideal. Pivot or persevere (strategy working? Or fundamentally flawed. Pivot worked if further experiment are more successful at getting results)
* Main MVP or individual per assumption. Smoke test for will people buy even if you don't have it yet. 
* *** Test riskiest first as thing hinge the most. 
* *** Must know what a design or engineering change is trying to accomplish (increase sure conversions, signup, retention etc) and be measure before and after to judge successfulness 
* Cohort analysis, each days customers are independent of the days before and are categorized as such. Don't look at cumulative numbers but numbers based on small chunks of users based on time. 
* Company executing a plan well, it's just the wrong plan. Are current actions actually have desired impacts
* Vanity metrics (top line overall). This isn't true cohort based means that on a cohort by cohort basis your % convention or whatever isn't getting better 
* Kanban, only so many stories can be in any state at a time of (backlog, in development, done, seeking split test validation) buckets fill up and finish. 
* Needs hypothesis. 
* Metric value
* Actionable - clear cause and effect for metric change, replicable. 
* Accessible - needs to be understandable metrics, simple and concrete units. People and their actions. Wide spread access to reports for all employees. 
* Auditable - tempted to blame others, when something goes bad. Must be able to spot check with real customers. 
* Runway, the amount of pivots you can still make. Usually just the idea of the amount of money and burn rate instead. Potentially you can get to each learning and pivot faster
* Pivoting is scary because 
* Acknowledging failure is scary for moral
* Measuring is scary and people are afraid it isn't representative of their full idea in final form 
* Schedule a regular pivot or persevere meeting in advanced 
* Should look into other concepts by validating other concepts and pre conceptions with various customers. 
* *** Pivot, given data do you need to change fundamentally what you're doing. 
* Zoom in pivot. Refocus product identity around one of it's core features to nullify a negative and enhance positives. 
* Customer segment pivot, solving a real problem but not the initial intended audience, hard because early adopters and main stream have very different wants and need. 
* Zoom out pivotz sometime single featur is insufficient and needs a suite of support. 
* Customer needs pivot, our problem isn't important but new problem is worth solving
* Platform pivot, application to platform or vice versa
* Business architecture, low margin high volume or high margin low volume 
* Value capture pivot. 
* Engine of growth pivot. Viral, sticky, paid
* Channel pivot. Distribution channel. 
* Technology pivot, use different tech to do same thing. 
* What create value vs waste. Where value is validated learning. 
* Batch size is how many of a thing is move from each stage to another in the process. Batch size of 1 is progen better, unintuitively. The reason being that our intuition doesn't account for the time it takes to sort and move giant stacks. We also assume that we'll get better at the minor repetitive task the more we do it which may be true but isn't as important as the other thing
* Also any errors in the finals steps or any step cause all the other steps to be invalidated and potentially their work undone (unpacking boxes if you find out your stuff won't fit or is slightly flawed)
* Smaller batch size, allows for more cuetomizeablitiy potential is higher. 
* Also smaller batch size means QA issues can be identified much sooner 
* If they don't want what we're selling, finding out sooner is better than later. Small batches help 
* Design, develop and ship one feature at a time. Work together on 1 feature that goes out only to a smaller number of users. Test suite that makes sure main functionality is still working. 
* Value of most hardware is determined by software and software can be changed quickly, for faster feedback. 3D printing and fast prototyping. 
* A designer will be interrupted with engineering questions while trying to design the next batch 
* Large inventory is expensive because has to be stored, bought and tracked. Especially because you might not need all that inventory. 
* Better to keep one spare on hand, and then order when used. 
* Try to use common materials and infrastructure, to make small batches more feasible
* Sustainable Growth, old customers help attain new customers. Ways,
* Word of mouth, as a side effect of common use, through funded advertising (must be revenue base, cost of acquiring is less then customer purchase), repeat purchase or reuse, 
* *** Sticky engine of growth, attract and retain customers. 
* Track attrition rate or churn rate. Fraction who fail to remain engaged with product. Growth rate - churn rate. If churn is high you need to focus on making customer happier.
* *** Viral engine of growth. Depend on person to person transmission as a side effect of use. 
* Viral loop, viral coefficient, how many new cusomter will a single customer bring with them by using. Coefficient needs to be above 1 meaning each new person bring in avg 1 other person with them. Viral products tend to be free and have indirect revenue (like ads), to help their engine. 
* Facebook 
* Value is to advertisers is eyes, the customer is getting a network site
* *** Payed engine of growth, you pay a certain amount to aquire a new cusomter, and make a margin on the acquisition. 2 ways to speed up, decrease cost of acquisition or decrease cost of servicing 
* LTV life time value,
* CPA, cost per acquisition
* Marginal profit, difference
* Product market fit, product finds customers wide spread and do it well. 
* Each engine has metric for product market fit. 0.9 for Viral
* Payed, marketing and sales
* Every engine runs out eventually, Thus you must make new products and growth ideas, 
* *** 5 why's, help uncover main true cause. Usually move towards human issue, playbook or training issues. 
* Proportional investment in training to pain, minor glitch - minor incremental training. 
* 5 blames. Not this 
* Bad process not bad people. Everyone in the room who interacted, customer service, people who tried to fix, people who made, people who made process. Whoever is left out, tends to be blamed 
* Mutual trust needed
* Tolerant of all mistakes the first time, never allow mistakes twice. 
* Executive leadership needs to support and get behind this. 
* *** Innovation requires 3 things. Scarce but secure resource, independent authority to develope their product, and a personal stake in the outcome. 


The Lean Startup

* Grind: First goal is to make a sale, your actions should directly propell you to this point and nothing else (IE not networking, not)
* Grind: Define your customer, pick one specific group
* Grind: Outline 3 - 5 products that your core custoemr buys, if you can't choose a new market
* Grind: Choose your first products, the gateway product that leads to other purchases, alternatively the one that interests you most, or the one that you thionk can most be improved upon
* Grind: Choose a place to document the hourney
* Grind: Order prototypes and place your first order, (choose supplier with the best communication all else being equal. Order as much inventory as possible unless crowd funding in which case you can wait)
* Grind: Stack  the deck, build a small but passionate audience who are actively watching your journey, Line up 10 personal contacts who are ideal custoemr and ask them to join the causes, and engage with your posts / talk about your pdouct on launch day. Give them free product and ask them to take photos. Make relationship with a micro influcnece 10K followers, or any place where 10k people who are core customer accumulate
* Grind: Take an order
* The Growth: Goal is to get to 25 sales a day, must be active with audience and get high quality reviews, go above and beyond to make yoru customers happy so they voluntarily talk about you, respond to every commnet, share every photo and post pictures of your best reviews on social media
* The Growth: Does your audience actually want your product, Ask for real feedback
* The Growth: Think small, Get one review today, make one dustomer very happy today, make a connection with samll influencers. Momentum
* The Growth: Cultivate a core group of buyers VIP list
* The Growth: Utilize pay-per-click advertising and video ads
* The Gold: Only launch products that are multipliers, additional colors aren't products, remember customer is on a journey and your job is to make it easier for them to overcome the challenges that they will face
* The Gold: Advertise via influencers and audiences, only advertise to audiences that are direct representations of idael cusomter
* The Gold: Make relationships not transactions, go deeper, send thank your cards and gifts and make them look cool on your social media channels
* The Gold: Pay yourself, 100,000 oer month reveneu, can start taking a salary. Re-invest profits but be able to live
* The Gold: Take strategic risks. Experiment with new products that advertising, 
* The Gold: The idea of a lifetime comes every 6 months, with the process in hand you will be ready when it arrives
* After: after all of this you need to make infrastrucutre to make sure it can run without you before you sell it or hand it off
* After: Avoid, optimizng for vanity metrics, forgetting the people, making decisions based on algorithms
* After: You hold all the negotiation cards not the other way around when selling yoru business, usually will stay on with some stake in the company as an advisor
* After: Life is about relationships and their depth but money is fuel for a better life
* After: Plan through your goal, not to it, otherwise burnout
* 
* 2 Types of people, visionarys who are energetic and emotional and come up with new ideas and builders who are calm stable and organized
* Small brands can be agile and fix things quickly and respond to feedback well unlike big brands and this is a massive advantage
* Its gonna mean 12 hours days, lots of red in bank accounts and working alone
* Make sure you're enjoying the ride you're on or you'll burn out
* Become a price setter not a price follower
* Amazon is a research gold mine, pay attention to reviews, what do people dislike about a product
* Check out kick starter and look at projects that raised a million dollars
* What pain poinsts have I already solved in my life and how
* People buy products that say something about themselves as a result banded or stylysed things with similar function can work, rifle coffee, stylish blue light blocking glasses
* To whom are you going to sell, what do they already buy, what does your group think of similar products on the market, where does your person hangout, do you know how you will get predictable sales, what will products 2,3,4 be
* $2 discount to subscribe to email newsletter
* Ask your users the important questions -> which x do they prefer, what makes the difference between a good and bad x, whats wrong with your current x, what do you think of this one? and this one? Where x is your produc ttype
* Can search for wholesalers, manufacturing companeis, contract manufacturers
* Product doesn't have to be new just has to be different even if its just in one small way
* Yoga matts for slightly older people with knee problems, different in thickness and cushion material
* Split testing requires nothingmore than asking people which one of 2 things they like better
* The most important thing sis to get feedback on why the survey respondents have a preference
* All this is before product hits market
* Find out what your customer wants, find out waht solving their problemm is worth to them, then charge them a little bit less than that
* Investors aren't interesested in your idea but their ROI so there needs to be a clear plan for success, (audience? advetising, follow up products, money allocation,)
* Great video, 10 ideal customers in your network, 1 micro influencer, 
* Debt should go into scaling inventory, not advertising
* Need a team that will mask your weaknesses
* Give without the expectation of receiving
* 1000 followers, 10 personal contact, 1 influencer = 100 sales
* Document the process of building your business
* If your community is buzzing about something give your take on it. This will engage your audience and attract new ones
* For approaching micro influences, heres a peice of content I think your audience wil love. Is there anything that your audicnece is struggling with that I could write about or speak to in order to serve them
* Have a VIP list for early access and making some super fans and promoting scarcity and exculsivity (pg, 90/91)
* As sales come in make sure to order more inventory aggressively
* If your inventory is on back order, tell customer right on the sales page. This info might actual increase sales, showing your popular, let them order now for delayed shipping or get notified when more is in stock. The key is to let them make their own informed choice so your brand isn't tained by a forced decision
* Kick starter prferes number of pledges over amount pledged, $1 reward level. Also early bird rewards are a huge hack for exposure, setup early bird rewars that equal your funding goal
* Branding is important but you will care more than your customer
* Call personally to ask if they liked the product or were having any issues (say i just wanted to make sure you had a 5 star experience)
* Don't say hey I hope you liked the product, could you leave us a review. Say Did your oder arrive on time? I just wanted to make sure it got there when it was suppose to. Then say great I just credited $10 to your account for letting us know. Is there anything else we should know about the brand? Or anything you'd want to see in the next release? Thanks for the feedback if you feel like sharing your experience we would love your feedback in the form of an amazon review (not even sure you need to shill the review part)
* Don't release products to quickly, give the cusomter time to breath
* Don't pay influencers to talk about your product, trust is not passed. But if its good and they like it you can use their reach
* Don't try to move customers from one platform to another, just go where they already are
* Similarweb.com to find websites and blogs that are impactful. Can enter a big influencer website and get similar
* Always give before you ask, easiest way is to give money
* What can you offer? Quote them, reference them, offer to share their content or email their content to your list. Ask if you can feature them in your audience. Can we send our product to 25 of your people on us?
* Influencer is good if they are a genuine and excited user
* Influenceer world into your world via email list
* When a influencer talks about you, make sure to make them look good. Interact with the comments, thank them pubicly, send care package to them. Also screen shot it so it can possibly become a future add


12 Months to 1 Million

* 5 Elements, Fire, Earth, Metal, Water, Wood
* 5 Animals, Tortoise, bird, dragon, tiger, snake
* The command position should allow you to see someone entering via the door of the room, (ideally have your back to a wall), and not interup the flow of energy which would move through the path of various openings like doors or windows to other doors or windows
* A home should be structurally sound and feel safe, a nieghtborhood should have greenery and parks, and should have acccessability to places you need from a current to short term outlook as opposed to long term anticipation fo needs
* Main entrance (should have lots of light and energy, should lead to public not private area of the house)
* Use mirrors on a side wall to give a sense of width, never place on end wall facing door
* Focal point oat the end of the room with a long entrance
* For small living rooms, add large object that don't take up floor space, think big lighting or artwork
* Opt for bright even lighting in your office unlike the rest of the home
* Ideally your office should not have your back to the door, but if you do mirror so you can see people entering is good. 
* Avoid having exercise area, TV, desk in bedroom, if you must try to divide the space
* If bedroom is to big, make various spaces within using rugs and furniture
* Do not point your feet directly towarsd the main door of the room and ideally not facing a window as well
* Natural light in the bathroom is ideal, otherwise lighter colors
* ****Styling, you house mostly needs to look good walking in from the main entrence, this 1 angle. Can apply a similar logic walking into each room from its main door
* Key item in a room to anchor it, generally the main peice of furniture
* Elements in a room on the side should unify across a line of height, shelves and table height should be the same as opposed to lots of things at various heights
* Clutter is when stuff loses focus and starts to take over the space
* Categorise everything in storage logically
* Finding you taste for a room can be as simple as listing all you love and hate about a room and then removing all you hate from the pysical room
* Lighting involves being intentional with shadows and light to make something feel a certain way, not necessarily just making the room as bright as possible
* All bulbs in a room should be the ame yellowness
* Higher activity areas should have more light than lower activity areas
* Recommended lighting in 3 of 4 corners of a room
* White is not a default neutral colour, instead a mid-grey
* Keep colors tones consisten across rooms. Consider warm and cool colors and rooms purpose and feel
* ***Less saturated colour, the calmer and more muted it feels. Typically lower saturation is better, instead of yellow go for a tan or sand, instead of bright red go for terracotta 
* Wall art should be genuine emotionally evoking for you for some reason, not just a random peice of art from Ikea
* Clocks evoke haste, precision and awareness. Don't put in bedroom or dining room
* To make a low ceiling feel higher, use low furniture and tall artwork
* Family photos should be positioned so it feels like they're here with you in terms of height. 
* Cuttings, postcards and sticky notes should be on a corkboard otherwise are clutter
* Small display objects should be grouped in cluters for presence. Larger tings can stand alone or pair 
* Eye level height typically
* To make a room feel bigger use bigger artwork (doesn't take up space but give impression of scale)
* Use plants ot hide sharp corners in a wall, to soften windows wtih too much light, 
* 


Feng Shui Modern

* Generally the goal is to make more money which means you want your business to be more profitable rather than necessariily bigger
* Inconsistent cashflow can make planning and spening as an entrapenuer difficult and you can easily not allocate funds for specific things or misappropriate said funds and justify it in your head
* Business should focus on things that improve profit and don't increase operating expenses, do more of what you do best, don't spread yourself thin over many many different areas you aren't as competent in, also can decrease day to day enjoyment as you find yourself doing what you think people want rather than what you want (gutter cleaner, starts adding other things like replacing wood or shingles which requires more know how and tools to buy and maintain rather than doubling down on what they do best)
* You can't become efficient in a crisis
* Looking at one big bank account with out sub allocations to various ideas / needs is bad and misleading with regards to what kind of cash you have for what
* Look at and understand your 3 key reports, income statement, cash flow statement and balance sheet
* 4 core principles of profit first: use small plates (divide up into 5 accounts, owners comp, tax, income, profit and opex), serve sequentially (only pay bills from opex, if you can't afford them don't steal from other accounts, instead delete expesnses), remove temptation (make profit and taxes hard to access and in a seperate bank account), enforce a rhyth (twice a month allocate from income to various other accounts and pay bills),
* When you have less you are forced to be more efficient and do more with less. 
* Instant assessment (pg 61) the tldr is find out where your money is going and what its like relative to business of similar revenue (see chart on pg 68)
* Based on target vs actuals, add to title of vairous accounts the actual and desired goal % for each account
* Changes to the tweaking of account percentages should be slow like 1% every quarter kind of slow to each of tax, profit and owners comp and -3% from operating expenses (this is beacsue its better to go slow rather than fast up and then have to back track)
* Owners comp is the money you pay to the owner as a salary for day to day living expenses (what a reasonable salary would be in industry for what you find yourself doing 80% of the time). This is in contrast to profit which a combination of emergency fund and basically a quarterly bonus
* Under 250k you are the only employee but under 500k you might not just be the only employee but you should still be doing 90% of the work. Don't fall into the trap of hiring to much and you as the owner slacking on the day to day. 10% of the time should be making systems to help contractors or other employees
* Your taxes should be payed for by your business
* Inform your CPA and book keeper about the system you're using (if they refuse ask how many of thier business client are consistently profitable)
* CAP is current allocated percentage, TAP is target allocation percentage. Generally TAPs are lower the % of operating expenses, and increase everything else
* Cut expenses, think do we really need this, if we determined it wouldn't help our profits by the end of the year don't buy it
* For Owners comp, only take what you need to pay yourself, let the rest accumulate (determined earlier based on industry of you 80% of the time work)
* Take quaterly profit distributions to all owners based on % of owning. Only take 1/2 of the profit account as the other half serves as an emergency fund
* Celebrate and enjoy life with the profit
* Every quarter also you should pay quarterly tax estimates
* Debt freeze, stop any recuring payments, get monthly expenses down to 10% or lower by whatever means necessary
* 99% profit allocation to wipe debt and 1% to celebrate (still important)
* Debt snowball, pay off smallest  first, the next smallest (works well with human psycology)
* Weight loss is hard because once the of being fat is gone people loose motivation to maintain the new lifestyle
* To avoid short sighted behavior, look at 12 month rolling averages to estimate things like income, and compare this month to the same month in the prior year
* Don't look at a good month and say this is my new normal
* Salary raises if sustainable on the 12 month moving average and based on potential accumulation in owners comp account (take into account bad months to draw on reserves for your salary from this account)
* (mainly get all expenses, mark everything with a P generates profit, R necessary but can be replaced with a less expensive alternative, U for unecessary -> cut until your target), pg 121, instructions for cutting expenses 
* For employees, evaluate whether their role is mandatory for operations
* When doing layoffs, explain the reaons, providie support taht you can afford such as resume circulation or severance. Once each person is laid off call a staff meeting and share what you did and why. Take responsibilit for the issue and fixing it and you are now stable. 
* Never ask people to take a pay cut. This causes emotional awfulness and moral hits. Also everyone looses confidence in your company and the unspoken agreement that their salary won't be touched. You also have your best talent looking to jump ship soon after usually
* No automatic with drawls (seems extreme), notify vendors, new card with no transfers of payment processing (tell bank), thus you know exactly whats on your new account rather than not knowing or forgetting
* See if you can wait one more day for soemthing you need or want,, tis a good litmis tests
* Call and ask vendors for discounts
* Make the game of winning based on efficiency, frugality and innovation not size, flair, looks
* Focus on one aspect of your business that best benefits your customer. Challenge yourself to figure out how to get 2 times the results for half the effort
* Get rid of your weakest clients (but be nice about it), weakest clients take just as much time and resources as the best ones but are a massive drain on resources and time to help them and deal with their complaint. Its not worth it financially or time wise
* Get rid of your bad clients who only want your least profitable products and services
* Advanced Techniques: read but don't iimplement until at least 2 quarters of activity with basic
* The Valut Account: panic 3 month reserve of expenses
* Stoking: For gathering stock in advance
* Pass Through: for reimbursement
* Materials: Reimbursement of materials, sub contractor/commision: reimbursement of subcontractors
* Emplyee Payroll: duh
* Equipment: high end equipment saving
* Drip: Distribute large upfront payment overtime (lets say they pay for a year all at once, you make it distribute monthly to income in the correct increments)
* Petty Cash: lunches and gifts
* Prepayment: to grab prepayment discounts
* Sales Tax: If you collect sales tax
* Document processes
* Calculate target revenue amount for take home
* Can you afford a new employee. For each full time emplyee your company should generate Real Revenue of $150,000 to $250,000
* Lock in lifestyle: always look for free option, never buy new when you can buy used, never pay full price if possible, negotiate and seek alternatives, delay major purchases until you have written down 10 alternatives
* Can teach to children too with this acounting system vs their allowance (pg 175)
* 
* 
* 


Profit First

* Chapter 1: in this age the ability to test, launch and scale is fast and cheap
* Chapter 1: only need 3 things to start, product or service, a group of peaopl willing to pay and a way to get paid, everything else is optional
* Chapter 1: convergence / overlapp between what you like doing and what people are willing to pay for
* Chapter 1: typically projects can happen via adjacent skill knowledge
* Chapter 1: Merge Passion and skill with something that useful to others
* Chapter 1: Not about being the best - Diller comic. Minor Art, minor wrighting, minor humor, minor business experience
* Chapter 2: Value means helping people
* Chapter 2: give people what they really want, not what they think they want
* Chapter 2: Notice market inefficiency and when you want something that doesn't exisf
* Chapter 2: New Market or opportunity with a change in tech or economy
* Chapter 2: Market a core benefit not a list of features (think emotional needs)
* Chapter 2: Focus on adding (money, love, attention) or subtracting (stress, anxiety, debt)
* Chapter 3: Businesses provide good solutions to problems
* Chapter 3: Consider business models related to your current passion or hobbies
* Chapter 3: You can establish a specialized consulting business in a day, the mroe specific the better
* Chapter 3: Lots of people are interested in something but have a hard time implementing in daily lives (paleo diet planning)
* Chapter 4: You can roam as a business owner nowadays (Make sure its what you want)
* Chapter 5: Whoare you people (not necessarily age or race but posisbly shared beliefs and values)
* Chapter 5: Invitation marketing over persuasion marketing
* Chapter 5: You can often follow a fad, craze or trend by being an authority and simplifying something about a process that others hope to benefit from 
* Chapter 5: Use short surveys to understand cutsomer prospects, the more specific the better ( ask what is the number one thing I can do for you, whats your biggest problem with x, whats the number one question you have about x, what can I do to help you with x)
* Chapter 5: Decision making matrix (88 pg. Impact, Effort, Profitablity, vision,)
* Chapter 6: Bias towards action, first sale as soon as possible
* Chapter 6: 7 steps to instant market testing (pg. 96)
* Chapter 6: One page business plan (pg. 102)
* Chapter 6: Missions statement in 140 characters (pg. 105)
* Chapter 7: Connect your offer to direct beneifts customers will receive, clear value proposition, (What they want and what they say they wwant aren't always the same thing)
* Chapter 7: Think about their potential objections in advance
* Chapter 7: You can make a business model around market inefficiencies (Priceline.com for a third party hotel booking) or lack of transparency (levels.fyi)
* Chapter 7: Urgency, why should people act now
* Chapter 7: pg 121, list of FAQ stuff
* Chapter 7: Offer reassurance and acknowledgement immediately after someone buys something or hires you. Find a small but meaningful way to go above and beyond expectations
* Chapter 8: A good launch features at least a few announcements before hand (built through regular communication with customers, pg 131/132)
* Chapter 8: Has both strategy (the why, story, offer, long term plan) and tactics (the how, timing, price, pitch)
* Chapter 8: Admitting to flaws makes you seem less scammy
* Chapter 8: Ask for everything from everyone (news paper, blogs, TV spots, donnations, endorsements) and you'll be suprised what you get
* Chapter 8: Tell a good story and make sure the why now part is answered
* Chapter 8: 39 step launch checklist model
* Chapter 9: Default 50% creating 50% connecting for business time
* Chapter 9: If you build it they might come, but you probably need to let them know what you built and how to get there
* Chapter 9: When you get started, say yes to ever reasonable request. Become more selective (consider the hell yes test) as you become more established
* Chapter 9: After making someting worth talking about, make a list of 50 people (friends, former colleagues, aquaintances), send a quick note on the thing you're doing (pg. 151) then ask for a few minor action points if they'd like to help and if they'd be interested to sign up for a mailing list or to let others know about the project
* Chapter 9: Strategic Giving marketing, upgrade peoples shipping randomly or add an extra serving of the order or include a bonus etc to suprise people for the better. Conact bloggers and influencers and give them free stuff of yours
* Chapter 9: One page promotion plan, to regulalry connect with customers (pg. 159)
* Chapter 10: Primary Goal is to get money, think about cashflow
* Chapter 10: Spend money on things that increase customer relationships or increase sales, 
* Chapter 10: debt is optional
* Chapter 10: Price your product based on its value relative to the problem not your cost of production, offer a limited range of product (3 - 5), Get paid more than once for the same thing (Continuity, membership, subscription, free of low cost trial, make it easy to cancel and advertise this)
* Chapter 10: Get creative about getting what you need (Money, access to help, etc)
* Chapter 11: Increase conversions, use prospects list and A/B testing for conversions
* Chapter 11: Upsell, would you like fries with that, cross sell, customers who purchase your x also purchased y, sale after sale, special offer only for customer who bought today
* Chapter 11: Increasing existing income is usually easier than starting a new business
* Chapter 11: Encourage Refferals
* Chapter 11: Product to service or service to product, if product make a teaching version or consulting version. If service make a lowerend productized or do it yourself guide kind of thing or theme or template
* Chapter 11: By being careful you can grow without dramatically increasing workload to scale without hiring
* Chapter 11: Easy growth, adding a service to a product based business or vice versa, deplyying a creative series of upsells and cross sells or making a few key tweaks
* Chapter 11: Horizontal expansion - serve more customers with different but related interests. Vertical expansion - go deeper by serving the same customers with different levels of need
* Chapter 12: By leveraging skills and contacts, you can do more. Affiliate recruitment (make it a good affiliate program like 51% of cost back to them), partnerships, outsourcing
* Chapter 12: hub and spoke model to maintain one online home base and other outposts to diversify
* Chapter 12: outsourcing should be based on you preferences and the business you're building. Do whats best for you, feel free not outsource
* Chapter 12: Carefully chosen partnerships can be good. Just make sure its what you want to do. One page partnership agreement (pg. 211)
* Chapter 13: The road of freedom has variety (multiple businesses, selling businesses, working part time at traditional, part time on your own thing)
* Chapter 13: You can try to scale or stay small or something in between all is good just depends on what you want
* Chapter 13: Going really long (ie selling the company), you need to have a system that can operate without your specific unique set of skills as a linchpin. Needs to be Teachable and Valuble. CPA ia valuble but not quickly teachable, bussing tables is teachable but not very valuble 
* Chapter 13: Regulalry monitor one or two key metrics that are important (sales, cash flow, incoming leads, average order price). Check up on others monthly or bimonthly
* Chapter 13: Work on your business every day (improvements, business developement to grow, offer development, fixing long standing problems, pricing review, customer communication initiating via newsletters and updates), not just maintenence of the day to day
* Chapter 14: Advice is hepful but don't be afraid to take leap, Don't wait for someone to give you permission
* Chapter 14: More than competition or external factors, the biggest battle is against your own fear and inertia. Thankfully you can controll and manage this
* Chapter 14: When you have a success or moment you knew story, hold onto it, the experience is powerful and can help in hard times
* Chapter 14: Don't waste your time living someone elses life


The $100 Startup

The Lazy DM's Companion

* Grow via more customers, increase avg purchase value, get them to buy more times
* Make your offer value driven rather than a thing available in many places thus comparable by price rather than a category of its own
* Normal market at least but ideally a starving market built on appeal to health, wealth or relationship
* Consider pain, purchasing power, easy to target and growing when choosing a market
* Starving Crowd (market) > Offer Strength > Persuasion Skills
* Commit to a Niche (don't change all the time) (also you can charge exponentially more the more specific you are because the amount of people who offer generic are high but specific is scarce)
* Increase the value they're getting relative to price but never lower price (terrible decision usually) raise our prices only after we have sufficiently increased our value
* For price to go up increase your clients emotional investment, preceived value, results, revenue for fulfillment per customer and decrease emandingeness, for your business changes for price to go up incrase, profit, perceived value of self, peerception of impact (restulst), service levels, sales team conviction
* Be so much higher the customer thinks their has to be something special going on and the sting of the cost will make them pay attention
* If you offer a service where a cusomter must do something in order to achieve a result get them invested first
* You Product Must Deliver
* We are able to charge a premium because we provided more value than anyone else in the industry. Really we're still charging a fraction of what our cients made using our system, this is important the client still got a great deal
* (dream outcome * perceived likelihood of achievement) / (time delay * effort and sacrifice) = value
* of above, increase the first 2 and decrease the second 2 for a win in your process (don't have to be the best at all of them but just quite good at a few)
* Perception is reality so if you can make a process that feels different in terms of time delay or sacrifice thats basically as good as just improving it tbh
* Try and talk in terms of increasing their status (wen writing copy you can make it more powerful by talking in terms of how other people will perceive the prospect's achievement)
* For lowering time delay, add milestones and get them some fast wins (asap ideally) to gain emotional momentum and confirmation you aren't full of sh*t, the faster and more clearly you can demonstrate benefits the more valuable your service is
* Fast Beats Free
* Sacrifices can be both tangibe and intangible -> think exercise and eating vs liposuction or meditation vs Xanax (in terms of the value equation)
* Free Goodwill
* Ideally use a divergent thought process, many answers to a single problem
* Steps to grand slam offer -> identify dream outcome -> list all problem make a few solutions for every possible problem, such that any client who's worried about some edge case they fall into will know you got them covered
* Generate customers and get demand rolling then add friction with marketing or decide to offer less for the same price
* You may not even have to change your offer but just end up creating systems that create the same value for the customer but cost significanty less resources
* Excel sheet program that when inputing a person profile, spit out all the exercise plan stuff and meals and ingredients as an example of above 1 (100 hours up front but largely automates a process )
* 1 to many solutions are usually like above
* Deliver Cube: for brain storming ways to solve problems: Think across all these dimensions. Number of clients at a time (1 on 1, small group, 1 to many), consumption (audio, video, live, written), Do it your self, do it with them, do it for them, speed and convenience (24/7, 9 - 5, M-F), support (via text, email, call, video chat, phone call), (if I have 10x the money to produce or 1/10 the money to produce how would I change the product to sell it still)
* Scarcity: Ideally you are solving a very unique problem thats a real big deal to the person at hand and as a reulst you're the only option and you can charge a bunch of money
* Scarcity: Publically share you are only giving away X amount of products or can only handle Y new clients
* Scarcity: Fear of loss in stronger than desire for gain
* Scarcity: 3 types, limited supply of seats/slots: in general or over X period of time, Limited Supply of Bonuses, Never available again
* Scarcity: You should always sell out (keep open less spots than you think you can sell), keep pent up demand, also let everyone know you sold out
* Scarcity: Services, total business cap - only accepting X Clients, Growth Rate Cap - Only accepting X clients per week, Cohort Cap - Only accepting X clients per class or cohort
* Scarcity: You can sell very limited 1 on 1 access and set the price extremely high
* Urgency: Only limit when people can sign up rather than how many
* Urgency: Rolling Cohorts, Rolling Seasonal Urgency, Promotional or Pricing, Exploding Opportunity
* Bonuses: A single offer is less valuable than the same offer broken into its component parts and stacked as bonuses. 
* Bonuses: The reason this works is we're increasing the price to value discrepancy by increasing the value delivered instead of cutting the rpice. We anchor the price by telling them the core offer. Then with each inscreasingly valuable bonus, the discrepancy grows wider
* Bonuses: Add bonuses rather than discounts (discounts show the prices is negotiable which is always bad)
* Bonuses: If they say yes, then after they sing up let them know the additional bonuses they're going to get, if they say no, present a bonus that matches the perceived obstacle and then ask again, just agree and add the bonus until they say yes, reciprocity is a bitch
* Bonuses: Tell them, how the bonus related to their issues, what it is, how you discovered it or what you had to do to create it, how it will specifically simrpvoed their lives or make their experince better (MORE STEPS ON 119)
* Bonuses: Create checklists, tools, swipe files, scripts, templates and use those as bonuses. Also record all your seminars, lessons, interviews and also use those as bonuses as well
* Gaurantees: Mitigates risk on the buyers part
* Gaurantees: 4 types, unconditional (money back any time), conditional (terms and conditions then gaurantee), anti-gaurantee (all sales are final), implied gaurantee (performance based offer)
* Gaurantees: If you do not get X result in Y period of time, we will Z
* Gaurantees: No Questions asked refund gaurantee
* Gaurantees: Double or Tripple their money back or a no strings attackhed payment of $X
* Gaurantees: I'll keep working free of charge until X is achieved
* Gaurantees: Give a long period of access free of charge
* Gaurantees: Give them back what they paid but in credit towards another of your products
* Gaurantees: Work one on one free of charge until they achieve X
* Gaurantees: If you do't receive value, we'll reimburse your poduct and your hotel and airfare
* Gaurantees: You offer to pay their hourly rate if they don't find the time valuble (Ask for their tax return if they do ask for payment)
* Gaurantees: Out of the contract free of charge
* Gaurantees: You won't bill them again until they make their first outcome
* Gaurantees: All sales are final (but must have a good reason, like our proprietary design and knowledge system is valuble and cannot be taken back once shown to you)
* Gaurantees: Implied, performance, revshare, profit share, ratches (10% if over x 20% if over y etc), bonuses/triggers:  I get X when Y occurs
* Naming: You can rename to refresh it without actually changing the offer at all
* Naming: Make it a magnetic reason (Free, 88% off, Summer back to school, New Management, Grand opening, Anniversary), announce the avatar (Rolling Hills Moms, Salon Owners), give them a goal (Pain Free, Celerbrity Smile, Never Out Of Breath), indicate a timer interval (AA Minutes, BB Hours, CC Day, DD Weeks), complete with a container word (Challenge, Blueprint, Bootcamp, Intensive, Incubator, Mastercass, Program, Detox, Experience, Acelerator, Fast Track)
* Naming: Use Rhyming or Alliteration
* Naming: When a Offer Fatigues, change creative (imagery), body and copy, headline wrapper, duration, enhancer, monetization structure


$100M Offers

* Movie, should hav ea clear sense of what it's about and who it's for. Logline, Irony/emotional, Compelling mental picture, show tone/audience/cost hinting, A good title that says what it is and is clever in doing so
* 10 Movie types: Monster in the House, Golden Fleece - quest, Out of the Bottle - wish for X, Dude with a Problem - ordinary guy in extrordinary circumstances, Rites of Passage - Coming to terms with life and change, Buddy Love - love story in disguise, Whydunit - audience discovers something about human nature, Fools Triumphant - , Institutionalized - about a group vs a system, Superhero - an extrordinary person in an ordinary world
* Perfect logline - adjective to describe hero, an adjective to describe bad guy and a compelling goal we identify with as huamns
* Also most conflict, longest way to go emotionally and most demographically pleasing
* Primal urge, survival, hunger, sex, protection of loved ones, fear of death
* Tell me about someoen I can identify with, learn from, have a compelling reason to follow, deserves to win, primal stakes
* 15 beats, Opening Image, Theme Stated, Set-up, Catalyst, Debate, Break into Two, Fun and Games, B Story, Midpoint, Bad guys Close In, All Is Lost, Dark Night of the Soul, Break into Three, FInale (See page 95 for ref)
* Make a board with acts 1, 2, 3, 4 as sections and then add cards to each, to represent the 15 beats with +/- to represent the positive of negative out come of the scene and >< to label the conflict in the scene that drives it
* Save the Cat, Make the main Character likable
* Pope in the Pool, make the exposition happen in a weird way / set peice
* Double Mumbo Jumbo, audiences can't handle 2 magic systems in a movie
* Laying Pipe, limit setup for the movie
* Black Vet, don't get to meta or too clever or ironic or punny, stick to the theme / idea. One concept at a time
* Watch out for that glacier - Danger must be present and fast approaching rather than slow
* The covenant of the Arc - every character must change th ecourse of the story, except the bad guys (hero and friends)
* Keep the Press out - no media coverage of the fantastical thing, its emersion breaking
* Hero shouldn't be dragged through the story (ref 146)
* Show don't tell (with regards to plot)
* Make the bad guy badder
* The plot should intensify as it moves ahead
* Use many emotions not just 1
* Flat dialouge is bad - each character should talk in a distinct enough way that you could tell it was them without the name on the page
* Make characters distinct and unique - give them a limp and an eye patch
* Networking, Film festivals, classes, screenwriting groups, become an expert, come to LA, you.com
* 


Save the Cat!

* 4 comm styles content, meta (implications), emotion, status
* Implicatiosn of the way you say something; I'm down, I guess. Implies willingness to conform w/out enthusiasum. Lots of gray in meta for not as severe a reaction as outright disagreement & avoid awkward situations
* Emotional tone, should match context/lead up conversation shifts should be gradual
* Status, never fake it, be aware of it when you're an ooutsider, be a leader, ask the questions, organize the things,do the uncomfortable stuff
* First Impression, convey what makes you interesting & worthknowing. Don't brag or exagerate. Imply interesting things. Reveal attributes/traits that make you valuble to know. 
* Don't be annoying, don't talk about things the other person isn't itnerested in. Don't make bad jokes, look for inconsitent or unexpected reactions to find annoyance
* 50/50 talk to listen ratio unless they're shy. Short 1 word answers imply they don't want to talk. So does never asking questions
* Take context into account, are they seeming more interested to be polite.
* Drop hooks. Stories w/ details. Listener can choose which interests them the most and direct conversation
* Show don't tell w/ stories. Positive light for you but through subtle details
* Elements of a story: Setup - short and concise, locations, characters, emotional cues. Build up - can add more emotional details if people are engaged. Pay off - releave tension & build off, hopefully w/ some sort of revelation
* Have lots of stories - time or topic speaking of or recently I've. Few stories in reserve. Prop up your friends in stories
* Try to make them comfortable; I know not every agrees but I've always thought (shows you're open to disagreement); Watch body language, eye contact, focus
* When bantering, your banter should set them up for a retort or response. If they don't take the bait you can trigger yourself. Like at least it wasn't as bad as that time I ...
* Make eye contact!!!
* Their is a line between stuff you would say to a friend and stranger. Don't be so reserved. Dance aroudnthe line more. Tease strangers or reveal personal things to create a more friend like bond by crossing the line a little
* When speaking in a group try to involve everyone via a topic everyone finds interesting. If someone is unengaged try involving them directly w/ a quesiton
* Humility, its pretty likely you're wrong, admit it when it happens. 
* Be aware of your audience and what they'll find relatable or not braggy/out of the ordinary
* Many shared experiences are more important to how close a friendship is than lots of time spent together
* Consider creating a casual weekly dinner event
* Travel/trips is a quick wayt to become close. Lots of shared experineces quickly. Busy people forced to sit still
* Focus on a few friends. Focus on events that are meaningful. Decline events!!
* Don't be afraid to randomly reconnect w/ someone if you really clicked in the past
* When intimidated, don't compensate low or high just remember yo uneed to offer 1 thing (anything)
* A minute or 2 intot he convo ask for their name again
* Treat everyone well
* Think about common traits held by all your best friends, use as a filter
* Do what you say you will from conversation (no matter how small put in calendar), be really honest, be on time!!!
* Keep harmony, look 3 steps ahead, identify problems, take action to avert or resolve


Superhuman Social Skills

* Look at this doc if you want details notes, as they are to length to put here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Be4-zUoc3LtB4U9MuwrNPsZNa6ggpm8UsZFhEm16bfw/edit?usp=sharing 


Return of the Lazy DM

* Its nice to leverage unthinking work in getting to goals, due to limited will power
* Think very long term with habits (they take a long time to build but pay off forever)
* Consistency is everything, never skip twice, Doing it crappy one day is better than nothing at all
* Plan for Variance, have a concious plan for how you will deal with it or what smaller version you will do when x comes up (travel)
* While building you will need to push through brain lazyness
* Take pride in the process, not the results
* Be honest with current standing relative to goal
* 2 types of people, those who find it easier to add vs those who find it easier to subtract
* Intensity of the habit should match your goals
* Your motivation should be long terms and deep
* Maximizing consistency and minimize intensity
* Don't build habits that can be automated
* Beware of triggers for bad habits (boredom -> eating or socail media). Try and replace habit from trigger
* Habits to try
* - postive re-framing. When ever you have a negative thought, think of one postitive aspect (doesn't need to overwhelm the negative just needs to exist)
* - postivity towards others, give people the benefit of the doubt always. Try to remember they're just like you, trying their best with what they have right now
* - Eat better, (details to be researched in more dept)
* - Exercise better? (details to be researched in more depth) but he said 3 days a week. Deadlift, pullups, rows. bench, inclined bench, curls. squat, straight leg deadlift, cable crunches. Deadlifts of both kinds are 2 sets of 4 - 6. Pull ups are 3 sets of 4 - 6, everything else is 3 sets of 8 - 12. Couple warm up sets at 50%, then 75%. Then 100% of max. Then drop weight by 10% and same number of reps plus 1. until now more sets. If you hit the maximum in the range the previous week, increase weight by 5 - 10 pounds and reset at the bottom of the range. 
* - Push out of your comfort zone, if you aren't doing something because you're scared/nervous do it anyways (in fact that should be your trigger)
* - Get rid of stuff you haven't used in a year
* - When you want to quit, keep going until the 3rd time, then quit to avoid burn out and regulate yourself
* - Plan when stuck (start at the beginning of tasks or the end of the goal achieved and brain dump tasks on either end)


Superhuman By Habit

* Each character should have their own agenda, most of which conflict, dialogue should ahve purpose akin to action
* Dialouge should reveal character background(education,, religion, region etc), reveal tone, action, character dynamic or story information
* Exercise: watch TV commercials with no volume and improve the dialouge
* Up the tension, via agenda's barriers, feats, arguments
* Exercise: For characters: make a list of characters with 2 lines descriptions, make sure descriptions are sufficiently different from one another, give each one a quirk which is irritating to at least 2 other characters, write a few practice scenes pairing 2 up at random. 
* Subtext can be character doesn't know or reader doesn't know, can hint at, secrets, past relationships, rich backstory, socking experiences, vivid memmories, fears, hopes, yearnings
* Composition, cut fluff from sentences
* To slow pace, increase description between dialogue and decrease white space
* To Speed up pace, decrease descriptions btween dialog and increase white space
* No cursing, use context and actions to convey
* Write a paragraph of your characters stating their world view/theme and then turn the contrasting themes between characters into dialouge
* Quirky, memorable, light talk/comic relief in drama can be pleasing as it lightens the mood a little


How to Write Dazzling Dialogue

* For motivation, think about your intrinsic and extrinsic why. How can you make yourself believe you're not there YET
* SAAD: Spaced Repition, Active Recall, Associations, Desirable Difficulty
* Spaced Repition: We forget things exponentially over time but we can decrease/reset the exponentiated rate by slowly increasing the interval at which we go back and study the thing
* Active Recall: Don't just re-read stuff. Test yourself to see if you can recall it actively. Without looking
* Associations: Humans remember things by assocaition, as a result associate things you want to remember with a visual and/or verbal cue, or a story/process
* Desirable Difficulty: We don't learn if we don't push ourselves (but don't push to hard)
* Mini Essay Structure: PEEL. Point: introduce the topic in one clear sentnece, Evidence: Support with examples, fact, stats, quotes. Explanation: Show your understaning of how your evidence supprots your point. Link: Link how the evidence is relevant to the question. 
* When thinking about how to study, think about what you need to be able to do. Understand a process? Reacall facts? Analyse and user techniques? (Choose your revision technique accordingly, practice test, effective flashcards, blurting, etc)
* Productivity Tips: Schedule breaks, Don't miss twice, Don't be to vauge, don't be to ridgid, have some hedging / downtime between, wee underestimate the time it will take to do things. 
* Productivity is just spending your time well, ie soemthing you enjoy (can be TV or video games). Minmize the thing you don't enjoy
* Productivity = ( Output / Time ) x Focus x Forethought x Fun
* Focus on doing good focused work over looking/feeling busy (Reflect and be honest with self)
* Try monthly goals / priorities? (Week by week checklist of activies that will further goals). 
* Better todo lists -> bain dump all tasks, prioritize tasks (write with specifics, and how long they will take and due dates), then slot into calendar
* You associate spaces with activities. So spaces should have purposes in your life and they shouldn't intermingle optimally
* Perfectionism and Failure: How do you react to failure? Write out the cognitive model for thoughts and feelings and actions after getting something wrong, How owuld you ideally like to react to embrace failure positively
* Whats the most productve 20% that you could do to get 80%. How can you optimise? What are you sacrificing for the last 20% and IS it worth it
* Be wary of what you sacrifce for prefecsionism and whether or not its worth it
* Check in with yourself, how are you doing really? Talkt to others about feelings, take some rest, take some play / activities to recharge
* More feelings when I journal, also more explicit gratuity would probably be good for me
* Try positive visualization sometime?
* When stuck on a problem, blurt out all you can think about for related topics to see if that context or concepts can help you get unstuck


The Only Study Guide You'll Ever Need

* You trade life energy for money via work
* Their are probably things in your life you only want or need becasue of work like commuting, special relaxation and vactions, clothes for work alone etc so these should count against you hourly wage in terms of life energy/time and you can optimise some of these away with different career choices
* Marketing theory states, people are motivated by fear, the promise of exclusivity, guilt, greed and the need for approval and psycologically all products use this
* The money you spend / time you spend should reflect your values in porportion (more valued by you, you should be spending more money on it relative to things you value less in your budget)
* Stop trying to impress others using money as status
* Repair instead of replacing (gain skills in the process)
* Don't get a new one if you have one that works fine, if excessive tinkering/inconveience or upgrading actually has a fundamental change on the quality of the action performed you can replace (not new dishes, yes to new mouse or chair)
* Ask could I do this myself, how long would it take to learn, would it be useful to know in the future
* Decide what features are important to you when buying something (durability, value, price, etc)
* Meet your need differently, ex rest can look like food, shopping, walking, caffine, exercise, video games. Recognize that you have choices and recognize what you're really after
* How much money do you need for fullfillment, are you getting it, are you working for more money than you need, is that money providing you value by fullfilling your values, if not would you work for less and do other stuff instead, 
* Voluntarily reducing income might actually lead to more free time, less stress and a better balance
* Value relationships and build a community, thus airport rides, meals when sick, leveraging someone elses expertise like cars or tech, and this all applies from you to them and them to you. Good community building and savings $
* Investing checklist, is it in line with my values, is it within risk tolerance, does it help me diversify, does this provide for my income needs (now and future), how easily can I liquidate, what sales penalities will I incur if I liquidate, what are the vairous tax implications (state, federal, local)
* Summary of steps of program, 
* make peace with your past (find out total earnings over life and total current assets and liabilities)
* track life energy what are you spending you money / time on
* monthly tabulation what are you spending your money on
* ask for all purchases, did I recieve fulfilllment in proportion to life energy spent, is the expenditure in alignment with my values, how would this change if I didn't work for money
* Wall Chart
* Minimize spending
* Maximize income/energy ratio
* Invest for FI


Your Money or Your Life

* Engineer thinking is for more linear problems with defined goals, design thinking is less linear for more abstract problems. Life is a design problem
* Designer thinking: Be curious, try stuff, reframe problems, know its a process, ask for help
* Passion is a result not a think that causes action
* Make sure you're working on the right problem. Often life is relegated to a +- situation of more x and less y which is a vast over simplification
* If its not actionable its not a problem, thats just the way things are. Like complaining about gravity or our society, don't fight reality
* Element of life, health, work, play, love
* What is work for? WHy do you do it? What makes good work? What give life meaning or value? Relevance of family, community, the world? Fame, money accomplishments? Experience, growth?
* Who are you? What do you believe? What you are doing?
* Reframe: I should know where I'm going! -> I won't always know where I'm going --- but I can always know whether I'm going in the right direction
* Reframe: Work is not suppose to be enjoyable -> enjoyment is a guide to finding the righ work for you
* Min max work life, Reflect on detailed activities, how engaging, energizing fun, flow state are they
* Have lots of ideas to problems. Some should be silly/stupid/unrealistic. Jusdgment is the enemy of creativity. 
* Don't make a doable problem an Anchor problemm by marrying yourself to a solution.
* Know your true problem, have lots of alternate solutions
* Prototype small and a lot to remove fear
* Prototypes should, ask questions, give you data, isolate 1 aspect of a problem, design an experience that let you 'try out' some version of the thing
* Think how can I sample/prototype this? Bug bounties for web3, cold calls and free websites for friends. Tutoring? TAing?
* Tell me your story rather than an interview. Refferal and mention refferals when talking to the next guy also helps
* Talk to people who do your dream job as prototyping
* Questions shoudn't be leading, shoun't be to vauge for brainstorming
* Remember to categorize and then vote and then prioritizie prototypes and ideas for prototyping 
* Internet job descriptions: not written by a dev, frist part is vauge/generic bs, second part is hyper specific qualitifcation of previous or adjacent person. Thirs part is generally concerning qualifiers
* Rewrite resume using same words as job posting, for their key word search. Especially specific required skills, focus on job description in resume and interview (other skills can be highlit further down the line)
* Unrealistic job expectations can be found via, # of people already interviewed > 8 or # weeks open > 4 - 6
* When tring to get into a really prestegious company, person on the inside helps, (can find via prototype convos)
* Do prototype interviews when unemployed which will lead to jobs via, 'The more I earn about XYZ and teh more people I meet here the more fascinating it becomes. I wonder, what steps would be involved in exploring how someone like me might become a part of this organization'
* Rather than looking for a job, pursue a number of offers, mindset shift from yes or no on a job you don't know much about to curiosity about what interesting offers you might find from said organization
* Choose happiness, gather and create, narrow down, choose, let go and move on
* Humans can only deal w/ 3 -5 options. To many options = no options
* Narrow, cross off stuff on the list. The effect where the act of choosing shows a preference for the other options
* EQ, integrates your gut feelings and emotions more into the decisions process
* Try spending a few days thinking as if you chose the decision and see how you feel
* Reversability of a choice makes us less happy w/ our choice, so does many unexplored options. When in doubt let go and move on
* To let go and move on, focus on follow up actions for the alternative that you actually chose
* Failure Immunity, bias to action, failing fast, clarity on learning from failure. Also life is a process/ infinite game
* Failure types. Screwups -> accident, usually do it right. Apologize and move on. Weakness -> failure that inherent to you, avoid situations that cause and train/plan to minimize negative impacts. Growth Opprotunities -> something you can fix fundamentally and not make the same mistake again in the future
* Advice - what someone else would do. Be careful with this and undersatnd their context relative to yours. Consult - someone helping you clarify your own thoughts and feelings usually via summerizing your words
* 
* 


Designing Your Life

* Theirs a large gap between the number of college educated women and men in the US, far more women then men are going to college now-adays
* Hookup culture when way more men and settling down culture where more women
* Affecting religions like mormanism and jewdaism too
* Mormanism because missions are alienating men, causing the ratio to get out of wack
* Jewdaism becuase older men are looking to marry younger women and are waiting longer such that older women are out of the dating pool but young women are being taken by older men
* But not amongs the type of jews where they are only marrying those their own age
* Ultimatums work because they create artificial scarcity
* Really attractive women don't get approacehd very often because most men feel as if their odds are bad because they're competing with every other precieved male in the room all at once
* Solutions include, thinking of gender ratio of your city, college and profession. Also white collar women marrying blue collar men
* Longer broader solutions mean getting more men into college (because most women who are college educated want a college educated man but their just aren't as many). The solution here may be holding men back a year in school to make up for slower brain development/maturity


Date-onomics

* Life is dynamic and ever changing -> your habits hosuld adapt rather than being ridgid for this idea
* Easy to be unhappy when trading freedom for results likew ith dieting
* Flexibility allows, improvisation, more opprotunity for awareness, allocate resources better for you and freedom
* Goal sizes have different pro's/con's ease, active reset, motivation, fulfillment, progression etc. Switching between is more ideal than sticking to one
* Motivation, attainability (is easy/possible at all), respecability (pride), value (lesss harm or more reward)
* Habits should have 9 point grid, 3 habits (for variety/lateral) each with 3 levels of difficults (vertical)
* Goals should be adjusted up and down differently overtime as you get better
* Strategy over tactics, why you do over what you do (especially when mimicing others)
* Systems should consider choice paralysis and decision fatigue and excitement of variability
* By tracking you self correct. If you miss any days -> mini is to hard
* Modular habits where mini is done always and then plus is actually the mini activity plus another activity or iteration and elitie is mini, plus and another element
* Habit Pools: Pool of equally difficult habits, any 1 is mini, any 2 is plus any 3 is elite
* Over coming resistance -> first have you chosen one objective to pursue, second is the action simplified to a mechanical starting point that you can do, third -> you have to start and continue
* Be careful when increasing mini habits, they should always be incredibily easy


Elastic Habits

* Abortion reduces crime
* Interesting idea, realestate agents sell their own homes for more on average because the extra effort for a slightly better offer for you they only see 1% of from their comission while you see a much larger % so they just want you to take the first reasonable offer rather than holding out for the best offer
* Conventional wisdom is generally bad, Look at incentives, dramatic effects tend to have distant or subtle causes, experts use their informational advantages for their own game, knowing what to measure and how to measure is powerful
* Incentives can be Moral, Economic or Social -> be careful when changing out one for another
* Anyone will cheat given the right incentive
* The who you buy something from or the context in which you buy influences what you see as a fair price. 
* KKK, thwarted by having their secret information exposed through Superman Radio show, causing members to loose faith and specialness and potentially the respect of their children. 
* Information asymmetry being the cause of issues like mechanics over charging or doctors over charging and such. Car salesman. But internet combats this a bit by closing the asymmetry of information 
* Fear that motivates actions known by those with info asymmetry 
* We are more afraid of things that are out of our control even if they are less likely
* Parenting is about things you are over things you do. Also genetics play a large role


Freakonomics

* 1% errors and 1% improvements compound and do a lot of impact over time. Habits should aim for consistent 1% minor improvements constantly
* Beware of lagging indicators and disappointment as a result 
* Results in terms of metrics don't happen until they do all at once. Ice cute heated from 25 -> 31 and then 32. Exercising consistently and then one day muscle up. Be patient 
* Forget about goals, focus on systems (how you pratcie, how often you practice, recruit people, test your product, get feedback from users or mentors, how you break down problems)
* Don't change results, change the system (cleaning a messy room vs solving why it was messy)
* Goals are an issue, because subconsciously its a I will be happy when I have x. Vs happy as the process is constantly going. 
* Trying to change the wrong thing for trying to make habits. 
* Trying to change results, system, identity. 
* Identity is better than results. Who do you want to become. (I am x vs im trying to x like quite smoking)
* Must change identity and belief about self. Pride on identity is good
* Beware of identity in the negative. I'm always late, bad at math, etc. This is bad
* Identity comes from -> consistentcy of habits which give you evidence. 
* Who do you want to be. Start with results and work backwards. I want to loose weight -> what kind of person would be able to do that -> how can I become that type of person. 
* Habits, queu, craving,  response, reward. Repeated until is automatic and without thought and it becomes a habit 
* 4 habit laws creating habits, cue -> make it obvious, craving -> make it attractive, response -> make it easy, reward -> make it satisfying
* Breaking habits (inversion of above), cue -> make it invisible, craving -> make it ugly, response -> make it hard, reward -> make it unsatisfying
* To break habits we need to make it more concious first, point and call system (is good and neat)
* Making a plan about when and where to act (most common cue), less wishy washy
* Didero Affect -> decide what to do next based on what you just did, spiral of affect. Habit stacking (pair new habit with current habit -> right after current habit)
* Make queues visually obvious in your environment to get you to change your actions.
* One space one use, room is a queue for certain kind of action
* People with best self controll create environments where you don't need to use it. 
* (Vietnam heroin users stopped when they came home because environment changed)
* Dopamine comes from the anticipation of a reward, not its fufillment
* Temptation bundling -> tie something you want to do to something you need to do (can only watch TV while biking). Or (I can only surf FB after doing 10 burpies. I will do 10 burpies and then I will surf FB)
* We imitate and conform to social groups around us (in particular gruops being the close, the many and the powerful)
* Join culture where people are similar to you and everyone does the thing you want to do
* People mostly want to be wrong with a group rather than right alone
* Surface level craving, underlying desire
* Word and mindset shift 'I have to', 'I get to'. Reframe habits to highlight their benefits. Exercise not I have to got for a run, but its time to build endurance and get fast
* You have to actually do the thing, rather than just researching it or preparing to do the thing
* Frequency is what's important not time
* When starting a habit, make it easy (so easy that you can do it even when you don't want to). 50 pushups vs 5 pushups
* Remove points of friction from your environment. Make an environment where doing the right thing is as easy as possible. (Have a exercise equipment in home with easy setup to reduce the effort of going to a gym). Also works in reverse, remove batteries from remote, delete social media apps. 
* Chunk down problems into easier tasks. Waking up early. Electronics off at 10 pm, in bed by 10 pm, wake up at 6 am 
* Commitment device, controlling future action by current action. Set automatic do not disturb time. 
* 1 time investment that pays again and again. Automate things ->
* Set automatic investing.
* Make it satisfying, flavor on gum vs non flavored. Satisfying foamy soap vs not.  
* Immediate satisfaction, not delayed. 
* Satisfaction through looking at visual progress. Marbles from one jar into another
* Never miss habit twice in a row. Missing once is okay. 
* Make sure you're measuring the right thing and not over optimizing for what you measure
* Inversion of 4th law. Make bad things unsatisfying. (Should be immediate) black and white for tiktoks
* Lean into your innate skills and physical advantages and background so far and personality, when choosing habits.
* Exploritory phase, with occasional re exploratory. Use the 80% on normal and 20% on exploratory. 
* Combine skills that you are good but not great at to do the best. Delbert comic artist was good at drawing and good at being funny but great at neither. 
* Task should be just on the edge if current abilities. 
* You have to do it even when its boring sometimes. 
* System for reflection and review of habits
* Building habits should be gradual -> think smallest and easiest version or peice to start and then bigger and bigger to where you want it to be


Atomic Habits

* Mirroring: trust me we're alike vibe. Done via copying body language. With words repeat the last or cirical 1 - 3 words they said. People tend to elaborate. Disagree without being disagreeable
* Change approach based on new evidence. Never assume you have all the info
* Listen intently and slowly
* Your voice should be slow, low and calm, late night FM DJ. Downward inflection is definitive and upward is leading
* Influence emotion to influence logic (humans are irrational)
* Loss aversion after some gain
* Emotions motivate action (fear or desire) by labeling we show we understand others emotion: Say it seems like, it sounds like, it looks like then how you think they're feeling. Label both positive and negative emotions and anger. Then offer solution of suggestion. Emotions seem less frightening when labeled
* Don't say I, sit back and listen. 
* Tactical empathy, think and understand their emotions and situations and recognize it out loud, this relaxes people and assessses what they want
* Silence for a few seconds to pressure answers
* Start with I'm sorry
* Ask how questions
* Don't be in a hurry
* If they aren't listening force a no by mislabeling an emotion
* Email follow up with have you given up on this project? to always get an answer
* Don't try to get only yes's some will be fake because you're being annoying
* Start with No, let them say no to relax and make them feel like their in control
* Accusation audit, list all the terrible things they could say about you. Label their fears and ask for input
* Behavioral change. Stairway model, active listening, empathy, influence, behavioral change
* Summarize and empathize and label and mirror until they say that's right. You're right is bad because they're bothered and want you to shut up
* Get at the why of what they want to see if its actually conflicts and if their is a win win scenario
* Don't compromise, everyone leaves feeling like they lost
* One parties deadlines apply to both parties, negotiation is over when its over
* Stay calm under deadline pressure, consequences are almost never as bad as you imagine
* I just want what fair, puts subconscious pressure on someone, response for u, I apologize, lets go back to where this felt unfair and talk about it
* We've given you a fair offer,  response -> fair? Pause, well it seems like you're ready to provide the evidence to support that so lets talk about it
* Start with, I want you to feel like you're being tread fairly at all times so stop me if you feel you're being tread unfairly and we'll address it
* Understand the emotional drivers behind what they desire on the surface
* Certainty over probability will take greater risk to avoid losses than promote gain, persuade them they have something to loose by not taking the deal
* Accusation Audit: talk, after this you're gonna think xyz bad things about me. I still wanted to bring this opportunity to you before someone else. Think not big to small but small to nothing when breaking news of downsizing or decrease in salary or something
* Let the other side anchor monetary negotiations. Elude to a range at top laces like x people at y place get between a and b. Expect low end
* Think in terms of value beyond money to add to a high ask or low offer. Things you care about but don't think they'll give work too because they'll compensate with stuff they can give
* Sell yourself to your manager as a tool to show how important and great they are
* Ask what does it take to be successful here
* Give them the illusion of control, open ended questions, instead of you can't go -> what do you hope to accomplish by leaving
* How questions, how do I know she's alive. So they end up having the idea and doing the thing. Ergo its not debt/tit for tat like when you ask give me a proof of life becasue then they have done something for you and expect something in return
* Confrontational stuff into joint problem solving exercise
* Summaries conflict/issue then ask, How am I suppose to do that, doesn't sound pushy and aggressive, no target for attack
* Rules: avoid (can, is, are, do or does) close ended verbs that can answered yes or no. Instead (what, how and sometimes why but usually not). 
* Examples: does this look like something you would like -> how does this look to you or why did you do it -> what caused you to do it (less accusatory)
* Often used: What is the biggest challenge you face, what about this is important to you, how can I help to make this better for us, how would you like me to proceed, what is it that brought us into this situation, how can we solve this problem, what is the objective here, how am I suppose to do that
* Implication of any calibrated question is: I want what you what but I need your know how/ideas to get there, forces them to do the work for you
* This doesn't work without self control, stay calm and rational. Keep away from knee jerk passionate reaction, pause
* When verbally attacked, don't attack back, disarm them with a calibrated question
* Listener has power -> other is relealing info and you can steer.
* Don't try to get the other person to admit you're right.
* Don't ask yes or no or tiny info questions (they are generally useless and invoke reciprocity)
* Instead ask How or What questions (Implicit ask for help means they feel in control and more comfortable)
* You need to also have the ability to execute on your promises/plans/negotiated solution (don't neglect the execution part)
* Ask lots of how questions, I don't have that kind of money how can we raise it? How do I know he's alive? Tis an elegant no
* Beware of people who have influence on the outcome either to stop or continue it even if they're minor -> ask some calibrated questions, how do we ensure everyone is on board/learning what they need, how does everyone feel about this
* How do we know if we pay you that you won't or haven't hurt my guy
* 7/38/55 rule word/tone/body language respectively as percentage of influence on success
* If based on tone and body language they seem to be lying or not as committed, ask some more clarifying how question to try and find and address their issues. You seem hesitant about xzy, is their anything to your disliking? Follow up this is important and we should do it right by your standards etc
* Liars do the following: Use significantly more words. More 3rd person pronouns, it, he, she, they. More complex sentences.
* The more they say I the less important they are? The less they say I the more important they are?
* Make them do counter offers against themselves!!! Your offer is very generous, I'm sorry that just doesn't work for me. -> they will bid against themselves
* I'm sorry but I'm afraid I just can't do that -> they will bid against themselves
* Types of negotiators: Analyist: locgical, systematic, no rush, minimize mistakes, no emotion, distant and cold, hyper sensitive to reciprocity, like to work alone, skeptical by nature. To work with them, use data, focus on fact, avoid surprises, let them think, 
* Types of negotiators: Accommodator: Time spent building relationship is good, want to remain friends even if no agreement, working with them. Be sociable and friendly. Use calibrated questions to nudge them along. Difficult to find their objections.
* Types of negotiators: Assertive: Direct candid, wants a solution and wants it fast. They measure success by getting things done. Aggressive. Want respect. Wants to be heard and can't do anything until. When dealing with them, listen to them carefully because they need to feel heard. They will take and take for reciprocity. Careful of tone
* Don't assume they will think like you do
* Ackerman Model: set target price, set first offer 65%, 3 raises 85%, 95% and 100%, use lots of empathy and lots of ways of saying no as you counter into you ideal price. Use precise and non-rounds numbers. On the final offer throw in a non-monetary thing that they probably don't actually want to show you're at your limit
* Black Swans -> Don't let past experience inform to much, their is always unknown territory and their is always hidden info that would change everything
* Don't look to confirm what you believe, look to uncover what you don't know, read body language and context clues
* Label negative leverage, Sentences like, it seems like you always value the fact that you always pay on time, it seems like you don't care what position you're leaving me in
* Normative leverage, using their norms and rules to advance your position. No one likes to look like a hypocrite.
* We trust people more when they seem similar or familiar
* Express passion for their goals and ability to achieve them
* Don't call your other counterpart crazy, at least you have to look to understand them so you can negotiate better
* Usually crazy or irrational isn't the case, more likely something else, lack of trust in you or religious reasons or not wanting to let someone down or personally look bad or ...etc
* ^ things they can't do but don't want to say. Lack of power, already committed to someone else ... etc
* ^ other interests, fairness, money, 
* Typically these can be summarized as, ill informed, constrained, and having other interests
* Getting black swans, do face to face (tone of voice, body language, short time to think/recenter), 
* Fear of conflict is bad, leads to resentment. Adversary is the situation fear of conflict is just a base human thing and you should ignore it. Consequence of conflict is usually not that bad lol
* Don't avoid conflict


Never Split the Difference

Unwritten Rules The Unofficial Rules of Life

* Peopel are flawed because they have unrealistic expectations for themselves, the other person, or the relationship at large
* Romanticisers- unrealist expectations for the relationship - hold the idea that love happens to you, very specific look for their soul mate and they won't even consider anyone who looks/seems different, sky high expectations, give up with issues rather than solve, have to realize they aren't perfect, don't be passive in looking, relationships aren't effortless - social media bias
* Maximizer - unrealistic expectaions of partner - Always a what if better or perfect, lots of indecision, people who don't do this are happier even with objectively worse decisions/outcomes, once something meets your expectations be happy and don'tworry about what else is out there, its how you feel about the decision not what is was. Secretary problem if you have to choose a secretary out of 100 candidates mathmatically speaking best way is after 37% take think of the best one so far and then pick then next person who is greater than or equal to that person, can apply the same idea to dating as 37% of time you plan on dating
* Hesitator - unrealistic expectations of self - I'll be ready when xyz mentality, aspirations turn into excuses, opprotunity cost loosing the chance to learn and learning by doing, Gulf between wanting to date and actually dating, help by having short deadlines, bit of prep for profile pics and improve class and therapy? Tell others, start smol, be compasionate with yourself
* stop talking to your ex, we are less comitted to choices we think we can reverse and comittment is crucial to happiness, we retroactively give positive thought to things we chose and negative thought to things we didn't
* When dating think of if you'd trust them help raise your child / how reliable they are
* No correlations between partner similarities and happiness
* Their is a correlation between happiness and emotional stability, and kindness. Can be judged via how they respond to stress and how they respond to people they dont' need something from
* Look for loyalty and reliability in hard times, can estimae via friends from different stages of their life
* You want a Growth mindset, estimate via how they react to challenges, shoudl persist and see risk as opprotunity rather than potential embarrassment, self talk should be compassionate
* What do they bring out of you, pay attention to hwo you feel w/ and after hangingout with them
* Pay attention to how you fihgt, fight well rather than avoiding
* Reflect on how you make hard decisions together
* We're sugggestable, see a metric and assume its importance
* you're unlikely to change perferces or delete profiles/subscriptions in general
* Experience goods must be experienced and are more subjective and searchable goods can be reasearched are more objective
* Don't treat it like an interview
* Whether or not you believe you can do something or not, you're right.
* Negativity is self fulfilling
* Activity oriented. A task to do together, cooking KBBQ, board games, art stuff, cooking, so the focus isn't on you and then doing conversation. Arcade, painting or museum
* You value something more when you know how much effort went in
* Start in the middle, oh, hey you'll never guess what's been going on or i heard this great story recently that you'll love.
* Ask for advice Actually listen, be interested
* Both ask questions that let them continue and shift focus back to you with comments about your own opinions and ideas (even mix)
* Keep your phone out of sight. Perhaps ask to commit to both doing so from beginning of date.
* Memory is based on most intense moment and the end so end with a bang
* Post date questions. What side of me did they bring out? How did body feel? Do I feel more or less energized? Curious? Laughed? Did I feel heard? Did I feel attractive?
* The Spark is dumb
* Familiarity breeds attraction.
* People confuse anxiety for chemistry
* We imagine people flattering when we have less details and create unrealistic fantasies This is bad because meeting reveals normal flaws and leads to disappointment Make less assumptions and don't presume you know things until you talk to them
* Pace yourself, don't date wayyy to many people at once
* App advice, males, smile without teeth stand alone, look at camera. No filters, no people who could possibly be SO's. Candid is good. Test against friends Black and white kills Profile should be true to you and not who you want to be. Should be specific and contain conversation starting potential. Focus on what you like not what you don't Put effort into opener, be specific. Get to a date IRL fast Date transition: im really enjoying this conversation, wanna continue it over coffee this Sunday afternoon?
* Event should allow you to meet people, talk to people, enjoy in a vacuum Talk to people consistently, at event
* Environment for the date matters
* We end to assume actions say something about personality/character rather than that they are just a result of circumstances, try to assume circumstances on purpose, give people the benefit of the doubt
* Look for poistives in people
* People tne dot take the defaults, design defaults into your life
* Try to go on the second date most of the time
* Pet peeves != deal breakers
* We stop auto behavrior at decision poitns, like with eating until the end of a bucket of popcorn vs the end of a smol bag
* Define the relationship, start with hey, I feel awkward about this but ... (this creates known vulnerability and more empathy),Thank them for their clarity and honesty after
* After moving in you are less likely to be honest about flawa sn less likely to stop dating because it is very inconvenient
* Sunk cost fallacy and loos aversion (teh idea that loss is scarrier than gains are good), keep people in relationships
* Wardrbe test: what peice of clothing is your partner, gut reaction.
* People expect spark to be around forever and leave once its gone. 
* Have you been bringing your best self (when thinking about breaking up)
* Missing on a goal is usually due to a lack of plan
* When breaking up wirte down reasons for breaking up to help when sad later
* Select time and place with care
* Have a script, be compassionate but direct.
* If someone says whats wrong with me -> I respect you but I dno't think this will work long term and I don't want to wast your time or mine. 
* Time limit 90 min, with the assurance that you can talk again tomorrow
* Prep and consider: Goal, core message, tone to use, tone to avaoid, opener, what needs to be said, concerns about how they will react and counters to that
* If someone says What did I do wrong -> this isn't about anything you did or who you are, its about what we create when we're together. You did nothing wrong and I dont' want you to blame yourself
* If she says mean things -> I understand you're mad and I've hurt you so now you want to hurt me, you have every right to be upset but I don't want this to be any more painful thanit has to be so please don't attack me
* Avoid breakup sex
* Post breakup Plan for yourself
* After, Frame the breakup positively for yourself, focuse on th negatives of the relationship, reconnect with parts of yourself you lost when in the relationship, 
* Reflect about what shoudl be different in future relationships, who were you in the relationship and who do you wnat to be in future relationships
* Expect the relationships to grow and change, rather than stay the same as it starts
* Studies find that we think we'll be the same in the future even though we've changed a lot in the past. Which just isn't true 
* Wedding contract or relationships contract. Things to check in every year or so. Ammendments
* Life should be intentional. You should look back and see choices you made on purpose and honesty toward yourself. Course correct when you need to.


How not to die alone

* Complexity makes code hard to understand and/or modify
* Change amplification: requireing changes in many places for repeated code
* Cognative load: have to remember/learn lots required info
* Unknown Unknowns: unclear what code must be modified or what info is needed to complete, hard coded exceptions that need to be changed with a global var (color)
* Obscurity: important info isn't obvious
* Dependencies: other code must be understood and/or modified as well (can be done well sometimes)
* Constantly invest in good design/solving tech debt, rather than solving bugs/features ASAP
* Interfaces should be simple/clear, Implementations should be deep and complex
* Red Flag: information leakage, when 2 classes both need the same knowledge, like a particular file format
* Temporal decomposition: don'tdivide based on time, like having to have a read, then a write sequentially. Both might need to be modified if something like file format changes
* Red flag: Overexposure, if an API forces users to configure rarely used features and learn configuration and flags for it, it increases cognative load which is bad. Instead just have defaults and optional flags
* Be general purpose but easy to use for current case. eliminate or abstract ouf or push lwer/higher special cases
* Red Flag: Pass through Method, A method that just passes args to a different function. Usually a sign that 2 classes/function don't have distinct enough roles/responsibbilities
* When developing modules, look to take a bit of extra suffering yourself for ease of your users
* Bring code together when: They share info, they are used together, they overlap conceptually and their is a high level category that encapsulates both, its hard to understand one without the other
* Red Flag: Special General Mixture, Occurs when general purpose mechanism also contains code specialized for a particular use of that mechanism
* The desicision to split modules is based on complexity, choose for fewest, dependencies, best info hiding and deepest interfaces
* When commenting, Units for variables, inclusive or exclusive boundaries, null implies?, freed? and who is responsibles, are their certain properties that are always true (like list always contains 1 entry)
* Comments: high level, what is code trying to do as simply stated as possible, why/when is this code executed
* Comments shoudl explain what/why not how
* If its hard to pick a concise clear name that s a red flag for design
* Write comments first as part of design
* Don't duplicate documentation instead poitn to a global design dock with section that refer to that one point, useful for distributed system or calls and API's that always need to match
* For agile, increment of development should be abstractions not features
* The issue with Test Driven Development is that it focuses on getting specific features working rather than the best design
* When thinking about performance consider what most expensive in the system, usually (Network communication, I/O to secondary storage, dynamic memory allocation, cache misses)
* When trying to improve performance always measure before and after


A Philosophy of Software Design

* Visibility, Good Conceptual Models, Good Mappings, Feedback for User Action
* Memory is only precise enought to ditinguish among often and existing choice ex coins vs fake coins
* Long Term Memomory: Rote: Bad b/c no undersatnding of ability to fix okay sometimes alphabet and emergency proceedure
* LTM: Relationship: Propper interpretation/mental mapping -> controll design will make sense, relates model to actions
* LTM: Mental: model -> derive behavior, slow but can extrapolate to situations unsean or troubleshoot
* If you need to label its probably wrong
* limit user choice w/ constraints logical, cultural, semantic, physical
* Visibility, relevant parts visible, feedback, actions create visible change
* Confirm name over action when deleting or better yet make rec overy easily possible for a while
* Errors created by various means: social pressure, expensive, false reporting of dange and threat of punishment, time pressure. For instance if a plane needed to be delayed for saftey concern their would be all those pressure to ignore in favor of all of these
* Warnings tend not to work because we someone want to violate for specific use cases and the system can't distinguish intentional vs accidental behavior
* Forcing functionas: Interlock. saftey pin for grenade. Lockin. auto save file. Lockout. Make unsafe action hard to do. 
* Keyboards and a good enough design for the vast majority
* More features -> more complexity of controls. Limit features and group logically


The Design of Everyday Things

* Pick a system that fits your goals (action, romance, exploration, politics/social etc)
* system vs story led creation
* You can collaberate on world building as a GM ask questions
* More disscussion and transparency -> say this action might have consequences or may make your character feel this way or such. Check before forcing someone's character into certain situations, ask what they had in mind and why (potentially different ways to accomplish goals or general ideas)
* Atmosphere is tied to how you describe things as a DM
* Make choices important
* yes and...
* for pacing be aware of which rooms are which types of encouter and whether they're upbeats or down beats (Action, Discovery, Interpersonal, Emotional, Challenge, Preparation)
* Make a Theme and enforce it via imagery and world building
* Telling PCs to look for Trouble rather than playing protectively
* Personal Flaws and motivations


The Ultimate RPG Gameplay Guide

* The book doesn't really have takeaways in that it was mostly a fun, lighter, though provoking read


* Take some take to conciously be more aware of your sense and emotions (look at nature, feel how soft your cloths are on your skin).
* Meditate as a way to practice focus, try to just focus on your breath, when you get distracted realize this and gently go back to focus on your breath. 
* Respond don't react. When you find yourself feeling a way, identify the emtions, notice how they're impacting your body (sweaty palms, heart racing, etc), look at why your feel those emotions, what can be done about the situation, then gently nudge away the feelings.
* **Worry is useful until its not -> worry is good so long as its motiviating action that is productive like planning or counter measure but after that its pointless and you should stop**


10% Happier

* Think of arousal as an accelerator (things that excite you) and a brakes (things that stress/distract you). People have different sensitivity on each and different things trigger each for different people
* Context is everything
* Expecting/anticipating, eagerness/wanting and enjoying/liking are 3 separate things that can exist in any combination with or without one another
* If you're stressed, can do a few things to help, (exercise/dance, primal scream or crying, meditate or do yoga, something relaxing like a shower, massage, nails etc)
* You can learn to find certain things more arousing and learn to find other things as less of a turn off
* nonconcordance: your body can respond as if aroused even if you aren't mentally and vice versa


Come As You Are

* Like forgiving yourself for past mistakes with the attitude that you were doing the best you could with what you had at the time, also applying the same idea to other in your life who might have wronged you like your parents


Declutter Your Mind

* General Thesis is that its valuble to be able to focus deeply without distraction to think critically and problem solve (such as when writing code, publishing papers, writing books, etc)
* Tech is restructing economy to re-prioritize, those who can work well/creatively with machines (because leverage), those who are the best at what they do (because you can hire anyone in the world via the web or distribute your content which is the best across the globe easily), and those with capital (because tech has a 0 cost of reproduction and scales so well that the potential return is enormous)
* To be a winner like ^ need ability to quickly master hard things and the ability to produce with speed and quality
* Batch things on a broad level
* High quality work produced = time spend * deepness of focus
* Attention residue, the proven concept where context switching leaves residue that keeps you from focusing until you finish it. Distractions to attention are bad, especially for unfinished tasks. We can't multitask. Do the thing well.
* Reflect and push back to mimize activities that aren't fun or won't advance you career. Ie pointless meetings, random extra responsibilities etc. 
* Basically we don't always evaluate the trade offs of adopting new technologys anymore, we a assume newer is better without thought
* Knowledge work is hard to find satisfying because the goals and metrics of success are so wishy washy. Like being a PM. 
* Business as a substitute for productivity. 
* Will power is a finite resource so using it to try and get to deep work isn't great. Instead rely on automatic habits so you don't have to use willpower
* Division between what to do and how to do it. 
* Like a life goal retro? What did we try and do sine last meeting to achieve goal and what are we gonna do between now and next meeting / why / how did it go
* Weekly review ^
* Unconscious mind is better at processing vague and large problems. Conscious the opposite. 
* Downtime important to recharge
* Limited capacity for Deep Work Only like 4 hours total
* Shut down ritual for end of day
* Embrace boredom, understand that focus is a muscle you have to develop it and multi tasking and short attention activities help deteriorate said muscle 
* Hmm, schedule when you're allowed to use the internet? 
* Basically we can't tolerate bordem because if bored look at smart phone 
* The goal is to not always look at your phone when you're doing something or bored. Resist the temptation for instant gratification
* Memory palace with regards to memorizing a deck of cards as a training exercise, do a mental walk through of your house purposly pointing out 52 items, now associte each card with an image and then the image interacting with an item. IE first item is a placematt and first card is king of clubs, imagine the a caveman with a crown and a club standing on the placematt
* Think long and hard about pro and CONS before adding new tools. 
* Think about overall goal of thjng you're doing. Limit to whats most important and very broad / high level. 
* List 3 most specific activities that help achieve that goal
* Go through tools and ask whether tool has helped, hurt or did nothing for the activitie. 
* Only keep using if it helped, a lot more than it hurt 
* Try quitting services for 30 days. Don't tell people. 
* Then ask 2 questions, would last 30 days have been substantially better if I had the service? And did people notice and or care that I wasn't on. 
* Put more thought into your leisure time. Put forethought into what you want to do rather than defaulting to social media BS
* Tldr humans like to auto pilot which means we're bad at knowing how much time we spend on things, tends to be more than we think on stuff like TV
* Talk to boss and ask what you want in terms of deep vs shallow work ratio (can point to for why decline certain work)
* Litmus test for is it deep work, how long would it take a college grad to learn what I'm about to do
* Fixed schedule productivity, artificial limits on your work day. Forces you to schedule intelligently, to say no to unimportant and shallow things rather than trying to do it all. 
* For email, have a sender filter. I'll only respond to messages that are good for my schedule and needs. Changes defaulting expectations for sender. 
* FAQ, to filter. 
* Social conventions regarding email is bad, expectation of response and fast response is bad. 


Deep Work

* Basically, think more carefully before saying yes. Is this actually needed/necessary to move in the direction I want to go? Am I spread to thin?
* Am I investing in the right activities. How to get the right things done, not more things done 
* To much choice, to much peer pressure b/c internet
* The idea that you can do it all
* If you don't control your life others do
* Fallacies, I have to, it's all important, I can do both
* Vs essentialism, I choose to, only a few things really matter, I can do anything but not everything
* Learned helplessness -> bad -> Either you give up or hyper fixate and try to do everything (both are a not choice thing)
* Certain efforts are exponentially more impactful than others
* Clear hierarchical priorities are important. Because inevitably you will be faced with a situation where you must choose which is more important 
* You need to create space for thinking, free of distraction (think my do not disturb hours for work)
* Its nice/good to make some intentional time to just think
* Play is good, help with exploration and improvisation and creativity
* Protect sleep
* 90% rule. You should only spend time on the top 10% of things. Give something a % score. < 90 == 0. Hell yes or No kind of vibe 
* Things should be close to exactly what you're aiming for
* If I didn't already own this, what would i be willing to pay for it
* Don't be afraid to say no, its not worth the social awkwardness and potential but non existent damage to the relationship. I'm flattered but I simply don't have the bandwidth right now
* When saying no at work, remind boss what you would have to drop and let them grapple with the trade off
* I cannot x but I'm willing to y. I cannot drive you but I'm willing to lend you my car
* Owning an object makes you value it more. Also applies to actions/activities
* 0 based budgeting. Budget starts at 0. Priorities context over history
* Reverse pilot, does removal of X actually have unintended consequences. Try it and see
* Find your own hidden boundarys and make them explicit and written
* Build in buffers / prep early
* Always add 50% to all time estimates
* Loom to improve on the things that are the biggest bottle necks 
* Interesting idea. Make a token system for children. Get tokens ever week, can trade in for screen time or money. Or can do better activities like learning or reading for token 


Essentialism

* Argue with interest over position, if 2 people wanted an orange each persons postiion is I want a Orange, and traditional wisdom would say cut the orange in half. But if one persons interest was in the fruit and the others was in the rine for zest for a cake a better arangement could have been reached. Israel and Egypt both wanted the saini desert (their position), Israels interest was in protection and Egypts was in heritage and culture and eventually an agreement was reached wher Egypt would own the land but it would be demiliterized. 
* Appeal to a neutral third party for standards, for example if you're getting and insruance claim for your car ask them how they got their estimate and use the Blue Book values as a baseline for features and parts.
* BATNA best alternative to a negotiated agreement. Have a real, ready to go alternative is sometimes the best thing because if negotations really aren't going your way you have something to fall back on.
* Invent options for mutual gain
* Be aware of dirty negotiation tricks (putting pressure on your for time, being in a room thats to hot or cold) and point them out as problems and offer to come back later once these problems are resolved.


Getting to Yes

How to Invent Everything

* Don't criticise, everyone always thinks they're in the right (people don't like to be wrong)
* Be genuinely interested in other people
* Be happy/excited
* Smile
* Listen Intently
* Encourage others to talk about themselves/Ask about their interests
* Don't correct others
* avoid arguments
* Look for points of agreeemnt
* Start with, I may be wrong I often am, lets examine the facts -> Talk of your own mistakes before theirs
* Think about what they want and show them how to get it
* Desire to be appreciated and important
* Give people lots genuine of appreciation and encouragement as a leader, praise any and all improvement
* if they make a mistake, give lots of encouragement and make the fault seem easy to correct
* Arouse and eager want
* Let them feel the idea is theirs, Put out evidence and let them draw their own conclusions
* Dramatize, show don't tell, play/be creative, be new/different
* Let people save face
* Give the other person a reputation to live up to
* Ask questions over orders
* Appeal to the noble motives -> can we not do that, I don't want my children around that kind of behavior etc
* Praise then criticise, don't say but, say and. I'm so proud of you for how to did on your math test this semester and I'm sure you science grades are sure to follow
* I don't blame you one iota for feeling as you do, if I were in your shoes I'm sure I'd feel the same way
* Get them saying yes, yes
* Ask for their ideas and input on drafts with the frame of we want to server you as best as possible also makes them feel important
* Cruel truths aren't useful (most of the time)
* Admit when you're wrong, do it before it can be pointed out
* Actually think and be sympathetic from their POV and their problems


How to Win Friends and Influence People

* Create systems to pay bills and invest automatically and then just spend the rest of your money as you please (this is a concious spending plan and is a lot easier than traditional budgeting)
* Don't nit pick, instead knock out the most valuble things and then call it good
* Negotiate with banks all over the place
* Use credit cards for their insuance benefits, always pay them off
* High interest savings accounts are good
* Max out your retirement accounts
* You want to keep a diversification not only between various stocks but also across sectors (with more intention, like REITS, Large caps, Small caps, Foreign, Growth Value) and across asset classes (stocks, bonds, real estate) -> if you manage yourself will require rebalancing. Lifecycle funds do this for you and adjust over time
* 


I Will Teach You To Be Rich

### Intro

* We don't rise to the level of expectations, we fall to our training 
* We want, Resilience, ability to withstand initial shock when catastrophe strikes then where with all to respond quickly and constructive manner
* The only way you don't shut down, is with, exposure, practice and experience
* Exposure to different kinds of stress, add variables (shooting while, moving, in the dark, while some is screaming), Cold plunges, heat, Sit with the feeling of discomfort
* If you start shutting down, -> conscious breathing (deep breathing) and positive self talk (you got this) 

### Planning

* Always plan for things to go wrong, -> goal of being adaptable 
* You should optimize preparedness for the things that are most likely to happen based on your demographics (do you live where earthquakes are common? Tornados? Heatwaves? Drought?, Do you drive a crazy amount like a trucker to prepare for car accident? Do you live in cities, terrorism?)
* PACE - primary, alternate, contingency, emergency (4 levels of back up plans)
* house fire rehearsal, front door, back door, bedroom window, closest window by any means necessary (PACE respectively)
* must rehearse, know which window, does it have screens, will it stay open, do you have a fire ladder, do you know how to use it etc. 
* when planning you want to have, a good set of tools, good general info about your surroundings the the issues, realistic views of what's possible for you mentally and physically
* arrogance and ignorance - assuming it will never happen to me, just not wanting to think about it -> it's bad don't do that

### Situational Awareness

* you need to know when something is off, know what operating as normal looks like, need experience in that place and situation, to calibrated
* scan area, left to right, right to left, bottom to top whenever you enter a new environment, for signs out of the ordinary is about to happen. 
* secondary attacks, are popular after a first attack 
* people that stand out, people in places they normally wouldn't be, people not in places they normally would be, people doing things that no one else is doing, people not doing things that everyone else is doing, -> universal threat indicators

### Bio Indicators

* flushed or pale skin, shallow breathing, fast breathing, sweating, fidgeting, (nervous, scared or excited)

### To When Going Places

* Scan area, where are exits, what are paths to them 
* look at hands and deminor and look for attitude and hands doing things
* example, angy man in an argument, hands not gesturing but in pockets or in a bag
* ask to be seated near an exit, with a good view of the couple, possibly leave, possibly intervene, 

### Decision Point

* make decisions simple as possible 
* recognize that you make good decisions all the time (day to day, morning routine, driving, etc) for confidence
* get off the X, automatic response should be to move 

### Deadly Force

* think about your personal criteria for deadly force
* do you need to fear for your life? If they're stealing does it matter what they're taking? If they promise not to hear your does that change things? If your kids are around does that change things 
* do everything in your power to avoid it, if you can't, Commit to it. 
* there are legal consequences, their are moral consequences 

### Every Day Carry

* edc encompasses everything on you (including shoes vs flip flops)
* self defense, (pistols, pass)
* tactical and survival knives, for fighting vs chopping and sawing and skinning. 
* non lethal - stun guns (short lived) and spray (target eyes, jet stream) (Can and should be used by men too), then flee or get the upper hand. 
* environment dictates what you want, taser for frat party as spray would hit by standards, spray for morning run in the hills alone 
* alarms, whistle (can startle attacker or draw attention, when you need to be seen as in trying to be kidnapped)

### Survival

* 72 hrs, is the goal
* medical, tourniquet, individual first aid kit, trauma or compression bandages, combat and compressed gauze and medical tape. 
* shelter and fire, mylar blanket, lighter, hurricane matches, magnesium fire starter, 
* food and water, protein bars, solution for purify water, chlorine dyoxide tablets 
* illumination, flashlight, head lamp, 
* signaling, fire, flashlight at night, mylar blanket to reflect sunlight, loud whistle herd for miles 
* signal mirror, made of stainless steel, 

### mobility

* all wheel sedans (for some off road potential, and capacity to carry things)
* shelter, -> in, on, under 
  * Mylar blankets
  * Sleeping bags, rates for cold, sleeping pad, tent? 
* water
  * 2 gallons per person at any time in car
  * rain water capture mechanism 
  * purify
  * boil, need pot of some kind
  * chlorine bleach, to purify
  * filter through cloth first if cloudy
* Food
  * nuts, jerky, bars, gels

* Communications
  * phone 
  * signaling, green foliage becomes white large plumes
  * satellite based communication 

* First aide 
  * tourniquets, have multiple
  * accessibility, not just in trunk 
  * brun dressings
  * bandages
  * gauze
  * splints
  * trauma sheers
  * sharpie, to indicate who's been treated and with what 

### Bug Out for Real

pg 173

### Home Stead

* Goal of home stead is not to prepare for end of days but mostly to plan so that in the event of something like a natural disaster when infrastructure is down and service are worn thin you can still be safe and comfortable 
* early warning and redundancy
* sensors, cameras and alarms
* goal, to see threats coming as early and far out as possible
* motion sensors
  * lights (floor lights) detection (deterrent)
  * motion sensors on doors and windows, do an alarm and send notification to police
* cameras
  * should get street, too you wanna see who's coming
  * internal cameras, asset protection (for we are important)
  * way to easily see what the cameras see (phone)
* alarm
  * alert them they are compromised, 
  * analog solutions and low up keep
* Obstructions
  * thorny bushes under windows, 
  * loud gravel paths
* medical
  * clean work and sanitary conditions
  * trauma scissors, sheers, clams, needles and surgical thread, 
  * hydrogen peroxide, iodine, rubbing alcohol, disinfectant wipes. Good for wounds and equipment reuse
  * minor afflictions, ointments and pills, syrups and things, bandaids and such. Stock up on what you need based what you need regularly
* preventive care and hygiene
  * vitamin and mineral supplementations
  * epi pens and anti biotics -> expire quickly and hard to get but worth while
  * orthopedics and compression bands to make sure you can work well, contact lenses and solution 
  * unscented soap, hand sanitizer, baby wipes, toothpaste and tooth brushes, nail clippers, 
* Water
  * water on hands (rain catching rain buckets, tap water in containers)
  * ear Mark some for washing
  * fema 2 weeks water on hands at all times. 1 gallon per person per day. 1/2 drinking and 1/2 for food prep and hygiene. 
* food
  * canned - 5 yrs
  * Jared, boxed, dried 1 - 2
  * food you like to eat (pickled, soups, rice, beans, fruits, nuts, jerky)
  * cycle through it in your normal use (replace oldest and cycle to front)
  * emergency meals, dried
  * garden or green house 
  * foods you like and stand up well to canning, or pickling or jamming
  * chickens,
* power
  * generator, propane or diesel. Must decide what to power. Refrigeration, HVAC in winter and summer. Beyond that selective
  * you will run out
  * solar arrays, residential wind, (contingency)
  * battery (emergency)
* community is the foundation
  * Good for redundancy and helping people and relying on and doing well


Prepared: A Manual for Surviving Worst-Case Scenarios

* We live in an era when most easy remarkable problems have been solved and people are no longer proactively looking for something genericly useful that everyone needs (like pain killers)
* To differentiate yourself you need to be remarkable in some fashion
* Being remarkable leads to the few people who use your product becoming 'sneezers' and thus spreading the product to all their friends
* Remarkable is a very loose term and can range wildly from extremely niche like disgusting horror films, excessively cheap like while still solid quality like McDonalds or Ikea, process shifting like Amazon and the popularization of online shopping, extremely high end like the $2000 hand made silk scarves, outstanding service like people who will take hours and walk you through complex tasks or return policies that extend out decades and cover everything, extreme ease of use or simplicity like with touch screens
* Related but not in the book is the concept of differentation in a variety of 6 categories Product (Features, Performance, Efficacy, Durability, Reliability), Service (Ordering Ease, Delivery, Installation, Customer Training), Channel (Coverage, Expertise, Performance), Relationship (Competency, Courtesy, Reliability, Responsiveness), Reputation, Price (cheap/expensive, payment model)


Purple Cow

* No ones gonna teach you financial literacy, its up to you to go get it yourself and its important to understand money because its the cause of many problems for most people
* Make your money work for you, invest in stocks or real estate or create a business (money generating assets)
* Knowledge is power, never stop learning
* Pay yourself first (the first thing I do is invest a large percentage of every check and then portion that goes to necesities like food and rent)


Rich Dad Poor Dad

* You don't have to be a genuis/ultra refined
* have an amateurs curiosity
* Think Process over Product
* Share small and often
* Only share what you think would be genuinely helpful, and/or entertaining and you would let your mother see, internet is here forever
* Never feel bad for what you genuinely enjoy
* Listen/absorb/pay your dues
* Hearts over eyeballs
* Take out people/things that don't matter and suck to much of your energy


Show Your Work

*  Mainly, businesses & investors get some awesome write offs & the best tax rates, houses are good for amortization and decpreciation (so know and use both),
*  choose a good CPA who knows thing and will actively help you reduce taxes rather than being afraid of an auditor.
* Also make a trust and give some owner ship to children to avoid inheritance taxes.
* Own and spread out businesses to reduce taxes/backet.
* Don't just look at income tax but also sales, property and excise.
* 401k income derived isn't taxed under capital gains but normal income rules so if you plan on retiring with a higher income it might not be better to use a IRA. (ROTH is still awesome, until you don't qualify because your income is to high :/) 


Tax Free Wealth

* Learn to cultivate real focus (get your rest, eliminate phones and distraction) to accomplish most of what you have to do in a day in record time (plus after you run out of work energy you aren't going to be very productive anyways)
* Batch tasks, do a bunch of the same type of thing all together because constant switching/distractions take time/effort
* You don't have to wait until retirement to do retirement like things (and you probably shouldn't)
* Focus on effictiveness (getting towards your goal), over efficiency (doing well at a task that may or maynot be important), 80/20 rule (80% of benefit comes from 20% of the effort so eliminate wisely that which isn't helping much), Parkinsons Law (tasks grow to fill the time alloted for them, -> short clear deadlines)
* Avoid information/interruptions that are irrelevant, unimportant or unactionable. Most info is time consuming, negative, irrelevant to your goals and outside your influence
* Delegate tasks you don't want to do


The 4 Hour Work Week

* Talk to your partner about how you can show them you care about them and vice versa.
* General idea is their are 5 categories of potential ways to show or recieve affection, phyiscal touch, gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service and quality time


The 5 Love Languages

* The idea that striving to be better like traditional self help can be a negative experience because the implication is that you aren't good enough right now
* Happiness comes from solving problems, so choose good ones
* Ask lots of why questions -> why do I want to be rich?, why does something bother me?
* Problems should be continuous, goals should revolve around consistency rather than metrics and thusly you can constantly be the kind of person you want to be, also align goals with values
